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Harrowing Stuff: Knife Crime Ravages Yorkshire Village

KNIFE crime is not the preserve of the city or market town kebab shop.

It is everywhere. It is rife. To a barn in Yorkshire we journey where the everyday story of country folk features a young farmer impaled on a blade.

Harrowing scenes as Andy Sugden, of Emmerdale, is impaled on an iron harrow. His wife leaves him to die.

“How times have changed,” says Jane Moore in the Sun, recalling the days of home-cooked farm fayre, when a young famer would kill himself with a shotgun and the kids sold Es from the rave barn.

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Posted: 1st, October 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (12)

Red Tuesday: Banks Fall, The Experts’ Top Tips And Spending Is The New Saving

MORE news that no-one knows what’s going on in the money markets as the Sun screams: “BLACKEST DAY”. Or as the Mirror puts it: “BLACKEST MONDAY.”

Black Monday is the name given to Monday, October 19, 1987, when stock markets around the world crashed. Should not yesterday be “Blacker Monday”?

Readers may be confused. To be in the black means to be free of debt; it is in the red that suggests debt and poverty. The Sun’s headline should read: “REDDEST DAY.”

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Posted: 30th, September 2008 | In: Money, Tabloids | Comments (24)

Nigel Lawson’s Law: All Fat Peopel Want To Look Rich

NIGELLA Lawson would like to tell Mail readers about her husband Charles Saatchi’s “nine eggs a day diet.”

In an exclusive interview with The Mail on Sunday’s You magazine today, 48-year-old Ms Lawson says her husband’s ‘completely mad eggs, eggs and more eggs diet’ now means that he is thinner than her.

Anorak recalls how former chancellor of the Exchequer Nigel Lawson, the masculine singular root of Nigella, also lost a shed load of weight.

It seems odd that the two males most associated with Nigella both now resemble the Christmas turkey that got away.

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Posted: 28th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)

Omar Bakri Funded Daughter’s Pole Dancing Career

IS this how victory in the war on terror will be marked, with the arrival of Omar Bakri’s daughter on page 3?

To rival pictures of Churchill flashing a Victory salute, US soldiers raising the flag on Iwo Jima and Saddam Hussein in his underpants, is Yummy Yasmin Fostok to flash her Twin Towers?

The West will surely have won when Yasmin gets ‘em our for the lads.

The Mail features the totems of our success on the battle field, and in the hearts and minds, with a shot of Yasmin cradling her chest and the headline: “Revealed: Radical cleric Bakri’s pole-dancer daughter.”

Well, revealed yesterday in the Sun, but here she is again. Says the paper:

Hundreds of youngsters go wild over the daughter of the preacher of hate who rants against Western ‘depravity’.

And so too will thousands of middle-aged men and other Mail readers who likeways rail, and stare, we’d wager.

And what of those boobs? Truthers tuning in might wonder at their authenticity. And, indeed, Yasmin’s weapons of mass detraction are fakes, paid for by her dear old dad.

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Posted: 27th, September 2008 | In: Reviews | Comments (5)