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X Factor: Rihanna’s Sharon Stone Impression, Simon Cowell’s Slip, Alicia Keys’ Talent And Lloyd Daniels’ Walk

alicia-keys1X FACTOR results show: with aerated Stacey Solomon, contagious Olly Murs, Danyl Johnson with a ‘y’, ‘young Cliff Richard’ Joe McElderry and non-dancing, barely singing Lloyd Daniels.

“Don’t feel like dancing,” they sang. Danyl Johnson danced. Olly Murs danced. The others took the song as a confessional.

The show needs more padding than Simon Cowell’s face now there are only five singers left, so we get lots of walk and talk pieces to camera from the judges. Joe seems the favourite. But who goes?

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Posted: 29th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (9)


X Factor Live: Jedward Do Jive Bunny, Olly Murs Is The Man And Danyl Johnson Is Careless

6753456X Factor Live Blog: It’s Wham! Week. John and Edward, Danyl Johnson, Stacey Solomon, Jedward, Joe McElderry, Lloyd Daniels and contagious Olly Murs?

1. Lloyd Daniels – You’ve Got To Have Faith.

Lloyd needs faith because he doesn’t have a prayer of winning. Should have sung Wake Me Up Before You GoGo. A does of self-depracating humour might have saved him.

Damned by hard to like Louis Walsh: “I love everything except he voice Lloyd, I think you’re a real little pop star though.”

2. Stacey SolomonI Can’t Make You Love Me

Is she getting blonder?

X Factor: Stacey Solomon Look Alike Gallery. She’s through to next week’s show.

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Posted: 21st, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (4)


X Factor Watch: Jedward Are Outside Favourites And Mariah Carey Dumps The BBC

jedward-simon-puppetsX FACTOR Watch: Anorak’s round-up of X Factor news – Jedward is huge shock vote scandal and Mariah Carey snubs Strictly Come Dancing to work with Simon Cowell…

The X Factor features on only one front page. Oh, how soon they forget.

Daily Star (front page): TWINS SHOCK”

The shock is there was NO shock. Jedward were not knocked out; Jedward were not the worst act; Jedward were better than Jamie Archer and the non-singing, non-dancing, non-twin Lloyd Daniels (he’ll be out next week).

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Posted: 16th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment


X Factor: Jedward Porn Shocker As Olly Murs Seduces Stacey Solomon

jedward-pornX Factor Watch: Jedward watch porn, almost strangled, Stacey Solomon saved by love-struck Olly Murs, Danyl Johnson sings and Lloyd Daniels is in the running.

Can you link these two X Factor stories on Jedward – the John and Edwards Grimes double act?

Daily Star (front page): “Our Hell: Stress is too much”

TERRIBLE twins John and Edward Grimes are cracking up because of the backlash against them.

News of the World (front page): “Jedward caught watching porn”

Simon cracks down on flings, rows and Jedward ogling porn

In other unrelated news:

RHYDIAN: “’Get a grip Danyl’”

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Posted: 15th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment


X Factor: Jedward Line Up Hollywood Movie Deal

samandaON the betting markets Jedward are fancied only less than amnesiac yodeller Lloyd Daniels. But Hollywood waits.

If Jedward go, what will Closer magazine do for news? This week, readers get a welter of Jedward shockers. There’s TV funnyman Alan Carr saying:

“The way I feel about John and Edward is the way I feel about anthrax. They’re awful.”

On the letter’s pages, a reader cheers Jedward for “giving it a go”.

But the pick of the news is the story featuring Sam and Amanda Marchant – who they? – dressing up as Jedward and saying that they will double-date the twins.

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Posted: 11th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment


X Factor Stars Do A Christmas Carol, In Pictures

ANORAK was at the world premiere of Disney’s A Christmas Carol in Leicester Square last night.

All the big stars were giving a remake of a remake of what once was book of a cartoon the weight it deserves: Olly Murs, Stacey Solomon, Danyl Johnson, Jedward, Lucie Jones, Lloyd Daniels, Joe McElderry, Jamie Archer and anyone else you had never heard of a few months ago.

Peter Andre was also there, trying not to outshine the talent and doing his now trademark impression of Bob Cratchit to Katie Price’s Scrooge…

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Picture 1 of 15

X Factor Twins arrive at A Christmas Carol World Premiere, Leicester Square, London

Posted: 4th, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment (1)


X Factor: Jedward’s Threesome, Olly Murs Croaks And Ghostbusters

7992901X FACTOR Watch: Jedward sex shocker, Olly Murs croaks, a threesome, A Christmas Carol, Peter Andre and more sex…

PSST! Want to know about the “TWINS SEX FACTOR SECRET”?

The Daily Star follows its news on the “SIN TWINS – Shock X Factor favourites John and Edward Grimes have lifted the lid on their sex, drugs and booze demons” – with a focus on Jewdwar’s sex lives.

X FACTOR twins John and Edward Grimes are hiding a bombshell sex secret from their fans…

Can you guess? Is it:

a) They are brother and sister
b) They are husband and wife
c) They are shagging Dannii Minogue
d) They are virgins
e) They have no primary sexual characteristics

The answer is… d. And:

The gruesome twosome have only had one girlfriend between them.

What young girl or guy would not want to be the one between John And Edward?

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Posted: 4th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (4)


X Factor: How to Date Olly Murs, Hate Danyl Johnson And Daniel Lloyd Gets Wood

img004ALL the UK mags want to be home of the X Factor, to become the official organ that fans will reach for to read about their fave show’s wannabes, stars and judges. This week’s Heat mag, makes its play, leading with “JEDMANIA”, a tribute to John and Edward Grimes, the X Factor’s answer to America Idol’s Sanjaya Malakar.

For those of you not au fait with Mr Malakar, he was the non-singing, non dancing performer whose hair styles and uselessness kept him on the show week after week. He only failed when all the other acts copied his moves and style and he ended up looking cocky.

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Posted: 3rd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Heat | Comment (1)


X Factor: Teacher Shows Danyl Johnson And Olly Murs How To Quit

idols14X FActor wananber Danyl Johnson is a teacher. Toby Moulton on Australian Idol shows him, John & Edward, Lloyd Daniels, Olly Murs and every other wannabe that singing might not be for them. A look at the X Factor show judges Dannii Minogue and Cheryl Cole suggests singing is not for them either – it’s just a gateway to the fame, riches and adulation.

Says Toby: “I now know you I am – I’m a teacher.”

It could be mawkish. The audience goes wild. But the man’s point is well made. You’ve got to want it to get on in Simon Cowell’s pop prep school. And wanting it can override any need for talent.

Toby Moulton did not want it enough. He knew his own mind. Simon Cowell knows his own mind. His acts seem to have left their minds at the door…

Posted: 2nd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment


X Factor: Jedward, Head Lice In The House, Sanjaya Malakar And A Fix

rachel-lloydX FACTOR: John & Edward take it lice and queasy, Rachel sobs, Lloyd Daniels has not time to keep time and it is a fact that when the tabloids run out of puns for John & Edward the act will go the way of Chico Time, Mr Blobby and Little Jimmy Osmond.

And Sanjaya Malakar, the former American Idol contestant whose inability to carry a tune in his seive of a voice  and high hair led to him almost taking the title.

The Sun (front page): “Return of the JEDDIES”

Daily Mail (front page): “X-traordinary – They got through again”

Daily Mirror (front page):”Could they Twin It?”

Daily Mirror: “CEREAL OFFENDERS – THE X FACTOR JEDWARD DIVIDES THE NATION”

X Factor’s gruesome twosome John and Edward don’t just murder classic Queen songs – they’d kill for a bowl of cornflakes, too. It turns out that the talentless 18-yearold Grimes boys – who are still in the competition after their worst performance so far – have a habit of knicking the other contestants’ food.

The Sun: “Twins gave us Jed lice”

THE X Factor house is feared to be infested with HEAD LICE – and the towering hairdos of John and Edward Grimes are being blamed.

Daily Star (front page):  “TWINS SECRET PLOT TO WIN”

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Posted: 2nd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment


X Factor: Danyl Johnson Saved By Stacey Solomon

danyl-johnson-8AND it came to pass that the X Factor did some down to Miss Frank, a would-be drag act named after a boutique in the Poole Arndale Centre, and Danyl Johnson, the Bronze Age Will Young.

Both acts are vastly superior to non-singing, non-dancing Lloyd Daniels and Return To Oz extras John & Edward.

Was Danyl undone by the story of his making Stacey Solomon cry? We waited. The judges would decide. Who stays?

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Posted: 25th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (5)


X Factor Finalists John & Edward Scare Sick Children For Charity

michael-jackson-thrillerTIME for an X Factor Tribute to Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, and latterly the King of Prop(ofol).

What might be the best way to pay homage to the singer who, if Lloyd Daniels has the X Factor, surely had the XXX Factor? Dr Conrad Murray saying Jackson died from an acute bout of Olly Murs? Pub singer Jamie Archer dressing as a human sambuca? A Halloween rendition of Thriller with John & Edward coming as they are?

Later. For now, the The X Factor finalists are to release a cover (aka inferior copy) of Michael Jackson’s You Are Not Alone to – get this – raise money for Great Ormond Street Hospital.

Kids, you are not alone. Michael Jackson’s here. As Sky News reports:

Simon Cowell is urging fans of the show to buy the record to help sick children

And to help third-rate singers who are barely out of school.

In other X Factor news:

Wales Online, Nathan Bevan: “DRUGS can do funny things to a person.”

See above.

Take my uncle Iestyn for example. Someone once bet him to lick the top of the cistern down the toilets of his local and he ended up crawling round the dancefloor backwards, his trousers and pants down and barking like a dog.
To compound that image still further, I should probably tell you that Iestyn also has a pair of eyes tattooed on his buttocks. I can’t blame that on drugs though, he had them done years ago…

But I digress.

What I actually wanted to talk to you about was Whitney Houston on X Factor.

Make the link…

Posted: 25th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)


The X Factor 12: The Infectious Olly Murs, Bronze Age Danyl Johnson And Acid Kandy Rain

hateWE’RE down to the last dozen in the X Factor. Anorak gives you pen portraits of the runners and riders:

OVER 25s

Olly Murs – Say his name quickly and it sounds like a child hood infection. “Oh, yes,” says the mum at the school gates. “He’s got Olly Murs, all over his back and groin.” One day everyone will want Olly Murs. But with Robbie Williams still around that day is not any time soon.

Danyl Johnson – That Danyl spells his name with a ‘y’ is the first and second most interesting thing about him. The third most remarkable thing is that when he sings he actually makes himself wince. He also looks like a Bronze Age version of Will Young trying to light a fire with his stare.

Jamie Archer – Jamie has huge hair. Vote now and often to keep Jamie on the stage so that no-one ever has to sit behind him at a concert, film or on a bus.

BOYS

Joe McElderry – The north east’s answer Marti Pellow – if the question was, “What’s wetter than Marti Pellow?”

Lloyd Daniels – Blessed with an expression that says he left his geography homework on the bus and doesn’t care who knows it. Lloyd Daniels sounds a bit like Danielle Lloyd, the nation’s sweetheart. Look out for Lloyd taking his top off and setting off on a jinking run through the Spurs ladies football team.

Rikki Loney – He’s the cat in the hat. Rikki wears a hat because a) he’s going bald; b) it was his dying mum’s last wish; c) anything that distract you from his voice is worth a try; d) it’s what Michael Jackson would have wanted.

GIRLS

Stacey Solomon – The winner.

Rachel Adedegi – Devoid of the girly prettiness that the likes of her mentor Dannii Minogue pays big bucks for, Rachel needs to actually rely on her singing to win the X Factor. As such, she is shafted – but looks more than capable of wiping the smirk from any winner’s face – literally (right, Dermot?).

Lucie Jones – Lucie is Welsh. The Welsh, as we are often told are to singing what the Canadians are to seal clubbing. Lucie’s Welshness should secure her lots of votes from her army of Welsh fans who will drape themselves in dragon-themed flags to say how proud they are of Lucie, how all of Wales is praying for her and how Wales – did we mention wales? – is all about the singing, as anyone who has heard Cardiff fans giving full throat to “He’s sad, he’s fat, He is a f*cking twat, Leighton James, Leighton James…” will tunefully attest.

GROUPS

Kandy Rain – They used to be strippers. One of them used to do porn. If you thought stripping porn stars couldn’t sing you have not heard Kandy Rain. One listen and you’ll know…

Miss Frank – The name suggests a drag act. The music suggests being dragged out to a drunken night in a local karaoke bar.

John & Edward – When they Come to make Midwich Cuckoos The Musical, John and Edward will be shoo-ins for at least two of the lead roles. Hateful. Terrible. Depressing. Pretty much why the show is a hit.

The X Factor – making tomorrow’s has-beens…

Posted: 5th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment


X Factor: Danni Minogue Sends Danyl Johnson To Poland

danyl-johnsonIN other X Factor news, this season has seen a welter of gratuitous spellings and talented vowels. Acts wondering how Dannii Minogue got on in the music industry find the secret of her success in that second “i”.

The Final 24 took in:

De-Tour
Lucie Jones
Lloyd Daniels
Rikki Loney
Treyc Cohen
Danyl Johnson

If Dannii can form this lot into an act – or a decent sized duffel bag – they can dropped from a plane over Poland, where vowels are in short supply.

Posted: 4th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)