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Will Katy Perry apologise for having culturally appropriated ‘gay hair’ and robot music?

katy perry bot kraftwerk hair

‘Ich bin ein role model’

 

Katy Perry has issued a public apology for having “culturally appropriated” a black hairstyle.

Whites are not allowed to use black hair styles and blacks should not use white hair styles, reasons Katy. Back in your boxes, people. Your bouffant, suedehead, skinhead, mop-top, shaggy perm, bowel cut and mohican is now limited by genes.

To avoid causing offence, and to further individuality, self-expression and freedom, all musicians should cover their heads with wimples, shrouds and Brian Eno wigs (the former Roxy Music band member recognised the link between identity and hair, choosing to cover his luxurious chestnut curls beneath a ‘balding’ helmet, thus securing his ‘brand’ and enduring ‘iconic’ status).

People should not wear metal helmets because the robot community is offended. “The likes of Gary Newman, Kraftwerk, and Daft Punk all pretend to be robots,” says Mr Autotune, partner at Messers Speak ‘n’ Spell PR and a spokesmachine for the robot community. “Their behaviour suppresses robot-kind and perpetuates arcane media narratives of robots as lacking in emotion and incapable of playing anything other than synthesizers.”

Meanwhile, Perry has yet to explain why she’s adopted the hairstyles of a gay man.

 

katy perry julian clary

Posted: 13th, June 2017 | In: Celebrities, News | Comment


Katy Perry: Now Single, Blasphemous And Hating Religionists For Allah Pendants

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TOUGH week for Katy Perry. First off, and most pertinent to her well being, she’s split up with fellow superstar John Mayer. She’ll be upset by that no doubt, but alas, she should be aware that the whole of religion is pretty pissed off with her too.

You see, Katy’s new video for Dark Horse has been criticised by religious groups for being blasphemous!

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Posted: 27th, February 2014 | In: Music | Comment


In photos: the stars’ hilarious punk outfits at the Costume Institute Benefit Gala at the Metropolitan Museum

TO the Costume Institute Benefit Gala at the Metropolitan Museum – New York. The theme was Punk: Chaos to Couture. Whoah! Punk, you say. All bullet-hard leather jackets, super-glue hair and snot. The A-list artistes would do counterculture and DIY fashion. Would any be brave enough for a Nazi helmet? Well, no. This is what punk looks like when you hire a stylist to dress you as one. It’s like watching a Hampshire golf club putting on a performance of Derek Jarman’s Jubilee:

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Madonna attends the 'Punk': Chaos to Couture' Costume Institute Benefit Met Gala at the Metropolitan Museum in New York.

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Posted: 11th, May 2013 | In: Celebrities, Fashion | Comment


Was woman who never knew Katy Perry murdered by Johnny Lewis?

THE media rule is that any story benefits from a dash of stardust. The news that Jonathan Kendrick Lewis, aka Johnny Lewis, 28, is dead is not enough. He’s an actor accused of killing his landlady, one Catherine Davis, 81.

Lewis appeared in teen angst show the O.C. and Sons of Anarchy. It looks like he committed suicide, jumping from a building in Los Feliz.

Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) Commander Andrew Smith tells media:

“At some point, Johnny jumped or fell from the home’s roof, garage, balcony, stairs or patio area.”

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Posted: 28th, September 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Katy Perry defecates in a bucket these days

DIVORCEES often do strange things. Mostly, they’re booze induced. However, Katy Perry tops the lot after her split with Russell Brand.

For some inexplicable reason, Katy Perry has admitted she uses buckets instead of toilets backstage on tour. That’s right. Katy Perry defecates into mop buckets rather than using a toilet like a normal member of civilisation. And there’s more.

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Posted: 8th, August 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Katy Perry: Part of Me 3D Premiere! in photos

A WET night in July cold only mean one thing: the premier of Katy Perry Part Of Me 3D at the Empire Cinema, Leicester Square, London. This is a fly-on-the-wall look at Perry’s 124-date 2011 tour. In one scene, we see Perry hear the news that her marriage to Russell Brand is over. She hears this as she’s preparing to go on stage in Brazil. The cameras roll. Katy rolls into a ball and sobs. A voice tells us what’s going on. Then she snaps out of it and goes on with the show. What a trooper! What player! And you realise that when Katy professed a liking for Brand’s beloved West Ham United she meant it. You’ve not seen a comeback like that since Julian Dicks went down in the box…

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Katy Perry arriving for the premiere of Katy Perry Part Of Me 3D at the Empire Cinema, Leicester Square, London.

Posted: 3rd, July 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Famous women with beards – the photos

FAMOUS women with beards. Because one day this will be fashionable:

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Featuring: Sarah Silverman Shakira, Kate Beckinsale, Tina O’Brien, Sasha Alexander, Lady Philippa Middleton, Sarah Dunn, Juliette Binoche, Penelope Cruz, Margarita Levieva, Mila Kunis,Michelle Rodriguez, Minka Kelly, Thandie Newton, Alicia Keys, Ashley Tisdale, Joss Stone, Amanda Peet, Ali Landry, Adriana Lima, Jessica Alba, Denise Richards, Nicole Scherzinger, Princess Beatrice, Alicia Silverstone, Angelina Jolie, Katy Perry, Emma Stone.

Spotter:Freakingnews

Posted: 1st, May 2012 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment


Katy Perry murders ‘Niggas In Paris’

KATY Perry has allowed herself to be filmed murdering Jay-Z and Kanye West’s “Niggas in Paris”.

Says Katy on the BBC’s Late Lounge:

“This is about to get real embarrassing.”

Katy does exactly what she promises on the tin:

Posted: 19th, March 2012 | In: Music | Comment (1)


Russell Brand arrested in iPhone ‘tribute to Steve Jobs’

SINCE Russell Brand split up with Katy Perry, the pair have retained something of a dignified silence, which of course, is no good to anyone. Now at least, some vague cracks are beginning to show. HURRAY! We want a nervous breakdown brought on by jealousy, and now please.

And Brand is first to look like he’s going under after he had a quick trip to the police station after being arrested in New Orleans. Apparently, he tossed an iPhone off. (What is it with Brand and phones?)

According to TMZ, Brand grabbed a photographer’s iPhone and lobbed it through the window of a downtown law office. An arrest warrant was issued and the comic didn’t try to attempt to hide his part in the phone fiasco. On twitter, he address the whole thing:

“Since Steve Jobs died I cannot bear to see anyone use an iPhone irreverently, what I did was a tribute to his memory.”

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Posted: 16th, March 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)


Face of the Day – Baptiste Giacobini dazzles Katy Perry

FACE of The Day – French teeth model Baptiste Giacobini dazzles Katy Perry, Italian actress Elisa Sednaoui, and British actress Kaya Scodelario, at the Chanel fashion show in Paris. M. Giacobini is mostly wearing white. The ladies are wearing Victoria Beckham…

Posted: 9th, March 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Russell Brand and Zooey Deschanel to become deeply unlikeable couple?

YOU may think Russell Brand or, indeed, Zooey Deschanel, is attractive enough to warrant a lustful thought. However, once you stop staring at their collective bone-structures and actually listen to them for one second, you’ll find that any yearning will turn into a white-hot, furious, knuckle-breaking anger.

So imagine, if you will, now that this pair are now absolutely single and fancy-free, them getting together to make a pairing so mind-meltingly jarring that they could burn a hole in space.

And you may not have to imagine at all as Brand has reportedly got his sexual dowsing rod out and set the controls for Zooey!

The best thing about Deschanel for Brand is that she pretty much looks exactly like an indie-approved version of his ex wife, Katy Perry. She’s definitely one of those awful, awful Smiths fans, just like Russell. Just imagine them, sitting in a decadent, boho lounge, whispering Girlfriend In A Coma at each other.

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Posted: 6th, February 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)


Russell Brand and Katy Perry reveal ordinary, boring, spiteful marriage

RUSSELL Brand and Katy Perry are getting divorced.

Marriage is supposed to the union of two people who are perfect for each other. A union of souls! Two hearts entwined! Alas, most marriages only serve to harvest resentment, lay trowels of gloom on your libido and inject jealousy and spite into your increasingly mundane life.

So, you have children to stave it off for a while, only for your children to add more spite and resentment to proceedings before you have a spectacular and ignored breakdown which screams inside you ’til your insides are deaf.

When celebrities get wed, they’re no different. Look at Russell Brand and Katy Perry. They let go of their wild past and settled down with each other. Of course, they could’ve been really cool and had a swinger’s marriage, but no, they opted for the whole ‘bitter and seething’ thing that befalls so many.

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Posted: 10th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)


Why Katy Perry and Russell Brand divorced – the truth

KATY Perry and Russell Brand are to divorce. Wan to know why? Want to know what they’re going to do next? Well, read on:

Katy Perry – Where Next?!

The Sun: “Rihanna comforts sad Katy”

“Katy was embarrassed about calling her parents as they’d been so against Russell in the first place, but Rihanna was a great support for her and she really helped to calm her down. When Katy told her the news, she suggested flying down to Barbados to stay with her and her family.”

Or as the Daily Mirror says:

CRUSHED Katy Perry is being whisked away to Mexico by Rihanna following her split from Russell Brand – Daily Mirror

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Posted: 2nd, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Russell Brand and Katy Perry defile sanctity of marriage

RUSSELL Brand has filed for divorce from Katy Perry. Russell and Katy have been married for 15 month. It was never going to last. Unlike Brangelina, Jedward and SuBo, Russell Brand and Katy Perry never gelled as a tabloid abbreviation. Rerry, Berry and Puss had their champions, but no one name was settled upon.

Brand is the man Kerry described as:

“He’s like a cross between Charles Manson, Jim Morrison, Jesus and Elvis Presley.”

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Posted: 30th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)


Katy Perry Cancels The Bunk Beds: She’s Having One Baby

KATY Perry is going to have one child, probably called Gnahghahhhhh! As she says:

“If it doesn’t hurt the first time, I’ll keep popping them out!’

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Posted: 25th, November 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment


David Hasselhoff And Katy Perry Star In The Photo Of The Year: MTV Awards Face Off (Literally)

WHEN David Hasselhoff eyeballed Jesus stumpet Katy Perry at the MTV Europe Music Awards, cameras clicked. Hasselhoff, a man famed for slow-mo running, taking orders from a snarky car that lived in a mute truck and helping to decide what the Queen must spend three minutes of her life watching, looked like he was having his face tied on by a dwarf sat on a goat with wayward horns. Unless that is The Hoff’s new expression fixe, in which case we commend his efforts in what has become a tired area of human evolution…


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Posted: 6th, November 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment


Rock In Rio 2011 In Photos: Rihanna Pinches Katy Perry’s T-Shirt

IT’S the Rock In Rio festival of music, starring Katy Perry, Rihanna, Stevie Wonder, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Metallica, Slipknot, Guns N’ Roses and Coldplay. You can’t but notice that the women are offering a porn pastiche of modern life: Rihanna gropes her own arse; Katy Perry works her chest; the men get the T-shirts…

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Katy Perry performs at the Rock in Rio music festival in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, Friday Sept. 23, 2011. The festival which runs through Oct. 2 also includes performances by Rihanna, Stevie Wonder, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Metallica, Guns N' Roses and Coldplay. (AP Photo/Felipe Dana)

Posted: 26th, September 2011 | In: Music | Comment


Katy Perry’s Boobtastic Photoshop Masterclass: Photos

KATY Perry’s boobtastic photoshop masterclass for Rolling Stone:

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Posted: 18th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)


Photos Of The Day: The Katy Perry Face Plant

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Posted: 16th, September 2011 | In: Photojournalism | Comment


Katy Perry’s Private New Home And Russell Brand’s Hypocrisy Over The Sun?

KATY Perry and Russell Brand are not divorcing, splitting or becoming estranged. We know this because it is true, our spotter in Los Angeles has seen the removal truck delivering stuff to what may well be the couple’s new home (photos below), and because Katy Perry tells anyone on Twitter:

Just cause we don’t flaunt our relationship doesn’t mean there’s something wrong w/it. Privacy is our luxury. #tabloidsrtrash #gossipisgross.

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Posted: 19th, July 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment


Katy Perry Owes It All To Georgina Baille

KATY Perry is singing on a swing at the Grammys. Behind her are photo of her wedding day to Russell Brand. Whatever can it mean?

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Posted: 14th, February 2011 | In: Music | Comment


Katy Perry’s Chocolate Box Chest Is Cat Free: Photos

KATY Perry is wearing an off-the-chest chocolate box with soft centres to showcase her new perfume. Its’ called Purr and it come packaged in the kind of object d’art they sell in the Debenhams Christmas hall and in the Barbara Cartland Range of Ann Summers.

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Posted: 7th, February 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment


What Sex With Katy Perry Is Really Like: Bring Cards

KATE Perry wants us to wonder about what sex with like her is really like:

“I have secrets and magic tricks, of course. I can’t share them because then you’d all know. But let’s just say I’m not shy.”

A few weeks into new marriage and already she pulled out the top hat and the rabbit. Their silver wedding anniversary will see the statue of Liberty disappear – inside Katy!!  Behold the live TV spectacular!!!!

Posted: 22nd, December 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment


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