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Lauren Goodger and Mark Wright outshine a lobster in Dubai

Pro-celebrity hoofer and neon-hued The Only Way Is Essex survivor Mark Wright is newly married to fanciable soap actress Michelle Keegan. The couple have been on honeymoon in the fascistic enclave of Dubai. And the Daily Mirror has a question:

Did Lauren Goodger gatecrash Mark and Michelle’s honeymoon?

Goodger, who sounds like a Chas ‘n’ Dave grunt, once dated the buffed Wright. And now she is the subject of what might be the celebrity sentence of the year:

Next to a picture of a bronzed Lauren sipping a glass of champagne and sitting in front of a huge lobster dinner, she wrote: “Dubai my holidays.”

Having created an entirely new way of speaking in describing Goodger in the third third person, the Mirror then shares this photo. Do not adjust your monitor. It’s not easy to out-glow a cooked lobster in the searing Dubai heat but Goodger has cracked it:

 

Next to a picture of a bronzed Lauren sipping a glass of champagne and sitting in front of a huge lobster dinner, she wrote: "Dubai my holidays."

 

Wright saw the photo, smashed a few coconuts and decided that it’d be dignified to respond in public:

“Endless mentions RE: me and us is embarrassing. I really thought after lawyers being involved and polite pleas to stop mentioning me she… would stop. Maybe not. It’s hurtful to think one person needs to mention YOU every week to earn a living. Being married to another woman almost makes it unfair!! [sic]… If you’re reading this, please PLEASE respect my wife and STOP. Everyone has a past, get over it!! I really didn’t want to have to do this but enough is enough. I wish you well but leave me, my life and my wife out it. I’m sure there are other ways to make money [sic].”

Having left his wife out of it by mentioning her in series of tweets, Wright then published this photo of himself apparently empathising with that lobster:

 

Michelle-Keegan-Mark-Wright

 

He’s the one that got away, Lauren.

Posted: 11th, June 2015 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Mark Wright blows his glass top all over Calvin Harris

MARK Wright, star of OK! magazine’s first abortion ‘n’ tell, a trimmed post-modern vanilla Jaffa Cake, emeritus fanny magnet of The Only Way Is Essex tweets a line from a Calvin Harris track:

“I feel so close to you right now/ It’s a false field.”

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Posted: 21st, July 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


In photos – Television and Radio Industries Club awards 2012

TUESDAY. The Grosvenor House Hotel on Park Lane, London, for the Television and Radio Industries Club awards. Past presidents of these prestigious awards (it says here) are: Charlie Dimmock, Ainsley Harriott and Spandau Ballet front man Tony Hadley. This year’s president is Eamonn Holmes. For such a starry luncheon, a stella cast: Kerry Katona, Mark Wright, Sam Faiers, Joey Essex, Nicola McLean, Sam Aston, Dane Bowers, Nancy Dell’Olio, Georgia May Foote, Amy Childs, Peter Andre, Andrea McLean, Janet Street-Porter, and Sherrie Hewson. Which one will be voted Weather Presenter of the Year? And why arene’t any of them working?

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Amy Childs and Peter Andre arriving for the Television and Radio Industries Club (TRIC) Awards, at Grosvenor House Hotel on Park Lane, central London.

 

Posted: 13th, March 2012 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Mark Wright is man of the year

WELL Now! magazine have named Mark Wright their Man of the Year.

In interview, Louise Gannon seems determined to get Mark come on out and admit he’s gay.

Louise asks Mark about his “Bromance in the jungle” with Dougie Poynter. Mark replies: “If I click with someone I get close to them and I love that relationship with my mates.” Maybe I should ask the folks over at Gaydar what in the name of shameless sluttery any of this nonesense means.

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Posted: 16th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Mark Wright’s Night Of Tabloid Sex With Emily Scott (Photos)

ONE problem with McFly bassist Dougie Poynter winning I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here! is that he’s not Mark Wright, star of The Only Way Is Essex and an OK!’s abort ‘n’ tell. The Sun presses on regardless, leading with a photo of Wright – and, vitally, Wright’s stomach – and the front-page headline:

“The only way is no sex Emily”

In boom times reality telly shows were all about waiting for the sex. In austerity Britain, it’s about not having sex or even getting off with each other in a hammock.

Says Wright of Emily Scott, his co-camper:

“Emily is a lovely person and a very pretty girl but there is no romantic interest there for me and I am not interested in starting a relationship with her.”

Over on the Mirror’s front page, the headline is:

“The Truth About Me And Emily”

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Posted: 5th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)


I’m A Celebrity: Bewilderingly Untalented Mark Wright Discovers Kent

I’M A Celebrity smirker Mark Wright’s Quote Of The Year:

“It’s making me grow up and realise that life’s not all about Essex”

Next week, Mark makes a day trip to Kent..

Posted: 16th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)


Mark Wright Of The Jungle: TOWIE Man Explains Why He’s In Australia

MEAT-faced TOWIE star Mark Wright, star of the abortion ‘n’ tell, delivers his thoughts on going into the I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here jungle:

“It has been a very emotional year. I have played out my life and relationships on TV. I need a complete break. This is a great way to do it…”

What better way, indeed…

Posted: 10th, November 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Mark Wright’ And Lauren Goodger’s Abort ‘n’ Tell: Life Under A Scraped Barrel

FOLLOWING last week’s OK! news that Lauren Goodyer had aborted Mark Wright’s baby, the magazine turns to Mark Wright, who tells us in headline form:

“Tearful Mark Fights Back – Our baby was my little David Beckham”

A cash cow with a range of signature scents, location tattoos and a sweet right foot? Why, Lauren? Why did you abort little David Beckham? Was it to prevent him from marrying a little Victoria Adams? The abortn ‘n’ tell goes on to feature tearful Mark’s  face by another headline:

“Lauren’s Sick In The Head”

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Posted: 5th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment