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For Missoni Life Is A Scatter Cushion, Literally

MARGHERITA Maccapani Missoni is the “ambassadress” of Italian fashion label Missoni. In an age where no man or woman is an island, rather a nation with ambassadors, we enter the other world inhabited by the Missonis.

Highlights of the interview are:

MMM: “I feel a bit like the keeper of the brand’s essence. It’s difficult to explain in one sentence. I’ve learnt to be a Missoni. It’s something that’s mine, that belongs to me. I’ve grown up seeing the world through those eyes, through an aesthetic.”

Hello!: “Which is why you’ve become the ambassadress, the chosen one…”

MMM: “As for my friends, they were scattered all over the place. But now I’ve got a cushion of friends I can fall back on and bounce off”…

Living among so much soft furnishing can do that to you…

Posted: 1st, February 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (6)


Commonwealth Games Photos: England Expected To Clean Up In Delhi, Literally

GOODBYE Team England. We looked on as they headed to Delhi for a date with rubber gloves, tinned food and the Modern Pentathlon.

First in are the England hockey team. Take look at their faces, readers. These are the best damn cleaners in British Athletics. Next to arrive will be the keen pro-amateur grouters of the weightlifting team. Then the long jumper tillers and so on. If the Commonwealth is about coming together, then it is up to Great Britain to lead the way.

And if we can invade Poland without delay and get some of their workmen onside, then so much the better…

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Security forces guard the Athletes Village in New Delhi, India.

Posted: 24th, September 2010 | In: Sports | Comment (1)


Joe McElderry Attacks Rage Against The Machine, Literally

rage-against-the-machine2JOE McElderry of Simon Cowell’s X Factory Pop Machine takes on Rage Against The Machine for the fight to be this year’s novelty Christmas No.1. And the Sun leads with:

“JOE RAGE”

It’s always the Rage. Cheryl has had the RAGE. Simon Cowell has had the RAGE. And now Little Joe Joenas gets the RAGE.

We see Joe ‘Joenas’ McElderry firing darts into a picture of Rage Against the Machine’s front man Zack de la Rocha. Says the Sun:

X Factor star blasts rival Rage’s riffage

Joe heard RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE track Killing In The Name – currently beating his song The Climb in the race for Christmas No1 – …Geordie lad Joe was sickened by the heavy rock tune which is littered with f-words.

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Posted: 19th, December 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (10)


X Factor: Comatose Joe McElderry, Danyl Johnson Kills Polar Bears And Olly Murs Itches, Literally

joe-x-factorX Factor: Joe McElderry makes us think, Danyl Johnson kills polar bears, Olly Murs twitches the itches and Stacey Solomon gets religious. Those performances, in order:

Olly Murs – Can You Feel It?

Olly is dressed like he’s off to the cricket club dinner. He signs a song in which the backing signers ask “Can you Feel It?” over and over and over while Olly fingers his white suit. He then dances like a pair of chicken drummers strapped to a cross trainer. He’s the worst of the night, and he’s only first up.

Joe McElderry – She’s Out Of My Life

Joe is dull. He looks neat. He sings neat. He dances neat. Even his teeth and hair are neat. Joe is a shoo-in to play the lead in Joseph And his Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat. Dull.

Stacey Solomon – The Way You Make Me Feel

Stacey is likeable. She wears a hat indoors. People who wear a hat indoors are either deeply religious or ready to kill someone. Stacey might be both. She straddled the furniture on stage and looked pretty good.

Danyl Johnson – Man In The Mirror

This paean to vanity is chosen by Simon Cowell. Behind Danyl there are polar bears sat on small lumps of ice as if they’re trying to melt it with their body heat. Vote for Danyl and a polar bear dies. Vote now and vote often. Polar bears are bad news.

Olly – We Can Work It Out

Olly Murs moves like someone’s poured itching powder in his knickers. The song is bouncy and forgettable. Olly is in trouble. But he does give hope that if he wins any dad can dance like a popstar – so long as that popstar is Olly Murs.

JoeOpen Arms

He sings Open Arms, as sung by Journey. As Joe sings, Anorak starts thinking of those polar bears and if they know that there are now more popular in the media than panda bears. Do polar bears gloat at the big bear get-togethers? Then I come round and Joe has finished singing.

Stacey – Somewhere

Best of the night. Stacey is allowed to mention her son. She’s through.

Danyl – I Have Nothing

Danyl through.

Stacey Though.

Joe through.

Olly out…

Posted: 5th, December 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (9)


Katie Price Answers heat Readers’ Questions, Literally

6111002HAVING seen the Heat video, in which Katie Price tells of going bald in The Priory, the woman who found fame as Mrs Peter Andre answers Heat readers’ questions.

Heat refers to Katie as Jordan/Kate struggling to see past the marketing scam that pits Katie Price (mother) against Jordan (slapper). Any differences become further blurred when Katie lifts up her dress to show off her knickers.

Katie is ready now to answer questions with her fearless candour – “And she’s ready to answer literally anything.

Lucy Archibold: How long after meeting Alex Reid did you sleep with him?
KP: That’s my business and no on else’s.

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Posted: 6th, October 2009 | In: Heat | Comment (1)


Jerzy Janowicz Grows In Stature, Literally, And Andy Murray’s Team GB Loses Davis Cup Standing

7831956GREAT Britain have been relegated to Group II of the Davis Cup’s Europe/Africa Zone after being beaten by Poland, despite Andy Murray’s win over Jerzy Janowicz, the man who grew up on court – literally:

Jerzy Janowicz stands 6ft 6in – Guardian

Polish No 1 Jerzy Janowicz… 6ft 7in – Mail

6ft 8in Jerzy Janowicz – Sun

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Posted: 20th, September 2009 | In: Sports | Comment (1)