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Posts Tagged ‘men’

Manchester United balls: Pogba and Sanchez out

The Manchester Evening News is in Team Mourinho in the draining, negative Manchester manager’s row with, well, most of this side, not least of all star turns Alexis Sanchez and Paul Pogba. The paper tells readers “more damage would be done if Zinedine Zidane is appointed”. You might wonder why the Frenchman’s name is being linked with a job at United at all.

The Sun says Zidane has heard the rumours and called Mourinho to say he’s not after his job. This has led Mourinho to deduce that United are doing the courting. Are Manchester United’s kingmakers that sly? In July, Mourinho’s predecessor, Louis Van Gaal, spoke about his time at United. Words are through Google Translate from the original Dutch:

“I find the way in which Manchester has dealt with me horrible. And false…

“All those old footballers from Manchester suddenly came to tell me that I played boring football. So that was remarkable; that was directed. After a while I started thinking: how can I still be the authority for the players?”

He then talked about getting the sack and with a big cash settlement from United. Van Gaal was so bitter about his treatment at United, he turned down the Belgium job because taking it would have meant United could stop paying him:

“But the first year I could not go into anything because of the conditions that Manchester imposed on my lump sum. That is why I have run Belgium for example. While I thought that was a great challenge… I was so vindictive that I let it go. Actually stupid, because the sporting consideration is the most important. But that’s how I stood back then… It was more about revenge for me: that they had to pay for everything.”

How much blame can be apportioned to United’s board in making such a mess of things? David Moyes lasted just 10 months, Van Gaal was sacked for coaching dull football only to be replaced with the stultifying Mourinho? Not much blame at all, according to the MEN, which explains:

There is no panacea for Woodward [United chairman Ed Woodward]. Zinedine Zidane inherited such a superb squad at Real Madrid in 2015 that the XI in his third and last Champions League final in May comprised completely of players he inherited. United have one world-class player and the post-Ferguson task has broken two managers of different repute already, with a third likely.

Which world-class player is that? David de Gea? Paul Pogba? Alexis Sanchez? “We have world-class players in every position and I think that’s very important to have, ” said Victor Lindelof in March, the United defender Mourinho recruited. As for Zidane inheriting a team of Champions’ League winners, doesn’t he take credit for taking player who weren’t his choice and making them serial champions?

Posted: 2nd, October 2018 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports | Comment


Transfer balls: Manchester United, Gareth Bale and Ronaldo in clickbait horror

As Cristiano Ronaldo unpacks his wash bag in Turin, the Manchester Evening News works out how it can continue to milk the tired and desperate story of the Portuguese one day playing for Manchester United. After years of headlines and utter tosh about Ronaldo (born: Madeira Portugal) coming ‘home’, the paper cooks up the headline: “Cristiano Ronaldo transfer to be answered by Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho.”

 

man united bale

 

The English is mangled but the headline the robots read is what the MEN is really interested in. The URL for the paper’s clickbait nonsense is:  “https://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/sport/football/transfer-news/cristiano-ronaldo-manchester-united-juventus-14911995.” No word of what Jose Mourinho’s “answer”, just the words “Transfer”, “Cristiano Ronaldo” and “Manchester United” in the same link. Whamo!

The teaser adds: “Man Utd manager Jose Mourinho is set to meet the press for the first time this summer, with Cristiano Ronaldo high on the agenda.” A player who does not play for Manchester United is at the top of topics up for discussion?James Robson says “his first press conference since a rather irritated affair following the FA Cup final defeat to Chelsea promises to be a fascinating one”.

And Ronaldo? Well, Robson tells us that “it’s understood United never seriously threw their hat into the ring when it became clear the five-time Ballon d’Or winner was ready to leave Real Madrid”. United didn’t want Ronaldo. Ronaldo didn’t want United. But Robson says “United have watched on [?] as Neymar and Ronaldo have proved eminently gettable.” The tin lid on this dire story is carried by “the belief” that United has “prioritised” the signing on Gareth Bale.

What chance have United of signing Bale?

“Bale’s own wishes could be the determining factor. His post-Champions League final ‘come and get me’ plea felt like a game-changer – and have certainly been enough to make United spring into action.”

A plea? Nothing of it. The Guardian reports:

Gareth Bale is set to be handed the challenge of replacing Cristiano Ronaldo as Real Madrid’s driving force when he meets his new coach, Julen Lopetegui, for talks in the next two weeks.

Pretty much every media outfit agrees with the Guardian that Bale is set to stay at Madrid. But over at the MEN clickbait farm, the news becomes:

 

 

What is the ‘one question” Bale must have answered? We click and get:

 

bale man united

 

James Robson once more has the scoop:

Once again the Manchester United executive chairman’s pursuit of Gareth Bale comes down to a simple question of stick or twist. That is the dilemma on Bale’s mind after he held his first face-to-face with new Real Madrid coach Julen Lopetegui this week.

The “one question” for Bale is should be stay or should he go? And United “are ready to move as soon as they get the go-ahead from Bale’s representatives.” Which they won’t.

More shameless ball in the MEN every day.

Posted: 17th, July 2018 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Manchester United found and mislaid the ‘new Duncan Edwards’

When Phil Jones gave way the penalty that Eden Hzaard scored to give Chelsea 1-0 win over Manchester United in the FA Cup final, he looked both slow and clumsy. It was all so different, of course, when the hype machine hailed Jones’  £16.5m 2011 transfer from Blackburn Rovers.

 

phil jones duncan edwards

 

The Manchester Evening News hailed Jones as the “Reds’ latest teenage wonderkid”. He was ‘the new Duncan Edwards’. The paper added that he might be a reincarnation:

In an amazing coincidence, Jones was born on February 21 – the day United legend died as a result of injuries sustained in the Munich air disaster.

How good was Edwards? Former United great Wilf McGuinness told us: “To me he was like Roy Keane, Bryan Robson and Steve Gerrard rolled into one.” That’s how good Jones was.

So who said Jones was the new Edwards? No-one. The hype came from one quote. “If you talk to Bobby Charlton,” said Paddy Crerand, Bobby Charlton’s team-mate in United’s 1968 European Cup winning team, “Phil Jones reminds him of Duncan Edwards with his power and build.” And that was it.

“Phil Jones destined for Manchester United folklore,” said the BBC.

That was then…

Posted: 20th, May 2018 | In: Back pages, manchester united, Sports | Comment


Transfer balls: Ozil stays at Arsenal unless Manchester United make ‘unbelievable’ offer

At the Arsenal press conference, Arsene Wenger was asked about Alexis Sanchez and Mesut Ozil leaving the club in the January transfer window – both players are in the last year of their current contracts. On the official Arsenal website, his words are distilled into the headline: “Wenger – Ozil and Alexis will stay in January.”

Will Alexis and Mesut Ozil will be here on February 1?
AW: Yes, of course.

Will they be at the club next season?
AW: I am not the only one who can decide that. They have a part to play in that as well. If it’s my decision, yes.

Could he possible envisage them leaving in January?
AW: Unless something unbelievable happens, I can’t see why that would change.

Put that through the clickbait machine and you get:

The Metro: “Chelsea enter race to sign Mesut Ozil from Arsenal.” Not much of a race, considering he’s staying at least until the season’s end. And then this:

Arsene Wenger, meanwhile, sparked confusion over Ozil’s future this week by claiming that the midfielder will not be sold in January.

How did that trigger confusion? It was a clear statement. The utter tosh is amplified in the Manchester Evening News, which having tricked readers with a conniving Ozil to Manchester United story, now trills: “Manchester United told what it will take to sign Arsenal star Mesut Ozil.”

 

 

Did Wenger name a price? No. When pressed he said it would take something “unbelievable” for Ozil to be sold.

Such are the facts.

 

Posted: 29th, November 2017 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Chelsea, manchester united, Sports | Comment


Nightclub installs special vomiting toilet

toilet puke dish

 

A Czech nightclub has installed a high dish for vomiting puking into.

Of course, it’s in the men’s room, so it will also be used for pissing in.

Posted: 14th, September 2015 | In: Reviews, The Consumer | Comment


Sex libel: All Indian males are suspected rapists

indian rape

 

YOU can libel an entire people, milions and millions of them. Did you know that all Indian males are suspected rapists? The Institute of Biochemistry at Leipzig University in Germany will not accept an innocent male Indian student’s internship application because hs is part of India’s “rape problem”.

Annette G Beck-Sickinger, professor of biochemistry, told the student via email:

“Unfortunately I don’t accept any Indian male students for internships. We hear a lot about the rape problem in India… I have many female students in my group, so I think this attitude is something I cannot support.”

Well, if you hear about it then it is better to err on the side of sense and caution. But in the inrtests if fairness, can Annette not offer him an appeal by castration?

Update: Beck-Sickinger has now apologised for being a monumenal, self-righteous fool. Well, sort of. She apologised for the “misunderstanding”.

 

Posted: 11th, March 2015 | In: Reviews | Comment


Let’s spread Manspread and fight the war on manhood before you all pee sitting down

subway measure 1

 

Why do you MANSPREAD? Is it because you are:

a) a man?

b) a man?

c) a ma…. ok, you get the idea. Men are swine who take up too much space on public transport. Men need to sit more like women do.

The Gothamist filmed a woman with a tape measure confronting men on the subway about the space they consume.

The story is entitled:

Confronting Subway Manspreaders

The intrepid female reporter will confront man and the spreaders of their kind of virus. Stop spreading man and the causes of man.

Knowingly or not, you have seen the phenomenon of “manspreading” in nature. You’ve probably been its unwitting victim. The slow (or rapid) creep of a knee into your own by a guy (indeed, it is always a guy) taking up more than his fair share of real estate on public transit…

Left unchecked, the scourge of “manspreading” will proliferate like algae…

Men are pond life.

The MTA is planning a campaign to raise awareness about mass transit etiquette, but we still have a long way to go. The next time you get on the train, look down at your own knees—how far apart are they? If there’s space enough for a litter of puppies or a celebrity selfie group shot, you are taking up too much space. Pull it in. Don’t make us find you.

If a woman with a tape measure approaches you, spread wider. Do the splits. Go knees akimbo.

 

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Posted: 21st, December 2014 | In: Reviews | Comment


Girl asks 100 guys for sex… what do you think happens?

sex asking

THERE’S a common line of thinking that suggests that men catcall women because they’d be totally up for a request for sex from a nice lady.

Well, there’s a video of a girl asking random guys for sex in a social experiment which addresses that very thing!

You’re sat there, thinking that an attractive woman asked loads of men and they all simply shrugged, said ‘sure!’, whipped their trousers off and said ‘here? Now? I’m game!’

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Posted: 30th, July 2013 | In: Strange But True | Comments (3)


Women’s lingerie, on sale for men to wear

new-hp-hero.jpg.jpg

IS Mangerie a thing? If not, it is now as a company called HommeMystere has decided to make women’s lingerie for men. They’re offering things like thongs and padded bras, and hope to change the landscape of men’s underwear.

The Australian firm said their under garments include ‘comfortable men’s panties that really do fit, bra straps that don’t fall off the shoulder, teddies that don’t ride up halfway through the night and quality soft fabrics that feel great for all day wear’.

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Posted: 29th, April 2013 | In: Fashion | Comment


Men’s underwear sales slacken with age

MEN. Do you buy underwear? Do you think the undies in your drawers never get old. Are you married to good woman or the son of a fine parent who just replaces you revolting old guntees with fresher ones? Business Insider’s Sam Ro looks at the data:

HS Dent, an economic forecasting firm, compiled Census data on spending behavior and presented them as a series of demand curves. The curves measure average annual expenditure for a given product over the age of the consumer.

The loungewear curve includes Hugh Hefner’s housecoats. Although what’s under it may be prone to sagging.

 

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Posted: 4th, December 2012 | In: Fashion | Comment