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Posts Tagged ‘Martine McCutcheon’

Can bankrupt Martine McCutheon rely on her friends for a whip round?

MARTINE McCutcheon, aka EastEnders‘ Tiffany Mitchell and Martine Kimberley Sherri Ponting, of Esher, Surrey, has been declared bankrupt. Her “largest creditor” is Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs.

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Posted: 12th, February 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Martine McCutcheon Wrestles With Child Sex Trafficking

IF there is one thing celebrities love more than being noticed it is a cause. Today we watched the former EastEnders star turned jobbing yogurt muncher Martine McCutcheon on the steps of 10 Downing Street in London after handing in a petition for the Stop Sex Trafficking of Children and Young People Campaign.

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Posted: 12th, May 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

In Pictures: Harrods Under Al Fayed – Pussy Cat Dolls, Jennifer Love Hewitt’s Bra And Stuffed Bears

HARROD’S has been sold by Mohamed al Fayed for £1.5bn to a buyer understood to be the Qatari royal family. Will the shrine to Princess Diana and Dodi Fayed remain in the store? Will Al Fayed now also sell Fulham FC? Will he auction off his collection of vomit ‘n’ cuff shirts? Will Prince Philip use the hallowed urinals (£1 a go) once again? Fayed’s reign at Harrods seemed to be a chance for him to meet famous women and hand them something furry to stroke. On our photo collection, Fayed seemed to have more than passing liking for Jennifer Love Hewitt (11-13), the Pussy Cat Dolls, who all got pet a pussy to pet, Lily Allen (5) and all the girls he’s met before…

You find joy in the simplest pleasures.


Picture 1 of 61

The Pussycat Dolls (from left: Melody, Carmit, Ashley, Nicole, Kimberley and Jessica) share a joke with store owner Mohammed Al Fayed as they open the Harrods Summer Sale, Harrods, west London.

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Posted: 8th, May 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1)

Old Mr Anorak’s Book Club: Ralph Nader’s Only The Rich Can Save Us

naderRALPH Nader’s has written a book. It’s called Only The Rich Can Save Us. It’s the book what he wrote. Paco notes:

Experiencing a colossal brain fart that no doubt left him with cerebral diverticulitis, Ralph Nader has written a 700-page “novel”, which is likely to trigger a flurry of orders from Borders and Barnes & Noble for steel-reinforced remainder tables.

Masochist Rob Long has read the book so that we don’t have to. Of course, if you think you’d enjoy watching Nader’s geeky, school-boy wet dream of socialist billionaire-worship unfold on the printed page, then this epic is just what you’ve been waiting for. Order now from – while supplies last!

Mr Rob Long, everyone:

Here’s the bad news: Ralph Nader has written a novel. Here’s the good news: There’s no sex in it. Wait. That’s not strictly true. At the end of its 700 pages, one of the characters hooks up with Yoko Ono.

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Posted: 2nd, October 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment

Martine McCutcheon’s The Mistress Shames Parodists

martineFORMER EastEnders actress Martine McCutcheon’s debut novel The Mistress is a work of parody that should make the nation’s satirists hang their heads in envy and snap their pencils in two.

For reasons based in pride and a desire to showcase McCutcheon’s enviable talents, the publishers, Pan Macmillan, have published the book’s first chapter on the web:

Mandy loved her home in the basement of a grand stucco property in Queensgate, South Kensington. As she walked into the entrance she checked herself out in the mirror. She felt good, more confident than she had expected to at this turning point in her life. She reached for her lip brush and added one final coat of luscious gloss. She cleaned any remaining stains off her teeth with her tongue and smiled at herself in the mirror. Her hair was dark as ebony and it fell in shiny waves over her shoulders; her skin was flawless, even and gleaming, her long dark lashes framing her beautiful big brown eyes perfectly. Her lower lip was fuller than the top and when she smiled she lit up the room. She grabbed her keys and her clutch bag and quickly squirted some perfume.

And not just any perfume. Martine’s heroine – can you guess who she’s modelled on? – is less a work of fiction than women in search of a brand:

She grabbed her slightly sodden copy of Grazia again and headed out of her heavy black door, pulling it shut by its knocker.


‘Ready, darlin’?’ said the cabby with a twinkle in his eye – he clearly found Mandy attractive.

The cabbie:

He was a sweet, cheeky chappie in his thirties with cute dimples – a typical black-cab driver in his Ralph Lauren jumper with polo-shirt collar poking up from underneath.

Not ‘alf bad, Mandy. But not as attractive as attractive Mandy finds attractive London, attractively:

God, she loved London. Even in the rain, she found it romantic. As they drove past the Natural History Museum, Harrods and one of her favourite hotels, the Lanesborough at Hyde Park Corner, the old streetlights glowed a deep orange and fairy lights twinkled in the trees, building up the momentum for Christmas… London was such a fast place, full of different nationalities, different religions. On a bad day it could feel suffocating, but generally it felt to Mandy like the most exhilarating city in the world, with the speed of New York but the history of a Paris or a Rome. If you went for it, truly went for it, you could get the life you wanted here, and that was Mandy’s aim – to have it all. And why not? She’d read a greeting on a card once in Paperchase on the King’s Road that had truly stuck with her:

Reach for the moon, and even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.

She loved it and used it as a mental pick-me-up whenever she felt low.

And that’s just the opening to the first chapter. If anyone would like us to get a copy of the book and appraise in full – chapter by chapter – do let us know.
Martine McCutcheon’s Diary Of A Mandy is available for your enjoyment…

Spotter: Marina Hyde

Posted: 30th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (15)