Posts Tagged ‘Madonna’
Madonna’s Untouched Face For Louis Vuitton: Photos
MADONNA is the flawless beauty for Louis Vuitton’s winter 2009 ad campaign. She has the skin of, well, a Madonna before the fall. But can it be that Madge is not as she seems?
Might it be that those photos of her with Jesus (NSFW) are typical of Madonna’s face, less a fact than moveable target? We’ve got those pictures of the Louis Vuitton shoot before the airbrushing took hold.
Well, Louis Vuitton do make leather goods…
Madonna Pays Homage To Susan Boyle’s Pussy In Dolce And Gabbana Ads: Pictures
Demi Moore For Helena Rubenstein: Before And After Pictures
NSFW pictures of Madonna’s own personal Jesus
Posted: 3rd, June 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (7)
Celebs Who Look Like Cartoon Characters: A Gallery
HERE’S a gallery of cartoon characters that look like other people – some famous, like Rihanna and Madonna; others just like people who see in the street and think they look familiar.
Posted: 11th, May 2010 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comment
Sandra Bullock Interview: Louis Bardo Bullock, The Universe, Jesse James, Poop And Pictures
SANDRA Bullock pulled a blind side when she adopted Louis Bardo Bullock, a child names after Louis Armstrong and someone called Bardo. Bullock tells us that she is to divorce Jesse James, the Vanilla Gorilla who, allegedly, bumped Nazi memorabilia with Michelle McGee and others.
Bullock is on the cover of Hello!, presenting her new baby, “the perfect little man”. Bullock Junior is black and had a bris – a Jewish circumcision. This is how Sammy Davis Junior started. We expect big things from Louis.
Louis seems to be being set up for a celebrity life. Says Bullock:
“He’s handsome, but it’s his spirit that’s beautiful. There’s a wisdom to him.”
Louis is three-months-old and wearing an expression Bullock says means “hurry up and get it done” – and which other mums might suppose means “I’m doing it. Plop. There ya go.”
Sandra says she won’t discuss the adoption to “protect her son’s privacy”. That’s Louis naked in his mum’s arms in Hello! magazine.
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Posted: 4th, May 2010 | In: Hello!, Key Posts | Comments (5)
Madonna’s ‘Private Diaries’ On Sale? No Word Yet From Melissa Crowe
WANT to buy what is claimed to be Madonna’s private journal? Anorak’s Man in LA reports:
NOT since someone obtained diaries, racy photos, used sex toys and other contents of a locker abandoned by Paris Hilton, has a storage facility’s contents been so talked about in Hollywood.
It would seem that a woman named Melissa Crowe forgot to pay the rent on a store-it-yourself locker and the contents ended up at auction, as they often do.
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Posted: 1st, May 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
In Pictures: Madonna Back In London Before African Adventure
MADONNA is back in London. Having heard Lady Gaga’s thinly veiled threat, Madonna, 51, is here to prove that you can make musing in your 50s. We spotted Madonna land at Heathrow Airport with Jesus Luz and her other youngsters: David Banda, Mercy James and Lourdes. From here its off to Malawi. Hand sanitizer at the ready…
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Posted: 29th, March 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Jesus Luz Talks About The Univese Called Madonna: Interview
JESUS Luz is not only Madonna’s personal Jesus he is also a man with a mind. Get this of when he and Madonna met:
“I believe in the force of attraction. It was two energies that met, two minds that connected.”
One mind was his; the other’s hers.
“With all this attention, it is a real temptation to feel superior. So, for me, it’s really good that my friends says, ‘You are still a cool guy.”
You want more from the man who remains “very down to earth” despite dating Madonna and being named Jesus? Well, there is more, because Grazia is talking with the model and DJ.
Madonna And Jesus Luz Create A Baby Quicker Than Malawi: Very NSFW
“I always liked being a relationship. It’s difficult to meet a young girl who has a mature head.”
So he’s dating a mature girl with a young head – a work in progress.
But what of that modelling? Jesus says that when he met Madonna on a shoot for W magazine he knew he’d made it. It was his first shoot for a “renowned” magazine. A door had opened.
“I just did what I had to do. I was more thinking, ‘What can I do to get the next job.”
Then he started dating Madonna and “his modelling career is thriving”.
“A DJ for less than a year, he is already playing some of Brazil’s biggest clubs.”
Says Jesus:
“Many times I have asked God why he has given me so much. But I think that’s what happens in anyone’s life when the universe conspires to make it happen.”
It’s good when the universe is on your side. That’s the universe called Madonna…
Madonna And Jesus Luz Create A Baby Quicker Than Malawi: Very NSFW
Posted: 10th, March 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
Brits Awards In Pictures: JLS Win, Dizzee Rascal Saves And Cheryl Cole Fights A Paper Bag and Loses
THE Brits Awards show was the AGM to end all music industry AGMs this month. JLS proved likeable, and not just because we bumped into Aston Merrygold in Brent X, Lady GaGa, Madonna’s camel (a popstar formed by committee) did everything to hide her face, Dizzee Rascal rocked and with Florence saved the UK pop industry from Cheryl Cole fighting her way out of a paper bag…
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Posted: 16th, February 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
Young Madonna Meets Brazil’s Next President: Pictures
MADONNA is in Brazil. That’s her with Sao Paulo’s Governor Jose Serra in Sao Paulo city, Brazil, the man who be the country’s next president. Madonna spent an hour talking about helping Brazil’s poor children. No, not by dating them once they’ve finished college (NSFW) but by distributing sanitizer gels and love. Serra wraps an arm around her Says he: “She seems very young, much less than her.” She’s 79, Serra, you old silken tongued devil. No, of course, Madonna is the average of the sum of her parts and optional extras, which is about 32.
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Posted: 11th, February 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Madonna Pays Homage To Susan Boyle’s Pussy In Dolce And Gabbana Ads: Pictures
HAVING seen Madonna without make up and her own personal Jesus without his pants (NSFW). Madonna cuts a flawless figure in her latest adverts for Dolce & Gabbana. In the ads you can watch her put on the makeup – with a Photoshop airbrush. She then poses with a broom and pets a pussy cat in a clear homage to Susan Boyle. Is it time for Madonna to reinvent herself once more or, thanks to technology, is there no longer a need when it’s just so easy to remain unchanged?
Posted: 23rd, January 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Madonna’s Daughter Lourdes On $110,000 A Week Pocket Money
ANORAK’S man in LA with his nose in an Italian newspaper, says Madonna’s kid Lourdes Leon, is minted, raking in $11k a week.
THE daughter of Madonna and Carlos Leon, has a reputation for having her fingers on the fashion pulse of the tween set. And if an Italian newspaper is to be believed, we now know how she affords to be among the best dressed 13-year-olds in the world.
La Repubblica claims that Lourdes scores an $11,000 a week allowance from Mamadonna.
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Guy Ritchie To Open Punch Bowl Cockney Theme Pub In New York And LA
COR luvvus, Guy Richie, formerly known as Mr Madonna, is only gonna open a rub-a-dub in the Big Apple and in LA – two versions of his toff pub The Punch Bowl in Londond’s Mayfair:
According to reports, Ritchie is also looking into launching his own beer brand and has registered possible names including, “Bitta Ritchie” and “Punch Bowl Ales.”
“It’s in the early stages of development, he’s looking at premises now,” a source tells PEOPLE who adds: “Guy is really excited and he’s definitely planning some fun ideas with the drinks.”
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Posted: 17th, January 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Material Boy: Madonna’s Secret Son Caught On Video
MATERIAL Boy is set to his the movie theatres soon. And the trailer is a class act: Material Boy is Madonna’s son, allegedly. Here’s the voiceover:
“On December 24, 1973, a young, 15-year-old girl named Madonna gave birth to a boy in a hospital in Michigan. Now, 36 years later, the best ever kept secret in the history of pop music will be revealed.”
Well, it’s the second best secret. The fist best secret is… Nah, we’ll save it. Why a woman who has strapped herself to a cross, adopted and shown us everything aisde from her internal organs should keep a child a secret seems odd. Best to reserve judgement:
Posted: 16th, January 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Lady GaGa In Madonna Swearing Shocker
MORE evidence that Lady GaGa is Madonna’s Camel – an amalgam of all Madge’s tricks and spits formed by committee.
Remember when Madonna asked the Live 8 crowd: “Are you f***ing ready, London?” Hundreds complained.
Incidentally, that concert for care was also illuminated by Snoop Dogg, extolling the mob to “Wave your motherfucking hands in the air – wave the motherfuckers like you just don’t care.”
Anyhow, here’s Lady Gaga doing the swearing popstar thing, telling the audience at Live: Isle of MTV:
“Put your hand up in the air and dance, you motherfuckers.”
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Posted: 12th, January 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Nicole Kidman Dresses As Adam Ant At Nine Premiere New York: In Pictures
WITH Nicole Kidman’s Adam Ant Tribute to the New York premiere of ‘Nine’ at the Ziegfeld Theatre. Or was it a Pete Doherty memorial? Or is Nicole Kidman face frozen after that tongue sandwhich? Also there, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Madonna, Kimora Lee Simmons, Djimon Hounsou, Fergie, Kate Hudson, Goldie Hawn, Marion Cotillard, Zoe Kravitz, Fergie, Terri Jackson, Tobey Maguire, Melania Trump, Daniel Day-Lewis, Penelope Cruz and Judi Dench. All very starry. We have all the pictures:
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Posted: 16th, December 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)
Reviews Of The Decade In Pictures: 2000 In Showbiz
IN 2000, this is what was hot on showbiz. Anorak’s reviews of the decade – Year 2000 in pictures – with Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston, Michael Cain, Jude Law, Sir Richard Branson, Billy Bob Thornton, Leonardo Di Caprio, Giselle Bundchen, Dame Shirley Bassey, Victoria Beckham, Model Kelly Brook, Madonna, Sir Bob Geldof, Paula Yates, Big Brother, Robert Downey Jnr, Guy Ritchie and Halle Berry…
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Katie Price’s Burning Sensation X Factor Presents The Week In Pictures
WHAT a week that was, folks. We saw Gary Glitter’s Halloween costume, a man was beaten to death on the telly for our entertainment, The Cheeky Girls encouraged thoughts of them mating with X Factor’s Jedward and creating a new breed of horror, Madonna sanitized Africa, police arrested West Ham, Stephen Fry fans pretending to be actors, had a strop on Twitter, X Factor agonist Danyl Johnson was beaten by Hitler, giving us another reason to hate Danyl with a Y, Marlon King was branded a typical footballer, you got to cover your cat’s anus with a glitter ball, Muslims laughed at Muslims, Ollie Murs reminded us of them, Iggy Pop, Muhammad reminded us of corduroy bodysuits, starred in a film as John Travolta, we blamed the Muslims for Madeleine McCann, Al Gore became a God, Daily Mail readers came out in favour of Sharia LawNazis and , we learnt that a virus can wear bovver boots, was burnt as a bitch, Katie PriceSusan Boyle was our transsexual Jesus, Lindsay Lohan died, almost, Ringo Starr became something funny in the water, we saw the Carrie Prejean sex tape, Katie and Peter got back together, we enjoyed blood porn, Sharon Osbourne presented her hairy arsehole, Jedward reviewed their novelty record collection, Elizabeth LambertBeyonce made us watch women’s football- and it was good, showed us her knickers and Nidal Malik Hasan became a victim as he murdered 13 people.
Posted: 7th, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment
Madonna Teaches Good Hygiene To Africa
MADONNA has a message for the kids of the Home of Hope orphanage and African Baby Shoppe, Malawi.
Madonna wants to the kids to know that they should retain the hope – one day she may need more children and they should be ready to look photogenic at all times. The other thing Madonna wants to teach you is that good hand hygiene can never be ignored.
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Posted: 31st, October 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Brad Pitt’s Life Of Hell, Beer, Wine, Beards And Chips
IN this week’s National Enquirer, news that Angelina Jolie is “DESTROYING” Brad Pitt, Justin Timberlake’s Rihanna-Biel “LOVE TRIANGLE” and “HOW NICOLE RICHIE LOST 14LBS IN 7 DAYS.”
Brad And Angelina En France:
News is that “BRAD’S FALLING APART”. He’s “bloated” and haggard” as he endures a “life of hell” with Angelina Jolie. He’s losing his looks and it’s “crushing his spirit.”
You can see just how crushed Brad is as he tours a Syrian camp for dispossessed Iraqis on his and Angelina’s Little Donkey Tour of the Middle East.
That’s Brad Pitt with the “unkempt Colonel Sanders-style beard”, the tatty chin with bits of chicken fat, coleslaw and gristle in the creases.
That beard keeps getting longer to hide Brad’s tall stack of chins. Can the chin hair grow in step with his chins? It’s the big talking point.
Meanwhile, back at the chateau, a game of hide and seek is being enacted:
“Brad’s answer to these problems has been to hide away with a bottle of wine and some beer, which is easy for him because the chateau is enormous and he can slip to the other side of the property and stay there for days on end. He’ll find himself some French cheese and meats and grab some olives, chips and other greasy goods. Then he washes it down with bottle after bottle of expensive wine and super-strong European beer, which is his favourite.”
It is a living hell.
Justin Timberlake, Rihanna and Jessica Biel
Rihanna’s people say that Justin Timberlake must end it with Jessica Biel if he is to have any chance to dating Rihanna, who Justin is not dating but might if he drops Jessica Biel.
Only if Timberlake stops dating Biel can he even think of dating Rihanna.
And what foes for Rihanna, goes too for Kirstie Alley, Madonna, Helen Shapiro, Sarah ‘Fergie’ Ferguson and Cheryl Cole…
Perspective With Mary Jo Eustace, Dean McDermott and Tori Spelling
Mary Jo has a new book out. It’s called Divorce Sucks. In it she speaks of her ex-husband Dean McDermott and how he and Tori hooked up:
“I guess I always knew that after the years of mini bombs, one day there would be a big, fat Hiroshima.”
After that, Mary Jo gathers herself to talk of a picture she saw of Tori with her legs raised about a prone Dean. And she delivers the bombshell:
“I will never feel the same way about cowboy boots again.”
And you thought there was only one way to think about cowboy boots.
Nicole Richie Slims Down
Did you know that Nicole Richie lost 14 pounds – in weight! -after giving birth to a baby that weighed 7lbs 14oz. Add on the attachments and the water and the breast feeding and the miracle is not that Richie lost weight but that she had any weight left to lose…
Posted: 6th, October 2009 | In: Key Posts, National Enquirer | Comments (2)
Stefani Germanotta Sings Live In New York, Video
BEFORE Stefani Germanotta formed a one-woman committee and created Madonna’s camel face, and called it Lady Gaga, she was an NYU student with a piano and a date in the Bitter End venue.
Behidnt eh masks and the period features is a woman who can play an instrument, so making her an object of wonder and mysticism to Simon Cowell’s doll factory, and almost captivate a crowd high on sardony and mum and dad’s cash cards.
Cue the music:
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Posted: 26th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Madonna Performed As Lady GaGa, In Pictures
LADY GaGa is everywhere. Thanks to her masks and string vest burka she might be more than one. Some GaGa’s even be men.
Having been pipped to suicide on the MTV stage by Kanye West and his bottle of cognac, a GaGa was in New York to look over Marc Jacobss Spring 2010 Collection during Mercedes Benz Fashion Week.
Why GaGa want to see the latest fashion was a mystery, until we saw the pictures of her with Madonna. GaGa is Madonna’s camel face, the popstar by committee.
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Posted: 16th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Jaycee Dugard: Rape Orgies, The Jaycee Dugard Barbie And Garrido Confesses
JAYCEE Lee Dugard – Anorak’s look at Jaycee Dugard in the news: 140 perverts raped Jaycee, taking Madonna’s virginity, the Jaycee Dugard Barbie doll and Phillip Garrido confesses…
Daily Star: “Jaycee’s 140 local perverts.”
Jaycee Dugard lived in a “pervert’s paradise”.
Paradise for perverts is a dusty place in Antioch, California.
JAYCEE Lee Dugard was held captive for 18 years in a squalid neighbourhood crawling with paedophiles and rapists. Her kidnapper Phillip Garrido threw drunken orgies in his back yard and police suspect that local sex fiends took turns abusing Jaycee.
The contest to make this story even worse is being enjoyed by the Star.
More than 140 beasts are registered there after seeking refuge in the dreary, crime-ridden back- water following prison, as they could blend in there unnoticed… Detectives are now piecing together what happened to Jaycee and the two daughters Garrido fathered with her in captivity. Their fear now is that LSD junkie Garrido served up Jaycee like a piece of meat to his predator pals.
The fear is not the fact. The fear may even – get his – titillate the reader.
Polly White, 65, one of Garrido’s neighbours, said: “We found out there’s a predator living up the road and we were less worried about Garrido than the other one.’’
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Posted: 3rd, September 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (4)
Madonna, Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher And Justin Timberlake Arrive For Israel Summit
Madonna, Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher And Justin Timberlake Arrive For Israel Summit.
MADONNA is coming to Israel. And there’s nothing Israel can do about it.
The Material Girl went from wanting to be ‘as famous as God’ in the Eighties to wanting to reach God through Kabbalah, and to save both planet Earth and the black babies who wander on it, in the Noughties.
Israel’s Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu and opposition leader Tzipi Livni will both meet Madonna. But the fear is that she can not be stopped.
Madonna wants to perform at Tel Aviv’s Park Hayarkon, on Tuesday and Wednesday night.
Before that she’ll meet the politicos. Can they dissuade her?
Even before that Madonna’s in Jerusalem’s Old City, touring an ancient tunnel near the Western Wall. We watched her go in. We waited. Men prayed. Later she emerged.
Madonna will tour graves of Talmudic sages in Safed and attend a Kabbalah Centre ritual with Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore. The Jerusalem Post says another “Kabbalah-related celebrity friend”, Justin Timberlake, is on his way to the scene.
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Posted: 31st, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
Peter Andre Heads Home To Australia
LOOK out girls and gonads, Peter Andre is heading back into the ITV jungle studio, where the first laid hands on Katie Price.
The Star says:
“PETER Andre will make a sensational return to the I’m A Celebrity jungle to bury the ghosts of his past… He is determined that the jaunt Down Under will help mend his broken heart.”
Is this the same Peter Andre who has moved on? A source looks to set things straight:
“It’s going to be a ratings winner. The public loves Peter and they’d love nothing more than to see him back in the jungle.”
Indeed, sending Peter Andre back to a small brightly lit clearing in Australia is high on many music fans’ wish list. If we can achieve it with love, then let us do so. Peter, we love you. We really love you. We also love Noel Edmonds, Anthea Turner as we once loved Victoria Beckham and Madonna. Love is about letting go, Pete. That’s real love.
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Posted: 19th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)
Madonna And Children’s Italian Renaissance
TO Italy, where Madonna is making her 51st birthday with a family get-together on a boat.
Madge wears an outfit of long shorts and sleeveless top, making her look as street as any Victorian in a bathing costume.
Madge and children are travelling on a boat to Dolce & Gabbana’s home in Italy. Next year you’ll all be wearing apple catchers on the beach.
But why is Madonna covering up. Given the veiny arms, we are left wondering what the greater Madonna looks like. Some say her veins mirror a map of the Venice canal system, which ridges of dry skin for bridges and the dome of the Santa Maria della Salute formed by a tanned ganglion. Others say the veins are lay lines that offer directional aides to her young lover.
In her arms was her own personal Jesus, who thanks to Madonna’s riches didn’t have to cut a fish into a gazillion pieces but was just required to show the kids how to take a photo of the watching paps.
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Posted: 18th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Lady Gaga Says Bondage Makes You Gay
LADY Gaga is naked on the cover of OUT magazine. Jimmy Savile lookalike (pictured) Gaga will do anything to stop you looking at her face. Or her penis. Yes, dear reader, the web is rife with rumours that Lady Gaga is a hermaphrodite, or a drag act, or one of the Lady Boys of Bangkok.
So long as you don’t look at her face, you can say what you like about Madonna’s camel.
If Gaga was in the UK, we’d have hundreds of pictures of her face. The UK has 20 pet cent of the world’s CCTV. The only place Gaga’s face would not be seen would be on BBC3 or the House of Lords, and Ladies.
Says Gaga:
“I very much want to inject gay culture into the mainstream. It’s not an underground tool for me. It’s my whole life. So I always sort of joke that the real motivation is to just turn the world gay.”
To turn the world gay, Gaga poses nude with a skeleton, appears wrapped head-to-toe in bondage bandages, and languishes in a coffin smoking a ciggie.
This is how you become gay and make the world gay. Gay-a is turned. Gayness can be undone by stopping doing any one of these things. And stop drinking frog spawn. And she’s still talking:
“I’ve become really fascinated with fantasy and monster movies of the ’50s.”
Fascinated with fantasy. Thrilled by thrillerzzz. Horrified by horror. Mystified by mystery… Gaga is called Gaga for a reason. She writes all her own jokes:
“Somehow I feel, socially, after a war or after something really bad happens there’s a rebirth of naiveté, so that’s where my obsession comes from. That’s when the fame monster is born.”
You need naivete to buy into the Gaga legend. Pictures:
Posted: 13th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
