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Transfer balls: Manchester United fish for Everton ‘hero’ Barkley

Transfer balls: The Daily Star says “Manchester United are weighing up a £45m move for Everton’s Ross Barkley.”

Number of words to supports the claim: nil.

Aware that the story is thinner than Victoria Beckham’s smile, the Mirror creates the headline: “Manchester United line up £45m Ross Barkley deal?” 

The Mirror then adds: “Manchester United have made £45m-rated Everton midfielder Ross Barkley their top summer target (Daily Star Sunday).”

And with that a story with no source of facts features in two tabloids.

And what of the story? Would Barkely go to United? Well, the Sun told us in late 2014: “ROSS BARKLEY has signed a new £13.5million Everton contract — insisting he could not ‘do a Wayne Rooney’.” 

Barkley declared: “I knew what it meant when Rooney left. I knew how the fans felt. We thought Everton could have pushed on, so when he left we were all down. It’s a dream to be playing for Everton. This means everything to me.”

And it was the, er, Daily Star which told us a few months back: “Barkley, 21, is well on his way to becoming a homegrown hero.”

Everton have new owners. They never buckled and sold John Stones in the summer. So why would Barkley leave them for Manchester United?

Posted: 3rd, April 2016 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports | Comment


Manchester United balls: Mourinho tears up agreement to join Valencia

MANCHESTER, ENGLAND - DECEMBER 28: A fan poses with a Manchester United scarf displaying the image and name of former Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho, outside the stadium before the Barclays Premier League match between Manchester United and Chelsea at Old Trafford on December 28, 2015 in Manchester, England. (Photo by Alex Livesey/Getty Images)

Cancel the Jose Mourinho Manchester United scarf. News is that the former Chelsea manager is off to coach Valencia. The Sun tells us as much:

Exclusive: SunSport understands serious discussions have been ongoing for more than a month about Jose Mourinho becoming the master of the Mestalla [Valencia coach]

Anyone finding it too late to return their Jose at Old Trafford scarf should take it up with the Sun, which previously told readers way back in February 2016:

Jose Mourinho agrees three-year deal to become Manchester United manager

Such are the facts…

Posted: 31st, March 2016 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports | Comment


Manchester United balls: Van Gaal missing, Depay stars and Rooney stays

Manchester United will sack manager Louis Van Gaal at the end of this season. The Manchester Evening News treats its readers to “Five hints Louis van Gaal is set to LEAVE Manchester United this summer.”

Number 1 is: “Pre-season tour video no-show.”

Van Gaal featured heavily in the video United produced to promote their pre-season tour of the United States last summer. But when the club started promoting next summer’s tour to China last week, the 64-year-old wasn’t in it . Not once.

Who did feature?

No fewer than 14 first-team players did feature, including Wayne Rooney, David De Gea and even Jesse Lingard, Guillermo Varela and Marcus Rashford, but Van Gaal was nowhere to be seen.

So, if you’re in the early promo video you will still be at Manchester United next season. Got it. Memphis Depay, Luke Shaw, Morgan Schneiderlin, Wayne Rooney, Juan Mata, David De Gea, Bastian Schweinsteiger, Anthony Martial, Marcus Rashford, Guillermo Varela, Jesse Lingard, Chris Smalling, Ashley Young and Ander Herrera are all shown in the video.

And over in the Sun we learn:

Memphis Depay set to be axed in summer Manchester United clearout… United will listen to offers for their £25million flop after just a year at the club. Other stars that can go include Morgan Schneiderlin just a season after he arrived from Southampton.

Do we learn anything from MEN’s ‘Five Things’ other than the paper hasn’t got the foggiest?

 

Posted: 27th, March 2016 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports | Comment


Transfer balls: Spurs lose Pochettino to Manchester United in cut-price deal

Transfer balls: Tottenham manager Mauricio Pochettino, 44, has a £10m buyout clause in his contract, says the Sun.

SunSport can reveal any clubs looking to poach the Argentine will have to stump up the massive eight-figure sum to have any chance.

Can this be the  same SunSport which in February pitted Pochettino in a head-to-head with Jose Mourinho for the Manchester United job, telling its readers:

[Spurs] Chairman Daniel Levy is a notoriously tough and difficult negotiator who is willing to stand firm on keeping the club’s best talent… Levy will resist United’s interest but is expected to demand £20m compensation if Pochettino leaves for United. However, a tribunal is more likely to set the figure at around £6m-£8m.

Such are the facts.

Posted: 23rd, March 2016 | In: Back pages, Sports, Spurs | Comment


Manchester United and Liverpool deliver the most ridiculous excuses for losing a football match

When Manchester United lost 2-0 to Fulham on 21st March 2009, manager Alex Ferguson had a simple explanation for his team’s shortcomings: The dressing rooms at Craven Cottage had been too small.

After the defeat, Ferguson rallied against the “ridiculous” facilities at Fulham before calling on the Premier League to introduce a minimum size standard for all teams in the top tier to avoid any such travesty befalling any of his contemporaries.

With all the money in the Premier League, some grounds should be better. There should be a minimum standard of size of dressing room, especially now you have more players on your bench and an increased staff.

Everton’s are so narrow it is unbelievable. Portsmouth’s away dressing room is not great and the one at Fulham is smaller than my office.

Craven Cottage is a very traditional stadium and one of my favourite away grounds, but when you have 18 players stripping down, plus coaches, physios and kit men, it is ridiculous really.

Hear hear. Down with this type of thing.

To that end, here are five other fatuous fillets of flim-flam that have been used to explain away footballing failure.

When Newcastle drew at Stevenage in the FA Cup in 1998, Reds’ manager Kenny Dalglish was in no doubt why his team had failed to topple their lower-league opponents. The balls were too bouncy.

After the match, Dalglish complained that the swirling winds and unruly balls suited Stevenage more than Newcastle, which led to opposing chants of “Your balls don’t bounce enough” being sung in his direction all through the replay.

When Ukraine lost 4-0 against Spain in their first game of the 2006 World Cup, defender Vladislav Vashchuk had his excuses at the ready. Noisy frogs had kept the team awake the night before. He lamented: ‘Because of the frogs’ croaking we hardly got a wink of sleep”.

Alex Ferguson was again at his inventive best when called upon to explain his side’s infamous defeat to Southampton at The Dell in April of 1996.

Already 3-0 down at half-time, Fergie decided that his players were struggling to pick each other out in United’s dreary new grey away kit. He ordered them to change into their blue and white third strip for the second half.

Sure enough, United came roaring back to lose 3-1 by the end of the game.

Liverpool’s Bill Shankly went one better when his side lost in the 1971 FA Cup Final to Arsenal. His side’s new shirts were, and we quote, “too heavy”. Poor lambs.

Gerry Francis’s largely featureless reign in charge at Tottenham doesn’t regularly feature in all-time top tens compiled by the club’s fans, but his excuse for one particular defeat does live in the memory. He blamed the loss on the grass. It was the “wrong type” you see.

Via Pies.

 

Posted: 21st, March 2016 | In: Sports | Comment


Transfer balls: Manchester United get Higuain and Mourinho in ‘secret’ deal

Transfer balls: did you know that Gonzalo Higuain has agreed to join Manchester United? It’s true. We read it in the Metro. Mark Brus declares:

Transfer news: Gonzalo Higuain agrees Manchester United move

Why would the Argentine striker agree to join Manchester United in March? In was only four weeks ago that his agent told Sky Italia, “there’s no chance of playing elsewhere.” The agent then stated the importance of Higuain playing in the Europe’s top competition: “The Champions League is an important competition, but first we [Napoli] have to finish as champions or second in the League.”

Manchester United are sixth in the Premier League.

 

Higuain Manchester United

 

Brus has more:

The in-form Argentine has held secret talks with Jose Mourinho, who is widely tipped to be replacing Louis van Gaal next season… Higuain wants the move and has already agreed terms on a £7.9million-a-year contract.

Higuain has agreed to join Manchester United because he’s spoken in secret with the out-of-work Mourinho. Did Brus stumble into a hotel meeting room as the two men met in secret?

Lest we think it utter balls, The Metro produces a second story of support the scoop:

Gonzalo Higuain agrees £7.8m-a-year deal to join Manchester United after agent meets with Jose Mourinho

And lest we still don’t see this for the utter balls it is, you might recall that Higuain plays for Arsenal:

 

higuain-arsenal

 

Such are the facts.

Posted: 20th, March 2016 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports | Comment


Manchester United escape fine for Liverpool Hillsborough chant

Liverpool fans taunt the Manchester United fans

 

Manchester United will not be punished for its fans revolting chants about the Hillsborough and Heysel disasters when the club faced Liverpool in the Europa League. A Uefa spokesperson says United have no case to answer because the chanting was not mentioned in the match officials’ reports.

Are some football chants just too offensive? But what’s the point of an insult if it doesn’t cause offence?

The problem begins when you rule on what is and what is not permitted to be said. Better if it is left to United fans to tell the idiots in their number shouting “murderers” at Liverpool fans to shut up.

This United chant heard on the night is much better anyhow**:

Going on up to the spirit in the sky

It’s where I’m gonna go when I die

When I die and they lay me to rest

I’m gonna go on the p*** with Georgie Best

** We in no way condone alcoholism and the terrible toll it takes on the…blah… blah….blah

Posted: 14th, March 2016 | In: Back pages, Liverpool, manchester united, Sports | Comment


Manchester United: Van Gaal’s a product of the Glazers greed

man uOliver Kay writes in the Times about Manchester united’s steady decline. Growing up in a family of avid Leeds United fans, I know how this one goes. That “Mighty Leeds 1974 – Now for Europe” sticker slapped on the rear window of the family car aged badly.

Kay:

United still have box-office appeal, which is why tomorrow’s meeting with West Ham is their 51st consecutive live-televised tie in the FA Cup. They always draw the biggest TV audiences, but increasingly, as on Thursday night, the casual viewer will be left wondering what on earth has happened to Manchester United. No, it was not quite thrill-a-minute in the Ferguson era, but there was always the expectation of excellence in some facet of the game, whether it was midfield defiance, swashbuckling wing play or even, in later years, tactical discipline.

TV companies love United, just as they once adored Liverpool. But surely the armchair fans’ appetite for United is rooted in Alex Ferguson’s exciting teams. Whisper this: when United scored on that magic night in Barcelona, I was with a gaggle of Arsenal and Leeds fans (the family) tuned in. Cameras turned to the crowing German fans. We all felt it. Moments later we were on our feet. You don’t really want Leicester City to win the league – we just don’t mind it; but that night it was glory glory Man United.

Kay adds:

More than one agent has suggested, having spoken to United about potential signings, that the club’s plan is to stick with Van Gaal in the unlikely event that they secure a top-four finish in the Barclays Premier League. That would be astonishing. Surely, after two seasons there is enough evidence to make a sensible, balanced appraisal without it coming down to “fourth place good, fifth place bad”.

José Mourinho lurks in the background, desperate to succeed the man who was his mentor at Barcelona in the late 1990s. The media briefings from his camp reflected a confidence in January, when the board’s angst over Van Gaal was at its height, but in recent weeks there has been a change in tone. Unease has crept in, as if Mourinho and Jorge Mendes, his agent, are concerned that they might be being strung along while United contemplate other candidates, such as Ryan Giggs, the assistant manager, and Mauricio Pochettino, of Tottenham Hotspur, or even the possibility of sticking with Van Gaal.

Is the manager the biggest issue at United, the club owned by Americans who care nothing for the club’s history other than using the ‘brand’ to flog anything? Corporations don’t go in for thrilling. They go for branding. So the suits get Van Gaal. They get Mourinho. But neither they nor the money men really get United.

 

Posted: 12th, March 2016 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment


Manchester United: Liverpool’s penalty was only ‘controversial’ in the Sun

Liverpool defeat Manchester Untied 2-0 in the Europa League and the tabloids get to work. Liverpool’s first goal was scored from the penalty spot. The Sun leads with this “controversial penalty”, the “second for Liverpool in four days”.

The paper reminds readers that on Saturday Christian Benteke had gone to ground easily at Crystal Palace, his tumblr helping to secure the penalty he then scored to win the game. No other paper harks back to that match.

The Mirror, which unlike the Sun is read on Merseyside, says United’s Memphis Depay “brushed” over Nathaniel Clyde just inside the box.

In the Mail, Depay “placed a restraining hand on his [Clyde’s] shoulder and tangled legs. Either would have been sufficient to justify  the penalty award…”

The Express says “Depay sent Clyde crashing to the turf”.

Manchester United manager Louis Vn Gaal agrees with the Sun: “It was a cheap penalty…the referee cannot see that because…he held him outside the  box and then he is falling down.”

The Times, the Sun’s stablemate, says “any offence bean outside the area”.

As for the local press to the bother clubs:

Liverpool Echo: “Sturridge stepped up to convert a penalty in the 20th minute after Nathaniel Clyne had dashed into the box to collect a Roberto Firmino pass and been tripped by Memphis Depay. It was close but looked just inside.”

Paul Scholes in the Manchester Evening News: ““Anywhere else on the park this isn’t given as a free-kick.”

Such are the facts.

 

Posted: 11th, March 2016 | In: Back pages, Liverpool, manchester united, Sports | Comment


Manchester United balls: Van Gaal stays next season as Mourinho joins his coaching team

Manchester United fans hoping to see the back of Louis Van Gaal are in for a shock. The Mirror says his job at Old Trafford is “safe – even is he fails to crack top 4”.

 

gaal

 

Can this be the same Daily Mirror which reported that Jose Mourinho had agreed to take over at United next year?

 

mourinho van gaal united

 

Maybe Mourinho will be Van Gaal’s assistant?

 

 

Posted: 9th, March 2016 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports | Comment


Manchester United balls: Mourinho replaces Van Gaal as get the job

Compare and contrast the Mirror’s Manchester United scoops.

First up the Mirror’s scoop that Jose Mourinho has agreed a three-year deal to manage Manchester United.

 

mourinho van gaal united

 

Second up, the Mirror’s scoop that Jose Mourinho is reigned to not managing Manchester United:

 

Mourinho United

 

 

Such are the facts…

Posted: 6th, March 2016 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports | Comment


Manchester United balls: Marcus Rashford’s England call up

rashford englandHow football reporting works: Manchester United’s Marcus Rashford, 18, has scored a few goals this season. A journalist asks England manager Roy Hodgson if Rashford could play for England?

“I would neither rule him in or rule him out,” replies Hodgson. “I have been watching Rashford for two years, so I have known about him for a long time. He is in our system… Most of all, I hope he is allowed to develop as an 18-year-old should and people don’t try to put him under enormous pressure.”

Which when hooked up to the journalisomobile becomes:

 

Roy Hodgson last night opened the door on Marcus Rashford getting a Euro 2016 call-up. (Mirror)

Manchester United sensation Marcus Rashford in line for England Euro call-up according to Roy Hodgson (Mirror)

Marcus Rashford given shock England boost by manager Roy Hodgson ahead of Euro 2016 (Express)

No pressure…

 

Posted: 5th, March 2016 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports | Comment


Manchester United: Marcus Rashford’s money madness

How much does Manchester United’s 18-year-old striker Marcus Rashford earn every week? No need to guess because the newspapers are all over it:

The Sun: £500

 

Marcus Rashford

 

 

The Star: £1000

 

Marcus Rashford

 

 

The Mirror: £1500

Marcus Rashford

 

Such are the facts.

 

Posted: 1st, March 2016 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports | Comment


Manchester United balls: Van Gaal embroiled in scandal as Mourinho goes fishing

Manchester United manager Louis van Gaal is tired of hearing that irritating-but-talented Jose Mourinho is to replace him at Old Trafford. Speaking to Dutch television channel RTL7 in the wake of United’s 5-1 Europa League win over Midtjylland on Thursday evening, Van Gaal was asked about the pressure both he and his players are enduring at the moment. His answer was fullsome:

He (Mourinho) has said things a number of times with a lot of words. But he does not have to tell me anything. I find the whole thing ridiculous!

No, I don’t want United to do something either. I don’t even want them to react to things which I read in the media or which are being created.

We, the club and I, are not going to help the media right now by denying things.

I think what is happening is an absolute scandal!

The Mirror thinks the story worthy of its lead page.

 

scandal

 

 

The paper notes:

The Mourinho connection riles him. The duo are old friends yet Van Gaal refuses to telephone the former Chelsea boss to nail the rumour that he’s angling for the Old Trafford job.

Angling? But the Mirror said it was already his!
mourinho van gaal united

 

Such are the facts.

 

Posted: 27th, February 2016 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports | Comment


Transfer balls: Mourinho’s three-year Manchester United contract vanishes

daily express manchester united mourinho

Misleading headline of the day appears in the Daily Express – ‘The World’s Greatest Newspaper”. It declares: “Jose Mourinho agrees three-year deal to become Manchester United manager.”

Does Louis Van Gaal, the current Man United manager, know?

It soon becomes clear that the story is utter balls.

Portuguese newspaper Diario de Noticias claim the 53-year-old has now agreed a three-year deal worth £15.75million to become the next United boss.

The Express offers no link to the source of its scoop. But we take a look over there. Diario’s latest news on Mourinho tells us:

Técnico português diz que “ninguém sabe” se irá para o Manchester United na próxima época

O treinador português José Mourinho disse hoje que está “satisfeito” por estar sem trabalhar, observando que a possibilidade de assumir o comando técnico da equipa de futebol do Manchester United “é a pergunta de um milhão de dólares”.

“Todos os dias surgem notícias diferentes, mas a verdade é que neste momento não tenho trabalho e estou satisfeito por não ter”, disse Mourinho, que foi despedido do Chelsea, perante uma plateia de alunos de uma escola secundária em Singapura.

Questionado por um jovem adepto do Manchester United sobre a possibilidade de treinar os ‘red devils’, o treinador português, de 53 anos, foi enigmático: “Essa é a pergunta de um milhão de dólares, que ninguém conhece a resposta e eu sou o primeiro a não a conhecer.”

Google translate:

Portuguese coach says that “no one knows” it will go to Manchester United next season

The Portuguese coach Jose Mourinho said today he was “pleased” to be out of work, noting that the ability to take the coach of the football team Manchester United “is the question a million dollars.”

“Every day there are different news, but the truth is that at this point do not work and I am glad not to have,” said Mourinho, who was fired from Chelsea, before an audience of students from a secondary school in Singapore.

Asked by a young fan of Manchester United about the possibility of training the ‘red devils’, the Portuguese coach, 53, it was enigmatic: “That’s the question a million dollars, that no one knows the answer and I am the first not to know. “

Such are the facts.

Posted: 26th, February 2016 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports | Comment (1)


Transfer balls: Manchester United get money back on Rooney to China rumours

Transfer balls: Shanghai Shenhua have offered to pay Manchester United – get this – £27m for Wayne Rooney. They have also offered the England captain £500,000-a-week in wages for three years to join the China Super League.

The Mirror leads with this news. The paper says the cash would be a remarkable sum for the striker, enabling United to “recoup the fee they paid Everton” for the player.

So will Rooney go to China? We’ve no idea – and neither does the Mirror. Below the paper’s headline – “£100m Roo Bid” – is news that, er, no bid has been made. The Daily Express, however, never got past the headline, and it screams: “Chinese Super League makes stunning £100m bid for Man United captain Wayne Rooney.”

The facts become more confused when the Sun adds, “The Manchester United and England skipper still has over three years left on his contract at Old Trafford.” Not so says the Mirror, which reports, “With two years left on his current deal…the Chinese want to make Rooney the face of their Super League.”

The Mirror tells us “Rooney is the player” the Chinese “covet most”. Really? More than Ronaldo and Messi. Is that true – or is it just what the China Super League PR department toil them?

Such are the facts.

Posted: 19th, February 2016 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports | Comment


Transfer balls: Manchester United, Pep and The Metro’s Lewandowski mystery

Transfer balls spots this utter bilge from the Metro: “Verbal agreement clears Man United to sign these two major world stars.” Another teaser names names:

Man Utd transfer news: Thomas Muller and Robert Lewandowski boost due to Pep Guardiola agreement

 

Transfer balls

 

Muller to United! Haven’t we been there before? Didn’t Muller sign a new deal to stay at his beloved Bayern Munich last summer? Why would Lewandowski join a team in the Europa League? The Metro’s Mark Brus writes:

Manchester United could be majorly boosted in their efforts to sign Thomas Muller and Robert Lewandowski in the summer.

“Could be majorly boosted”… Is that English?

The Bayern Munich attacking midfielder and striker are reportedly among the Red Devils’ main targets for next season, but they face competition from rivals Manchester City.

And Bayern, the club he plays for and loves.

However, the Daily Star says Pep Guardiola has a verbal agreement with Bayern that forbids him from raiding the Bavarian giants when he leaves the Allianz Arena for the Etihad Stadium in the summer.

So…

The news gives United a clear run at the players, if they can find the money to do business.

What spectacular balls.

Posted: 18th, February 2016 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports | Comment


Manchester Untied balls: Rooney out, Van Gaal’s hell, England’s dream

brave rooneyManchester United’s captain is injured. Wayne Rooney, for it is he, has knee ligament damage. The Sun nails the pun with “PAIN ROO KNEE”. The paper says Rooney will miss “a minimum” of eight Manchester United matches and England games against Germany and Holland.

United manager Louis Van Gaal says Rooney could have come off the field when he felt a twinge in their defeat to Sunderland, but opted to play through the pain. This gives the Mirror its headline: “Too brave for his own good.” Only an England captain could be praised for being injured.

Inside the Mirror, Rooney;s injury is Van Gaal’s “ultimate nightmare”. If it is, the hammer-headed Dutchman must sleep like a baby. In any case, he has five “likely lads” to replace Rooney: Donald Love, Regan Poole, Joe Riley, James Weir and Will Keane are all profiled. Problem is that only Keane is a striker.

The Express says Lingard and Martial will “get the chance to shine” in Rooney’s absence. The paper adds that Van Gaal could recall James Wilson from his loan spell at Brighton.

In the Mail, Ian Ladyman says Rooney’s injury is a mixed blessing for England, who can have him “fit and rested” for Euro 2016. Or, to put it another way, England will have their captain out of shape and not match sharp for Euro 2016.

Time, then, to bring on Harry Kane and Jamie Vardy.

Posted: 18th, February 2016 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports | Comment


Manchester United: Depay wears lover’s face on his jacket

Manchester United winger Memphis Depay celebrated his love for Lori Harvey by airbrushing an image of her face the back of a bespoke bomber jacket.

Not creepy. Not creepy at all:

 

depay jacket face love

Posted: 15th, February 2016 | In: manchester united, Sports | Comment


Manchester United balls: Van Gall on monthly rolling contract as Jose joins for ‘free’

the sun jose

 

Manchester United are to sign Jose Mourinho before February is out. So says the Sun. But hold on a moment. Reading on the Sun says United “could” sign Jose. They could also win the Premier League, play Wayne Rooney in goal and pack it up, deciding that football is a mug’s game. It’s all a question of likelihood.

The Sun’s Neil Curtis says United’s board “believe” they have nothing to lose in sacking Louis Van Gaal and getting Jose in sooner rather than later. Curtis says Mourinho could be in place by the time United play Arsenal on February 28.

The other reason why Van Gaal is out and Jose is in is – get this – because the Dutchman has just rented a new property in Bowden, and he’s paying on a rolling monthly contract. Van Gaal only needs to give a month’s notice should he need to leave pronto.

“Wonder if he’ll bother to unpack?” asks the Sun.

Over in the Star, Jeremy Cross says with Jose Mourinho “available for free” United must move for him. Free?  A few days ago, the Press were full of news that Jose had agreed to join United for a mere £15m a year for three years.

 

daily mirror jose gets united

 

Such are the facts…

 

 

Posted: 15th, February 2016 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports | Comment


Transfer balls: Manchester United and Arsenal in Aubameyang clickbait drama

Transfer balls:  The Mail says Manchester United are to spend £70m summer on Borussia Dortmund striker Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang. After that United will move to recruit Robert Lewandowski, Neymar and Gareth Bale.

All this on the same day Louis Van Gaal says United’s best chance of competing in next season’ Champions’ League is through winning the Europa League.

Apparently United’s executive vice-chairman Ed Woodward says club has “cash reserves of £121.6m and indicated there will be ‘star signings’ in the summer.” That’s the same Woodward who sanctioned the £250m United spent on the last set of new boys. you get the feeling that £3m-a=year Woodward is not part of the solution to United’s fall from the perch.

In other news, the Metro says: “Arsenal ready to seal transfer of Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang.” That dire paper’s source is the equally dire Daily Telegraph, which reports “Arsenal are already plotting how to strengthen their squad with Borussia Dortmund striker Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang one of their principle targets.”

Number of quotes and sources to support that claim: nil.

 

Posted: 14th, February 2016 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, manchester united, Sports | Comment


Manchester United lose a match that Sunderland didn’t win

Van Gaal sacked

 

All newspapers agree that Sunderland never beat Manchester United yesterday.

Sunderland never did fashion two goals to United’s one in a Premier League win that gives them hope of avoiding relegation. The papers all agree that Sunderland only won a home match because United were not good enough to avoid defeat.

United were “Roo-bish”. Sunderland were invisible.

Posted: 14th, February 2016 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports | Comment


Mourinho earns more at Manchester United than Pep does at Manchester City, or is it less?

daily mirror jose gets united

 

How much does Jose Mourinho earn as manager of Manchester United? The former Chelsea boss has not signed for United, but the Press is full of news that the deal is done.

The Mirror says it’s £15m a year for three years. The Express agrees. The Mirror’s Darren Lewis has details:

Jose Mourinho is set to land a three-year, £15million-a-year deal to replace Louis van Gaal at Manchester United. The package awaiting the former Chelsea boss will put him on a par with Pep Guardiola

Pep must be gutted. But the Sun has news to stop him from asking City for a raise:

JOSE MOURINHO will pocket £15million-a-season if he joins Manchester United in the summer — £6m LESS than rival’s City are giving Pep Guardiola

Such are the facts…

Posted: 12th, February 2016 | In: Back pages, Manchester City, manchester united, Sports | Comment


Manchester United balls: Van Gaal stays, Mourinho works for free, thank god for Leicester City

the sun man unitedNo sooner have we read the details of Jose Mourinho’s contract to manage Manchester Untied  – £15m a year for three years (Mirror); £300m on players (Star) – than the Sun, which has been hyping the story of Jose to United for days and days, announces: “Louis Van Gal believes he’ll keep job if United make Champions League.”

For reasons only it knows, the Sun dresses LVG as Star Wars character Obi-Wan Kenobi, and declares: “May The 4th Be With You.”

The Mail says Van Gaal enjoys the support of United’s £3m -a-year chief executive Ed Woodward – he’s the man who rubber-stamped the Dutchman’s £250m on new players. But the Sun says in a conference call with United’s major investors Woodward “failed  to mention LVG”. It’s not hard to imagine United’s major investors not having the foggiest idea who manages the club, nor caring. It’s all about money. The Star says United are expected to “smash though the £500m turnover barrier in 2016”.

Over in the Mirror, which only yesterday announced that Van Gaal is to leave United in the summer, we hear more from the investors. They asked: “Why Can’t United be more like Leicester?” The cynic would reply: ‘Because big football clubs are vanity projects for the super-rich, or, as in United’s case, a way of raising tens of millions for their owners’ other projects and real passions.” The other answer is that Leicester’s highest ever league finishing position was when they came runners-up in 1928–29 – who wants to be like them?

David McDonell tells Mirror readers: “Leicester have demolished the belief that the only way to become champions was by flexing financial muscles in the transfer market.” They haven’t. Leicester have won nothing yet. the Mirror’s the paper that yesterday reported: “What could Jose Mourinho’s Manchester United team look like.” No unheralded players from Fleetwood town, whence Jamie Vardy joined Leicester for £400,000, in this dream team. The Mirror’s says Mourinho’s United must buy: Cristiano Ronaldo, John Stones and Atletico Madrid sporting director Andrea Berta.

Star Wars, indeed.

Although, once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, United paid £1 million for 23-year-old Cambridge United striker Dion Dublin. He was United’s only major signing of the 1992 summer. (They bought Eric Cantona later.) Next season they won the title for the first time in 26 years. Dublin made only four appearances for United. But the players who featured most heavily in that league campaign – Peter Schmeichel (42), Brian McClair (41), and Ryan Giggs (40), cost United £505,000 from Brondby, nothing, and £850,000 from Celtic, respectively.

Leicester have demolished nothing – it’s the Premier League and lazy media that have turned it into a bubble.

Posted: 12th, February 2016 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports | Comment


Transfer Balls: Manchester United hire Mourinho to get Bale, Neymar, Muller, Pogba and sell Mata

daily mirror jose gets united

 

Jose Mourinho’s PR department is working overtime to convince everyone and anyone that he is the next Manchester United manager. Why Manchester United would want a divisive, man rejected twice by Chelsea is not something that bothers the Star which spots Jose’s £300m “WAR CHEST”.

Is that all the money Mourinho’s earned in redundancy fees from Roman Abramovich? No. It’s the cash United will give him to buy lots of players. That’s how good Jose is – just give him £300m to spend on new players and he will make Manchester United competitive. Sure, Claudio Raniei will do it for around £20m, but he’s not got chronic small-man syndrome and an urgent desire to be the star. So Jose gets the cash to buy – get this – Neymar, Cavani, Thomas Muller, Paul Pogba and Raphael Varane.

Yeah, really. And so long as they’re happy to work in Jose’s shadow, they’ll be on the fist plane to Manchester.

The Express says Jose will sign a three-year deal worth £15m a year and buy – deep breath – Neymar, Gareth Bale, Ross Barkely, Jamie Rodgriguez, and Aymeric Laporte.

The Mail says Jose’s first act will be to “purge” United of Juan Mata and Marouane Felliani.

No word on what he’ll do to the United medical staff.

But Jamie Jackson doe tell Guardian readers that, er,  Mourinho “may look outside the Premier League for his next job having not yet been contacted by United”.

Such are the facts.

Posted: 11th, February 2016 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports | Comment