Worst US Soccer Kits!

WITH Stevie Gerrard looking like he’s off to play football in the United States of America, most likely to live in the sunny climate of Los Angeles to play for David Beckham’s old lot at the Galaxy, it is worth remembering just how weird it’ll be, seeing Gerrard in a kit that isn’t England or Liverpool’s.

And speaking of kits, America has had some of the most dismal jerseys imaginable. With everyone being fans of retro kits these days, it is nice to imagine the Anfield legend playing in some of these abominations.

Here’s some of the most stomach turning kits in American soccer’s history.

Kansas City Wizards

The Wizards’ kit is a funny one because, even though it is clearly an absolute howler of a kit, there’s something that is borderline nice about it. Obviously, you have to have an eye for all things ’90s, but those rainbow sleeves are as pleasing as they are vomit-inducing.

Colorado Caribous

Perhaps the worst/best kit in football’s long history, the Caribous turned out in a beige number which had delightful tassles on the chest. They didn’t exactly light up the North American Soccer League. They played for one season and lost 22 of their 30 games.

USA ’94

When America was awarded the FIFA World Cup in 1994, they didn’t play in that lovely all-white we see them in now. The home kit was red and white stripes, like the stripes of the star spangled banner. The away kit completed the flag with a pretty awful blue thing covered in stars.

San Jose Clash

The San Jose Clash clearly took the ‘clashing’ element of their name and applied it to this horror show. A lovely minty teal with urine yellow and ketchup red. Nike’s design room clearly knocked this up at 5 to 5 on a Friday when they all wanted to get down the pub.

Detroit Express

Even though this lovely photo of Trevor Francis doesn’t really do it justice, the Detroit Express kit was a particularly horrible shade of orange, that was only found in the 1970s. Admiral, the kit makers, were known for their bold designs, so in a way, there’s a certain charm to it,

New England Tea Men

To really ram home the name of the New England Tea Men, Umbro thought it might be a fun idea to stick a gigantic letter ‘T’ on all the kits. The awkward design was only matched by the awkward perms as displayed by some of the players.

San Diego Sockers

While not the most disgusting kit in memory, you have to include the mighty San Diego Sockers because, when the players ran across the pitch, if the material folded, it looked like they were called the ‘Suckers’.

Tampa Bay Mutiny

The kit was a disaster and so too, was the Tampa Bay Mutiny franchise. No surprise really as what player would want to run out in this garish number? Fans weren’t likely to be too keen on it either.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 26th, September 2018 | In: Fashion, Sports | Comment

American Soccer’s Greatest Players: When Football Went Disco

 

NEW YORK COSMOS have had a bewildering array of fantastic players, and the latest in the club’s bumpy history is the Spanish legend, Raul. The Real Madrid superhuman decided to come out of retirement to play for the club made famous by Pele.

As well as being a player, Raul is all set to take on the role of technical adviser to the club’s soon-to-be opened youth academy, which he’ll look after when he’s retired.

“Everyone throughout the soccer world knows the Cosmos name and the legacy of the players that played for this team previously,” Raul said in a statement. “They helped establish soccer in America and I’m honoured to follow in their footsteps. I believe in this club’s vision and I’m excited to be a part of that.”

 

 

Of course, moving to New York doesn’t hurt either, and no doubt, he’ll be on fantastic amounts of money. You’d be mad not to!

Likewise, back in the ’70s and ’80s, footballers from all over the world saw the footballing goldrush of America. When the NASL started to become more popular and investors started throwing their money around, everyone started taking notice.

It was the arrival of Pele at NY Cosmos that saw the floodgates open and a huge number of footballers going Stateside for a huge paycheck and all the coke and champagne they could stomach in America’s disco clubs.

 

 

So with that, let us look at some of the true greats that moved to America, just like David Villa and Frank Lampard are doing in the winter of their careers right now.

And be sure to watch all the videos because there’s a corker tucked away in there.

 

Johann Cruyff

The mighty Cruyff left Europe to play in the sunshine, ending up playing for the Washington Diplomats and LA Aztecs. He, of course, scored one of the most memorable goals in the league’s history.

 

 

Pele

The player that really opened America up was Pele when he moved to the NY Cosmos. Little needs to be said about that, other than it must’ve been absolutely brilliant in New York with all those superstars dossing about the place.

 

 

George Best

Post Manchester United, it feels like Georgie Best played for just about everyone. Somewhere in there, he managed to sup his way around America, working on his tan at Los Angeles Aztecs, Fort Lauderdale Strikers and San Jose Earthquakes. Between one-night stands and hangovers, he managed to score the NASL’s greatest goal.

 

 

Franz Beckenbauer

Also at NY Cosmos was the technical brilliance of Der Kaiser. You can imagine he took it all quite seriously, which must have been borderline hilarious to everyone else there.

 

 

Eusebio

Eusebio left his beloved Benfica and decided to get one last payday. America beckoned and he found himself lording it up with the Boston Minutemen, Toronto Metros-Croatia and Las Vegas Quicksilvers. Openly in it for the money, but no-one minded. He’s Eusebio. He can do what he wants.

 

 

Giorgio Chinaglia

Napoli legend, Chinaglia rocked up at the New York Cosmos like he owned the place, regardless of who was there. Arrogant, bullish and egocentric, Chinaglia was the disco strut of that famous team and he knew it. However, he wasn’t Pele, which drove him mad. Cue: sporting soap operas galore!

 

 

Geoff Hurst

World Cup winner Geoff Hurst buggered off to play for the Seattle Sounders. He banged some goals in and picked up his money. Below, you can see his debut. He must have wondered what he’d let himself in for.

 

 

Carlos Alberto

Pele’s captain, Carlos Alberto also went to the NY Cosmos. It doesn’t matter what he did or didn’t do, because he’s Carlos Alberto who scored perhaps the most perfect goal in World Cup history.

 

 

Gerd Muller

The brilliant Munich hitman, Gerd Muller, went to Ft Lauderdale and thrashed a load of goals in while growing an absolutely magnificent beard (as seen above with a disappointingly clean-shaven George Best). 38 goals in 71 appearances, and then he rightly put his feet up.

 

 

AND FINALLY

Peter Withe made his way to America, playing for the Portland Timbers. The best record of his time there is getting involved in a tussle the a player and squaring up to a referee just after a cameraman gets taken out with a thunderous clearance from close range. Bravo lads. Bravo.

 

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 30th, October 2014 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment