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Can Lewis Hamilton Pip Nicole Scherzinger To Win The F1 Title?

Lewis Hamilton the Formula One drivers’ contest. The news media goes wild for the circus. And the newspapers have to decide if they lead with the British sportsman who stood in his car and waved the Union flag, or focus on his American lover Nicole Scherzinger:


The Sun: Lewis and Nicole Scherzinger both win! He drove. She worked wonders with the radio.


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In the Daily Mail, it was all Nicole. She wins! And those bitten nails have recovered well.


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The Times leads with Lewis and Nicole. What she dosn’t know about traction is not worth knowing.


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Likewise on the Indy.


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The Mirror leads with the Lew & Nic show. It graciously photoshops Lewis into the picture of the beaming Nicole.


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The Daily Star has no photograph of Nicole in a bikini. The paper that once supported the EDL leads with the mixed-race Briton waving the flag and a neat headline. The Star is winning.


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The Express prefers to overlook Lewis Hamilton and focus on how great Ukip are. The mixed-race British champion can wait for Nigel Farage to tell us how he’ll send ’em back.



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What no Nicole? The Telegraph realises that Lewis Hamilton’s car had no passenger seat.


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And the Guardian, too. He sat alone in the car.


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Not so says the Metro. This was Nicole’s win. And, yes, she is kisisng his helmet.


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The final table:

Nicole: 6 front pages; 7 front-page photos; one solo

Lewis: 7 front page; 7 front page photos; 2 solo

Lewis Hamilton narrowly pips Nicole to the F1 title. Better luck next year, Nicole.

Posted: 24th, November 2014 | In: Celebrities, Sports | Comment

The Five Weirdest Things Ever Thrown Onto A Pitch


WHEN Villarreal fans taunted Barcelona’s Dani Alves by throwing him a banana, it was not entirely surprising.

Spain does, after all, have a history of this kind of racist goading, including such notable incidents as the monkey chanting directed at England players during the 2004 international in Madrid….




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Posted: 29th, April 2014 | In: Flashback, Key Posts, Sports | Comment

Lewis Hamilton on telemetry differentials (video)

LEWIS Hamilton crashed out of the Belgian Grand Prix and burned on Twitter. The F1 driver tweeted a photo of the telemetry used by McLaren engineers to compare the fastest laps of Button and Hamilton during qualifying. Hamilton removed it from twitter but McLaren’s rival can still see it on his Instagram account.

McLaren technical director Paddy Lowe told media:

“The actual mistake that Lewis made, which he understands, is that he didn’t really appreciate the nature of that information. The engineers don’t like to see that because we spend our lives trying to keep things like that secret. So it is more what it represents.”

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Posted: 3rd, September 2012 | In: Sports | Comment

Lewis Hamilton May Be Wealthy, But He’s Still Depressingly Desperate When It Comes To Nicole Scherzinger

IMAGINE. You’re one of the most respected Formula One drivers on the planet. You’re reasonably good looking. You’re wealthy. You’ve got a number of lucrative advertising contracts. The world is at your feet (the one that presses the accelerator at least).

Yet, you still own a penis.

And it’s Lewis Hamilton’s member that’s making him all sad and desperate. See, despite his wealth and fame, he doesn’t like the fact that Nicole Scherzinger isn’t his girlfriend anymore.

And so, despite the fact they split only in October, Lewis isn’t giving up on the X Factor USA judge. Nosiree. Not even if he looks like a desperate teenager.

A source (to be massively trusted, of course) told the Daily Mail (also to be hugely trusted):

“Lewis is on a full-on mission to get Nicole back. He’s been having her favourite flowers and thoughtful gifts delivered to her LA home and to the set of US X Factor. He misses her terribly and has told friends he won’t stop until he’s won her over.”

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Posted: 7th, December 2011 | In: Sports | Comment

Lewis Hamilton And Jenson Button Launch Decade For Road Safety Without Irony

WHO better than Lewis Hamilton and Jenson Button to join Prime Minister David Cameron on the steps of 10 Downing Street in London to launch the Decade for Road Safety campaign? No-one.

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Posted: 11th, May 2011 | In: Sports | Comment

Irony Watch: Lewis Hamilton Is The Face Of RoadSense

TOP British tax exile and racing driver Lewis Hamilton has been at Mercedes World where he helped to launch the Road Sense safety scheme RoadSense.

This is the same Lewis Hamilton who in 1997 was banned from driving in France on account of his moving at almost 200km/h on a motorway.

Roadsense is a road safety campaign for school children. First stop is Surrey. County council leader Andrew Povey said: “School children are the drivers of the future so it is vital we educate them now about the importance of responsible driving.”

Good idea. The earlier children get to appreciate the power of a car the better. Young drivers will be taught well:

Motorists who tailgate or use their mobile phone while in control of their vehicle are to be targeted during a crackdown on driving offences.

So who better to advertise the perils of tailgating than F1 motor racing legend champion Lewis Hamilton who was disqualified from the Australian Grand Prix in 2009 for misleading race stewards in an incident with a, er, safety car?

So, kids, drive carefully. And if you can’t drive carefully, make sure you win…


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Racing Driver Lewis Hamilton at Mercedes World where he helped to launch the Road Sense safety scheme RoadSense.

Posted: 6th, December 2009 | In: Sports | Comment

F1 FAIL! McLaren given suspended ban, Lewis Hamilton free to race

lewis-hamiltonTODAY, McLaren have been punished by the FIA with a suspended three-race ban for misleading race stewards at the Aussie GP.

Lewis Hamilton’s team admitted five charges of breaching F1 rules at an inquiry on Wednesday in Paris.

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Posted: 29th, April 2009 | In: Sports | Comments (4)

F1 FAIL! Lewis Hamilton disqualified from Australian Grand Prix

LEWIS Hamilton and his McLaren team has been stripped of his third place in last Sunday’s Australian Grand Prix.

Why? No one seems to know, although the FIA (motor sport’s governing body) said they were excluded “for providing evidence deliberately misleading to the stewards at the hearing on 29 March”.

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Posted: 2nd, April 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (14)

Top Six F1 WAGs

NOW that the F1 season is up and running, it’s time to take a closer look at the formula’s top WAGs (click on images to enlarge)…

1. Isabell Reis (Timo Glock)
The 27-year-old German, who drives for Toyota, may not be a star driver – yet – but he has still managed to bag himself a ridiculously good-looking model.

Posted: 30th, March 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (3)

Jenson Button wins Australian Grand Prix!

IF you’d have told Anorak a month or two ago that a British driver would win the 2009 Aussie GP, we’d have said “Yes, Lewis Hamilton has a great chance, dummy.”

If you’d have told us, “No, we mean Jenson Button!” Anorak would have laughed until our sides split.

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Posted: 29th, March 2009 | In: Sports | Comments (2)

Lewis Hamilton is SLOW!

WHAT has happened in Formula 1 since last season? In testing over the winter, and in practice for this weekend’s Aussie GP in Melbourne, the traditionally fast teams – McLaren, Ferrari – are really struggling, giving the time sheet a decidedly topsy turvy look.

World champ Lewis Hamilton has been suffering more than most. He could only manage 16th and 18th in Friday’s two practice sessions Down Under (Williams’ Nico Rosberg was fastest), results which would put him near the back of the grid unless he finds some pace for Saturday’s qualifying stint.

“The car is the problem. It’s not that bad, it’s just we can’t carry our speed through corners,” Hamilton told the BBC.

McLaren had a great year in 2008, but the new rule changes seem to have caught them on the hop, and now Hamilton will surely struggle to retain his world title.

Lil’ Lewis is not happy at the prospect of spending the season being overtaken by supposedly inferior teams. He said:

“I haven’t had offers from other teams and I am not talking to anyone but I would listen to an offer if someone asked. It would be a compliment and it would be silly if I did not.”

That’s quite a turnaround from last season, when he claimed he would be happy to stay at McLaren for life.

Posted: 27th, March 2009 | In: Sports | Comments (4)

F1 teams challenge new scoring system

THE new F1 season hasn’t even started and already it’s time to call in the lawyers.

A statement emailed to Anorak by McLaren’s PR office reveals that none of the F1 teams is happy with the FIA’s controversial new scoring system, which is based only on who wins the most races in a season.

The statement in full:

“Following the decision of the World Motorsport Council of the 17 March 2009 to change the way the drivers’ championship is awarded, the Teams gathered and unanimously agreed to question the validity of this decision.

FOTA had made a proposal that was carefully based on the results of a Global Audience Survey, which allowed listening to preferences of the public, and all the Teams firmly believe that these indications should be properly taken into account.

The amendment to the sporting regulations proposed by the World Motorsport Council was not performed in accordance with the procedure provided for by Appendix 5 of the Sporting Regulations and, as per the provisions of the article 199 of the FIA International Sporting Code, it is too late for FIA to impose a change for the 2009 season that has not obtained the unanimous agreement of all the competitors properly entered into the 2009 Formula 1 Championship.

Since the change to the scoring system unanimously agreed by the Teams and proposed to FIA did not receive approval of the WMSC, no change can occur in 2009, and the Teams wish to reaffirm their willingness to collaborate with the FIA in order to jointly define a new point system for the 2010 season within a comprehensive set of measures aimed at further stimulating the attractiveness of the F1 Sport.”

In other words, this could get messy. Fair enough too – the new system, which could see a world champion crowned just half-way through a season, is barmy.

Posted: 20th, March 2009 | In: Sports | Comment

Top 10 sport-related thefts

IN the light of the news that some wag nicked Lance Armstrong’s bike this week, Anorak presents the Top 10 sport-related thefts (in no particular order):

10. Lance Armstrong’s bike, 2009
Armstrong himself reported via Twitter that his unique black-and-gold bike had been stolen from a team truck that was parked in an alley behind a Sacramento hotel. Armstrong posted a photo of the bike on his Twitter feed and wrote: “There is only one like it in the world therefore hard to pawn it off.”

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Posted: 17th, February 2009 | In: Sports | Comment

Short Circuit: Slavica And Bernie Eccelsetone Split The (Action) Figure

WITH Madonna and Guy Ritchie agreeing not to give the tabloids what they want, let’s hope Bernie Ecclestone can do better with his split from the lovely Slavica.

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Posted: 21st, November 2008 | In: Sports | Comment

For Ritchie And Poorer: Madonna And Guy Split The Kids

TODAY’S the day Madonna and Guy Ritchie go their separate ways: he to the pub and she to New York.

In what showbiz insiders are calling “the least acrimonious divorce in showbiz history”, the couple have agreed on who gets what, when and how.

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Posted: 21st, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment

A Black Man Or A White Woman: Adlington And Lewis Compete For Votes

CAN a white woman beat the half-black man? It’s the question everyone at the BBC is asking.

It was Dr. King of THG Labs Inc, who said:

“I have a dream that one day my children will live in a nation where they will not be judged by the colour of their skin, but by the content of their blood sample.”

Rebecca Adlington and Lewis Hamilton are the embodiments of that ideal.

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Posted: 13th, November 2008 | In: Sports | Comment

Barack Obama: Trevor Philips, Lex Wotton And Lewis Hamilton PM

BARACK Obama Watch: living with post-racial politics.

SKY NEWS: “If Barack Obama had lived here I would be very surprised if even somebody as brilliant as him would have been able to break through the institutional stranglehold that there is on power within the Labour Party,” Trevor Phillips told The Times.”

Trevor Phillips clings on to the arcane belief that Obama is black.

Trevor is the chairman of Britain’s Equality and Human Rights Commission. If there’s no race, his job might be already covered by the Lesbian and Gay Alliance, or that big nebulous group many call “women”.

THE AUSTRALIAN: “Palm Island rioter Lex Wotton gets six years jail.”

The riot started in the wake of the release of autopsy results into the death of Doomadgee, a local man who died in police custody from massive internal injuries.

Says his lawyer:

“In the new age of Obama, it will be interesting to see how this trial will be viewed given the changing political landscape.”

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Posted: 8th, November 2008 | In: Politicians | Comments (6)

Barack Obama Watch: Hysterically Historic Non-Black Winner

BARACK Obama Watch: Obama is elected and the press is divided about the politician: is he black, historic, black and historic, not black and historic, historic in a non-black black way?


“It’s not about black or white. It’s about grey. What grey matter has the new President of the United States”Kelvin MacKenzie, The Sun

“Former US Secretary of State Colin Powell shed a tear as Obama wept to victory as the first black president” The Sun

“Barack didn’t put himself forward as an Afro-American president, but as a president” – Colin Powell, who does not edit The Sun.

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Posted: 6th, November 2008 | In: Politicians | Comments (2)

Kenya Declares Obama The Winner

IN Kenya Barack Obama has already won the job of US President.

In Kisumu, Obama scored 342 votes to McCain’s 46.

The Obama supporters, most of them young men and women, burst into song and dance moments after Mr Lawrence Oyange, who was in charge of the exercise, announced results at Oile market at around 11.20am.


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Posted: 4th, November 2008 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)

Less Than O: Obama Rides In Lewis Hamilton’s Black Smoke Screen

ROUND the big tarmaced ‘O’, Lewis Hamilton goes. Round the ‘O’. Round the ‘O’. Round and round and round and round and round the ‘O’.

And as he goes round the ‘O’, Lewis Hamilton starts to hanker for an O-range. He wonders how Oldham Athletic are getting along? And then a Sun hack asks him: McCain or Obama?

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Posted: 4th, November 2008 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)

Black-Faced Spaniards Cheer On Lewis Hamilton

LEWIS Hamilton is a champion driver and an inspiration to millions of youngsters.

It just goes to show that with a multi-million pound corporation behind you, the best car and dedication you any young Britisher can make it to very top of motor racing, rain permitting.

Anorak has trawled the message boars for some words of cheer:

Having seen those pictures of black-faced Spaniards, let’s hope they too can get behind one of their own and cheer Lewis on! – El And Black

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Posted: 3rd, November 2008 | In: Sports | Comment

Spanish Hamster Waiters Out To Crucify Lewis Hamilton

TO Spain, where the locals are seeking revenge on the damage inflicted to Spanish hamster waiters by attacking stand-up British racing driver Lewis Hamilton.


The Star has been trawling internet message boards and found a few people who – get this – have nasty things to say about Our Lewis, now based in Switzerland.

“A sick message from a man called Angel, who posted a nail for Lewis on lap 11, raged: ‘I hope you crash, son of a bitch.’”

A nail? Can you post an actual item on the web? (It’s not called the information superhighway for nothing! – Ed)

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Posted: 31st, October 2008 | In: Sports | Comments (6)

Lewis Hamilton Stands Up At The Italian Grand Prix

OVERHEARD on TV: It’s the Italian Grand Prix and Lewis Hamilton is go… Go… Go!!!!

“Would the real Lewis Hamilton please stand up”James Allen, ITV

But how will his feet reach the pedals..?

Posted: 14th, September 2008 | In: Back pages, TV & Radio | Comments (3)