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Michael Jackson: Sperm Parties, Macaulay Culkin And A Secret Heart Attack

macaulay_culkin_michael_jacksonMICHAEL Jackson Watch: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at Michael Jackson in the news – Macaulay Culkin’s sperm, Wacked Off Jackson’s celebrity milking machine, Jackson’s secret heart attack and the FBI…

Michael Jackson is now less Wacko Jacko as he is Wacked Off Jackson, the man who went about harvesting his friends’ sperm, singing to them to keep their produce tip-top quality and reminding them that more than two crotch grabs is a donation.

Mark Lester has already told us about his time on the Jacksons milking machine, and we have read of Jackson’s own desperming. Now we are invited to see Macaulay Culkin hooked up to the Jackson milk-o-matic.

The Sun: “Home Alone Culkin ‘is dad of Blanket’”

ACTOR Macaulay Culkin is the mystery dad of Michael Jackson’s son Blanket, it was claimed last night.

Blanket. Pubescent sperm. Did Jackson play a team of scrapologists to process the Neverland bedding? The King of…Pop?

The Home Alone film star is said to have donated sperm to help Jacko create his seven-year-old offspring – real name Prince Michael II – with an unknown surrogate mum.

One source said: “It is well known Jackson and Macaulay shared a unique bond. Now rumours are spreading like wildfire that Macaulay, who Jackson nicknamed Mack, is actually Blanket’s biological dad.”

Rumours mentioned. Rumours spread. And minds turn to those Jackson did not milk.

* Did Jackson equip Uri Geller with a soup soon and a copy of the Carrs of Sheffield catalogue?

* Did Elizabeth Taylor show Jackson her vials filled with the essences of husbands’ past?

* Did Jackson’s kin supply sperm, and would it explain La Toya Jackson’s wide-eyed expression?

* Is David Gest fit for purpose?

* Did Bubbles spank the monkey?

No word yet from Culkin nor anyone else. Still, rumours and all that.  In other Jackson Five news:

Daily Mirror: “Michael Jackson’s heart attack was ‘kept secret’, claims singer’s friend

Dr Steven Hoefflin, a friend of the singer, revealed the latest twist after speaking to medics involved in Jackson’s case. He confirmed: “They say he had lividity, which means his blood had already sunk to the back of his body.”

Which means Michael Jackson’s body was on was back to front?

“This indicates Michael’s heart had stopped hours earlier.”

What other facts?

Forensic pathologist Dr Cyril Wecht, not involved in the Jackson case, said: “If someone carried the body from one room to another, the livor would be ‘broken’ where contact with the body was made.”

If…

“If one person held his ankles and the other held him under his arms, there would be corresponding white interruptions of livor mortis in those spots.

If…

Retired FBI special agent Ted Gunderson, who has independently monitored the case, said the new evidence pointed to a “massive cover-up” by Murray.

Independently monitored the case – as in, read the newspapers and watched telly…

He asked: “Did Murray try to fool people into thinking Jackson died on the way to hospital in the hope an autopsy could be avoided?”

Dunno. What say you, detective?

If so, it didn’t work, which is why he had to confess to administering Propofol.” Murray, 56, denies mistreating Jackson.

If…

Michael Jackson – Rest in Pieces…

Michael Jackson Homicide: Wacked Off Jacko Donated Sperm

Posted: 31st, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (4)