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Transfer balls: Malcom to Arsenal (again), Pepe to Everton and Newcastle to Championship

A year or so ago, Arsenal, Manchester United, Spurs and Fulham were competing hard to invest £45m in Malcom, a raw Brazilian winger playing for Bordeaux. Roma were “on the verge of signing” him (BBC). And then he joined Barcelona for £36.5m. One year on and the talent is not wanted by the Spaniards and worth £31m, the sum Everton have bid.

Barcelona want to resign Neymar. They need to offload Malcom because regulations in Spain mean that each team is only allowed to register three non-EU players. Barcelona have Arturo Vidal, Arthur and Malcom. Neymar makes four.

Apparently Arsenal now want Malcom to wait and see if Louis Zaha hands in a transfer request at Crystal Palace. Or if Palace accept Arsenal’s new offer of £40m plus Calum Chambers, Mohamed Elneny and Carl Jenkinson. How flattered Malcolm must be to know that his future rests on Jenkinson’s slim shoulders.

Everton fans can just to see if an Arsenal reject will join them for a big transfer fee – and if he’s joined by former Chelsea irritant Diego Costa, now stinking the place up at Atletico Madrid. Or Everton will spend £58.5m on Lille’s Nicolas Pepe, the 24-year-old Ivory Coast forward – unless Liverpool, who also want him, get there first.

As Everton fans wonder if their revolution is based more on cash than substance and Gooners try to work out where all the money has gone, all clubs can look down on Newcastle United. The Magpies have asked Sam Allardyce to mange them. And he’s turned them down. Your club might be struggling but at least it’s not Newcastle.

Posted: 11th, July 2019 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Chelsea, Sports | Comment


Harry Redknapp, angry Newcastle fans, sunshine Spurs and Arsenal failures

Soccer - Barclays Premier League - Tottenham Hotspur v Newcastle United - White Hart LaneA few days before Newcastle United fans hymned their team to a 5-1 thrashing of fancied Spurs, former Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp told his Evening Standard readers:

Angry Newcastle fans can help Tottenham finish above Arsenal

He went on:

Newcastle’s relegation should ensure a hostile atmosphere which Tottenham can take advantage of to secure second place in the Premier League…

Spurs…are still a top side and you would fancy them to win at St James’ Park against a team with nothing to play for under a manager who is probably going to leave… The fans up there will be angry at how things have panned out after Sunderland beat Everton and the Newcastle players will just want the season over with.

Here’s what George Caulkin had to say about the match in the Times:

This was a peculiar day at St James’ Park, where a relegated side played with the zeal of champions and their supporters sang merrily in the sunshine and when Spurs, for so long an embodiment of promise and quality, simply imploded. Old, tired, perennial failures Arsenal — or so the narrative goes — hopped above them and a campaign that has featured upset at its core ended in a suitably perplexing manner.

More expert inside knowledge from Harry Redknapp all over the media every week.

Posted: 16th, May 2016 | In: Arsenal, Back pages, Sports, Spurs, Tabloids | Comment


Newcastle United balls: Gutierrez sues club for disability discrimination

Jonas Gutierrez is suing Newcastle for £2million. The Sun says the former Newcastle midfielder is upset at the way the club treated him over his battle with testicular cancer. The paper says he’s claiming disability discrimination by the club.

Gutierrez, 32, was forced to pay for his own treatment after being diagnosed with the illness in October 2013. He recovered and helped ensure Newcastle’s Premier League survival in May — but was then released. The Argentine star, who is now playing for Spanish outfit Deportivo La Coruna, said: “The fact Newcastle did not offer me a new contract could have been interpreted as though I was not well.”

It could have been. Just as it could have been interpreted that Arsenal didn’t offer the often crocked About Diaby a new contract because of his health issues.

The Sun loads the dice:

Gutierrez scored in the final-day win over West Ham, which ensured Newcastle stayed up. But he was then dumped while on a coaching course with team-mate Ryan Taylor.

It is undeniably craven to release a player or any staff member over the phone.

The Sun cites the Equality Act 2010.

The Act makes it unlawful to discriminate against workers because of mental or physical disability, and considers diagnosis of cancer as a disability.

Should they have kept him on? Was he good enough to play for one of the Premier League’s worst teams?

 

Posted: 14th, October 2015 | In: Reviews, Sports | Comment


Pardew to leave Newcastle? Who next?

DURING his time at St James’ Park/Sports Direct Arena/TK Maxx Enormodome/Whatever It Is Called Now, Alan Pardew has had a fraught time of it. Fans wanted him sacked, then he took his side on a decent run and fickle Geordies got off his back, and now, it looks like Pardew has had enough.

He’s been granted permission to talk to Crystal Palace about their vacancy, after Neil Warnock got the chop. It might seem like a strange move, but let us look at it this way – Pardew might get to be Palace’s manager for the next 3 or 4 years if he does well. Can you imagine him still being in the Newcastle hotseat in 3 or 4 years time?

Precisely.

So while Pardew looks after his own neck, there’s the small matter of who might take his job in the North East. More pertinently, who is crackers enough to work for Mike Ashley, with a load of mental fans, at a club that is notoriously laughed-at by the rest of the league for being such a consistent pantomime?

Well, let us look at some of the likely names.

STEVE BRUCE

Hull manager Steve Bruce is a favourite to take the job. For a start, he’s a Newcastle fan. The fact he managed Sunderland won’t mean much to most Magpies. He’s also currently working for a chairman who is more unstable than Mike Ashley (Assem Allam, who wants to rename Hull City, Hull Tigers, even though almost all the fans hate the idea). With Bruce, Hull got to the FA Cup final last season and, with Hull struggling in the Barclays Premier League, it’d be a good time for Newcastle to lure him away.

FABRICIO COLOCCINI

The Argentinian defender is a bizarre favourite with the bookies to take the Newcastle job and the fans seem to like the idea too, even though Jamie Carragher burst out laughing on television when he was asked about it. Even the Independent think that he’s all set to take the job. Having been at the club since 2008, he certainly knows how things are.

TIM SHERWOOD

The laughable Tim Sherwood will be linked to all manner of jobs for the foreseeable future, mainly because he’s ranty enough for the press to like and of course, wears a lovely quilted gilet. Sacked at Spurs last May, he’s highly thought of in certain circles and is inevitably ready to take on a new job after some time out.

KEVIN KEEGAN

It’d be stupid to not mention Kevie Keegle because Newcastle fans love him so very, very much. While he would be a potentially disastrous appointment, it would be a very Newcastle thing to do and, most importantly, be very fun for everyone looking on. Just imagine the 8-5 scorelines and Keegan playing Newcastle sides with 7 strikers. It’d be marvellous. We’d love it. Absolutely love it.

TONY PULIS

Pulis has done sterling work at Stoke and Crystal Palace and would provide a no-nonsense stability that Newcastle, as a club, sorely need. Although, with Pulis falling out with the Eagles co-chairman Steve Parish over transfers, Pulis would need certain financial guarantees from Mike Ashley if he was going to take the job.

FRANK DE BOER

After being courted by Tottenham last year, Frank De Boer is another of the Barcelona alumni who will be drawn to the Premier League (others include Mourinho, Luis Van Gaal and Ronald Koeman). Currently at Ajax, the money and glamour of the English top-flight could see him fancying the Newcastle job. However, at Ajax, he’s got a family of people around him that will be tough to drag him away from.

EDDIE HOWE

Eddie Howe is one of the brightest young English managers in the game, currently doing incredible things at Bournemouth. It is inevitable that a bigger club will snap him up soon, so the current Newcastle job would be a decent punt for those who like an outside bet. Whether Ashley is willing to give a veritable rookie a shot is another matter, but Howe is very highly rated and the chairman has to stick-or-twist on him before someone else lures him away.

Posted: 30th, December 2014 | In: Sports | Comment


Newcastle United: Steven Taylor Does A Massively Racist Tweet

NEWCASTLE United’s Steven Taylor dropped a howler on Twitter today, basically being a ’70s racist, just shy of talking about golliwogs and wondering whether or not to say “some of my best friends are darkies.”

steven taylor tweet

Taylor tweeted a picture which included a black and white minstrel act, someone wearing an afro wig and an African tribesman. And he sent it to Papiss Cisse, Moussa Sissoko, Vurnon Anita and Massadio Haidara, saying “it’s good to see you guys smiling.”

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Posted: 18th, November 2013 | In: Sports | Comment


Steve Bruce Tells Sunderland Fans That Football Is Even Bigger Than Newcastle

SUNDERLAND are floundering in the Premier League. A spirited performance against Arsenal resulted in no points. Sunderland’s misery is compounded by Newcastle United’s promising start to the season. What effect is this having on the team’s boss Steve Bruce?

“As long as I am the Sunderland manager, the one thing I want to do is finish above them [Newcastle], and I am sure Alan Pardew is the same” – August 2011

“Is it just to be judged on finishing above Newcastle? Well, I’m sorry. There’s a bigger picture than that. Unfortunately – if we keep thinking that way, then whoever is manager here – or at Newcastle – they will find the same difficulties” – October 2011

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Posted: 17th, October 2011 | In: Sports | Comment (1)


Andy Carroll And The Meerkat: A Newcastle To Spurs Story

NEWCASTLE lost to the mighty Stevenage in the FA cup – and Andy Carroll, the Magpies’ lead striker was not there.

He’s injured. The club say he was injured during the team’s game against Spurs. But they didn’t make it public until the wound was looked at closely.

The story goes that on a night out with 15 pals at Newcastle’s Aspers Casino, Carroll reportedly ordered 30 Jagerbombs (Jagermeister and Red Bull). He also allegedly drank “two pints of Fosters and around six bottles of Peroni”.

The Mirror’s account will make a decent scene in the player’s biopic:

Witnesses saw him slump down with his head in his hands after the Jager-bombs and one Peroni. Then all of a sudden he perked up, alert – “like a meerkat“.

The pony-tailed striker stood up on the leg rest of the stool which tipped over. He then smashed against the hard wooden floor of the bar area and was clutching his leg, shouting out in pain…

Shortly afterwards his female companion was seen massaging his leg at the roulette table – where he fell off ANOTHER stool. Carroll eventually limped off to a private function room, where he it is claimed he downed five more Peronis and sang on the karaoke machine before finally leaving alone at around 6.30am.

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Posted: 10th, January 2011 | In: Sports | Comment (1)


Airline Asks Fat Passengers To Move To Back Of Plane To Balance It

geordie-planeHOLIDAYMAKERS returning to Newcastle from Mallorca are kindly requested to move about the cockpit to balance the plane. Fat to the back. Less fat to the middle. Those who have been to the front.

Thomas Cook airlines needs to ensure that the cargo and passengers are evenly distributed.

A door has jammed in the hold and luggage could only be loaded into the front of the plane.

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Posted: 23rd, June 2009 | In: Strange But True | Comment (1)


Newcastle United Relgated

NEWCASTLE United have been relegated.

Finally, the world’s most maudlin fans in the world have something to weep about.

Will Alan Shearer stick it out in the Championship? Would any Newcastle fan dreaming of success want him to?

And then there’s club chairman Mike Ashley – the fan in the boardroom who seemingly took as his model the Spurs sides of the 80s and 90s and exceded that failure.

Still, on the bright side – they get to play Middlesborough next season…

Posted: 24th, May 2009 | In: Sports | Comment