Posts Tagged ‘Marcus Akin’
Big Brother’s Siavash Tells Noirin To Go
BIG Brother is not as terrible as it was a couple of weeks ago. Why is hard to say. It might be the rain, or fumes from Lady Anorak IV’s imported Latvian hairspray.
This week, one of ‘I’m’ Noirin and Marcus Saxondale will be leaving the house.
Marcus loves Noirin. He loves Noirin for the same reason that Siavash loves Noirin, and Sree loved Noirin: she is pretty enough but not too pretty.
She appears accessible. She make ordinary men believe they have chance. She is also so needy that Esther Rantzen has opened a 0800 number for her and Terry Wogan is keen to do a telethon.
Recently, Noirin has taken to smooching Siavash Sabbaghpour. Now Sabbpuss, poor Sabbpuss, dear Sabbpuss, old fat furry cat-puss has been dumped because Noirin’s former boyfriend, US musician Isaac Stout, has been parachuted into her embrace.
Sabbpuss, wake up, and look at this thing that I bring. Look:
Noirin: “Can I say I never wanted this to happen? Can I say that I think you’re a really cool guy.”
You can say whatever you like, Noirin, because Sabbpuss is refreshingly bitter.
Siavash: “What has happened has happened. No grudges. This is three times now Noirin. Three times you’ve f***** me over. Good luck. There’s not much to be said.”
No grudges. Just bitterness.
Wake up, Sabbpuss. Be bright, be golden and light… So can they be, you know, friends?
Noirin: “What would you do if you were in my position?”
Siavash: “I would leave.”
Noirin: “Everyone knows here who was the one chasing me, so don’t f****** act like I’m the one. You’re making out that I should leave because everyone hates me.”
Siavash: “Noirin, what people think of you has got nothing to do with me.”
And so it goes. But who goes? Noirin is 2-9 on to leave. She will go. Big
Brother voters are spiteful to a man and will want to end Noirin’s stay in the limelight.
This leave Marcus with his lamb chops to form an anti-Noirin pact with Sabbpuss, the pair of them sat in a dark corner of a dusty shop waiting for a real life flesh and blood girl to make them come alive.
It promises to be a long wait…
Posted: 30th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Big Brother Bullying Makes Us Cry
CONGRATULATIONS to all of you who chose Week 3 in the Big Brother Bullying Sweepstake.
The Sun brings news that Sree is a victim of housemates’ bullying.
Sree is the one draped over Noirin like a wet flannel. Noirin, who like Sree, Rodrigo, Angel and Cairon has been imported to make up for an alarming shortfall in British wannabes (we are all celebs now, darling), may be the first person to suffocate a housemate live on British telly.
As for the bullying…
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Posted: 17th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Big Brother Freddie Fisher’s Porn Shockzzzzzzz
ONLY two newspapers lead with Big Brother: The Sun (pictures in the left-hand column of a few of the sluttier-looking housemates) and the Star, which ignores news of the House of Commons and calls for Gordon Brown to be booted out of Number 10 with an entire publication given over to “BIG BROTHER BONKERS”.
Screams the Star:
“Every one a sex-starved nutter.”
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Posted: 5th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
