Anorak

News

Posts Tagged ‘News’

Michael Jackson: Taught Bubbles To Throw Poo At His Neverland Ranch

PA-1251035

 

THERE’S a maid who worked at Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch and – you’d think she’d have barrowloads of amazing anecdotes from her job wouldn’t you?

Just think of the amazing music that would’ve been made in their presence! Think of the wonderful and fun pop-cultural artefacts owned by The King Of Pop.

Instead, this maid has come out and said that Michael Jackson was “the dirtiest, most unsanitary person in Hollywood.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 11th, August 2014 | In: Music | Comment


Your favourite rock star is probably about to die

WE’RE getting to a special time in rock ‘n’ roll where the pantheon of Peter Pans is looking more mortal than ever. The music of the babyboomers is finally creaking with age.

Lennon, Joplin, Redding and Gaye all had the decency to die young, thereby making them immortal. The babyboomers did not feel worried. We’re the rock ‘n’ roll generation! That’s exactly the kind of exciting thing that happens to us! I HOPE I DIE BEFORE I GET OLD, MAN! Just like Keith Moon! Just like Brian Jones!

All the while, the rest of rock ‘n’ roll survived and got old. Just For Men, Facelifts and increasingly younger partners plastered over the cracks in the wall.

Then everyone started dying of old age.

Initially, Syd Barrett and Arthur Lee left and the babyboomers (and their kids) all felt bad, but brushed it all off with “well, they had a pretty crazy life! It was always going to catch up with them at some point! Shine on you crazy diamonds!”

And now everyone is dropping like flies. The sheer volume of dying rockstars over the past decade has been astonishing. Not a week goes by without someone tweeting RIP to one of their favourite musicians dying. They’re all in the 60s and 70s now. They’re old. There’s no escaping it.

This week, Ramones drummer Tommy Ramone shrugged off his mortal coil, leaving zero original Ramones left. Even punk is getting old. No-one is safe.

Of course, there’s a good number of rockstar legends knocking around the circuit, such as Mick ‘n’ Keef, Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder, but there’s something gnawing at the back of fans’ brains about their idols.

They’re nearly dead.

This weekend, fans in the UK watched Neil Young roll back the years. The sad fact is, that is statistically likely to be the last time they see him in person. Neil Young may have said that it is better to burn out than fade away, but fade away he will – he’s not got long left.

The babyboomers are going to watch every single one of their idols die. The Woodstock Generation… the Mods… the dadrockers… for the first time in their lives, they’re faced with the very real possibility of every single thing they like turning into compost before their eyes. And with them will go their own youth.

We’re in the middle of rock music’s retirement, with only bands like The Black Keys, Jack White and Arctic Monkeys still clinging on to the old fashioned idea of ‘rock ‘n’ roll’ to be played in huge stadiums, revering the blues.

This all sounds desperately negative, but if you want to cherish these acts, do it now. Watch their final flings and roll around in nostalgia because, like it or not, the people who invented the teenager, the people that shaped what popular music could achieve, are all this close to joining the choir invisible.

Magazine will beatify these men and women, but soon, they’ll stop being in the present, and soon become very much of the past. And that, for the true spirit of rock ‘n’ roll, is incredibly exciting indeed.

Posted: 14th, July 2014 | In: Music | Comment


The Real Problem With Musician’s Tax Avoidance

 

 

PA-12766495

 

THERE’S quite the kerfuffle in musicville, after it turned out that a number of wealthy musicians were ferreting their money away in tax avoidance schemes.

Lazy people are vomiting into their hands about how awful it all is, while even lazier fans of said bands are saying “CUH! LIKE YOU WOULDN’T AVOID TAX IF YOU COULD!”, despite the fact most people can’t, don’t and wouldn’t.

All four members of Arctic Monkeys, George Michael, Gary Barlow, Katie Melua have been named as hiding their millions from HMRC.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 12th, July 2014 | In: Celebrities, Music | Comment (1)


Jonah Hill Says Sorry For Gay Slur

THIS weekend, Jonah Hill found himself being chased around by the paparazzi. Nothing new there. However, one of them started mocking him in a bid to provoke a response.

One of them teased Hill, saying: “I like the shorts though, bro. They are pretty sexy.”

It was during this that Hill found he’d had enough. So he shouted something. Something that wasn’t very clever. To the photographer, he spat: “Suck my dick, you faggot!”

 

 

 

Of course, Jonah wasn’t embracing the wonderful diversity of the world by saying that we’re lucky to live in a world where men can suck each other’s dicks, nor indeed, was his use of the word ‘faggot’ a bid to reclaim the word. He was saying: ‘Hey! You made me mad Mr Cameraman! So you know what? I’m going to imply you’re gay because being gay is bad!’

Not sure why you’d order someone you don’t like to fellate you though. That’s never made sense. Imagine if you shouted to one of your detractors – ‘HEY BUDDY! WHY DON’T YOU MAKE SWEET LOVE TO ME UNTIL ONE OF US ORGASMS, HUH?!’

Anyway, one thing is for sure – this whole episode is very disappointing, what with Jonah Hill seeming like a pretty nice guy. So fortunately for fans, he apologised on the Howard Stern show. But was it one of those mealy-mouthed ‘please – accept this! I like earning all these accolades and could do with you not turning on me!’ or was it more a case of ‘I really am sorry and my ears have not stopped burning with embarrassment ever since’?

“This is a heartbreaking situation for me,” said Jonah.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 1st, July 2014 | In: Celebrities | Comment


PHEW! Jesus The Jew Would Approve of Gay Marriage, Says Elton John

elton john jesus

 

MOST people who don’t like gays are religious, or at least, religious sympathetic. They think homosexuality goes against nature or some kind of cosmic order.

Some are violent or abusive toward gay people, because presumably, they feel the need to serve up justice because they don’t believe their god is up to the job, cometh the hour. The inherent weakness of deities must be a constant concern for the praying sorts.

Or, maybe it is something to do with deities being into homosexuality?

Elton John reckons that Jesus Christ would approve of gay marriage. In an interview with Sky News, Sir Elton added that he’s meeting up with Russian President Vladimir Putin in a bid to try and improve Russia’s gay rights record.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 30th, June 2014 | In: Music, Reviews | Comment


Sky Ferreira Defends ‘Uncle’ Terry Richardson

PA-20047222

 

THERE’S been a lot of talk about Terry Richardson lately. Basically, a number of models have said that he’s a sexual predator, to which the celebrity photographer dismissed.

And now, pop starlet Sky Ferreira has defended ‘Uncle Terry’ in a long post on her Facebook page.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 28th, June 2014 | In: Celebrities, Music | Comment


Phil Collins Donates his Alamo Collection to Texas

PA-18383428

 

OZZY Osbourne may have taken a leak on The Alamo, but Phil Collins has a different connection with the famous Wild West battle that took place 180 years ago.

When Phil isn’t making muscular pop and stadium-filling music as a solo artist, or with Genesis, he’s diving headlong into the world of Davy Crockett and has amassed an incredible collection from the Battle of the Alamo. It has been under his watchful eye for many years, but now, he’s donating his artefacts to a Texas museum.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 27th, June 2014 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Washington Redskins To Lose Their ‘Racist’ Name

PA-17363633

 

THERE’S been a long debate about the name of the Washington Redskins’ name. The NFL team are famously the redskins, but few outside of America have really considered the meaning.

Think about it. Redskins. And a logo of a Native American. Would you back a team called Bigsville Blackfaces? Or the Metropolis Yellow Peril? Of course you wouldn’t – but in Washington, they’ve got away with it, somehow, even after The Onion went in (and went in very hard, to make a point) on the NFL team.

However, that may all be changing after the United States Patent and Trademark Office cancelled the Redskins trademark registration, calling the football team’s name “disparaging to Native Americans.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 19th, June 2014 | In: Sports | Comment


Stephen Fry Can Sing? BBC Plan Own Toe-Curlingly Bad Version Of Brit Awards

brits bbc

 

THE BBC has long eyed up ITV’s pop-cultural weight with envy. ITV has The X Factor and Britain’s Got Talent. The BBC have got the rather stuffy Later… with Jools Holland and the even stuffier Strictly Come Dancing.

One big hitter in the TV calendar is ITV’s coverage of the Brit Awards and now, trying to muscle in, the Beeb are launching a rival to it, which will no doubt be like the musical equivalent of the incredibly dry Sports Personality of the Year.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 16th, June 2014 | In: Music | Comment


‘Dying’ Morrissey, The Sickliest Musician In The World, Cancels Tour

PA-19766648

 

\IF you work in the music industry, or know someone who works in the biz, you’ll inevitably have hundreds of anecdotes about Morrissey’s behaviour, all them which will result in some kind of libel from the longest face in music.

However, it seems that Moz doesn’t mind making accusations about other people at all, which he did while cancelling all his dates on his American tour.

Morrissey postponed dates in Atlanta, Baltimore and Washington, but how now sacked off the rest of his schedule because he’s a bit poorly.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 12th, June 2014 | In: Music | Comment


JK Rowling Doesn’t Want Scottish Independence

PA-1401984

 

THE political hot-tatty that is Scottish Independence has seen most people thinking ‘it doesn’t really matter whether Scotland would be better off independent, they’ll probably vote ‘Yes’ just to get away from the Tories and UKIP’.

Comedian Limmy is a huge vocal support of independence. So is Kevin Bridges, Alan Cumming, Sean Connery and actor Brian Cox. David Bowie and Alex Ferguson aren’t keen on the idea.

Billy Connolly says he’s staying out of it.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 11th, June 2014 | In: Celebrities, Politicians | Comment


Boy Band Weed Watch: Dull One Direction Make Smoking Marijuana Uncool

PA-19952354

 

THE video of One Direction members Zayn Malik and Louis Tomlinson smoking weed has been shared a million times on the internet and a number of op-ed pieces have fretted over the band’s reputation and the potential for the band misleading their fans into doing naughty things.

So, let us look at each in turn.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 2nd, June 2014 | In: Music | Comment


In 1985 The Press Association Presented The Future of Journalism

IN 1985,  the Press Association presented the future of journalism.

The pencil and paper remain the most reliable tools in a journalist’s possession.

 

tomorrow's reporter

Posted: 26th, May 2014 | In: Flashback, Technology | Comment (1)


Led Zeppelin To Reunite At An Alright Jamaican Party

Leadsinger Robert Plant, left, and guitarist Jimmy Page, right, of the British rock band Led Zeppelin perform at the Live Aid concert at Philadelphia's J.F.K. Stadium, on July 13, 1985. (AP Photo/Rusty Kennedy) Date: 13/07/1985

Leadsinger Robert Plant, left, and guitarist Jimmy Page, right, of the British rock band Led Zeppelin perform at the Live Aid concert at Philadelphia’s J.F.K. Stadium, on July 13, 1985.

 

IT seems weird when really famous bands don’t get back together, especially when the lead singer is still alive. Look at Abba. Look at Talking Heads. Look at The Smiths.

Look at Led Zeppelin.

With the latter, Bonzo has obviously gone, but rest of them are still hanging around and even got it on for one night in London. So what’s the problem? Roll out the hits, don’t embarrass yourself and let everyone listen to ‘Black Dog’ really loud. Sounds like a winner, right?

Well, Jimmy Page has said that he is ‘fed up’ with Robert Plant for delaying Led Zeppelin reunion plans, so if you’re looking for someone to blame, blame ‘Percy’.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 19th, May 2014 | In: Music | Comment


Are The Arctic Monkeys Dialling It In?

PA-19066770

 

 

REMEMBER when the Arctic Monkeys first burst onto the scene? Ordinary kids, making sharp, loud rock ‘n’ roll coupled with slanted looks at society and crapfun nights out? Even if they weren’t your bag, they sure were fun to have around. They made gloriously dumb music and matched it with an intelligence that their peers lacked.

And then, slowly, they turned into Every Other Rock Stars, going to the gym and wearing expensive clothes and making dadrock.

Some will argue that they grew up, which is fine as their fans were growing up too. However, who says that a) You have to grow up at all in music? b) Growing up means slowing down?

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 8th, May 2014 | In: Music | Comment


Brody Dalle Is ‘Proud’ of Alex Turner’s Speech

REMEMBER when Alex Turner of the Arctic Monkeys made that speech about rock ‘n’ roll at The Brits and everyone who wasn’t a guitar-loving 14 year old, just shrivelled up and died of awkwardness on the spot?

Well, Distillers honcho Brody Dalle has said that she’s “proud” of Turner for speaking out on behalf of rock’n’roll, because obviously, rock ‘n’ roll was in danger of not being represented all the bloody time on TV and radio. We’ve noticed the collective fawning over 90s indie music, folk-rock-pop cover versions on adverts, Royal Wedding-levels of blanket TV coverage of Glastonbury ever bastard summer and the national press ignoring pretty much every release that isn’t a rock LP and so on and on.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 1st, May 2014 | In: Music | Comment (1)


Punks and Money: Pete Doherty Talks About Filthy Lucre

pete doherty

 

PUNKS and money have always been a funny thing, mainly because the entire foundation for punk is to not give two hoots about cash. They mean it, maaan. Anti-establishment, lone wolf rock music, that does things on its own terms without caring about what the SUITS think.

Right on! And all that.

Of course, all punks soon get tired of being poor and living grottily, which prompts them to say everything was just one big Art Jape. Look at John Lydon – poster boy for punk, later, advertisements for butter and appearing on reality TV shows in the jungle. Har de har har, all that stuff about being real? It was a joke wasn’t it? And all the reunion tours and reissues of our old records? Yeah, when we said ‘no future’, it was supposed to be funny! This was always likely to end up being our pensions! Hark! We even say ‘we’re only in it for the money!’ and talk about ‘filthy lucre’!

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 1st, May 2014 | In: Money, Music | Comment


Call Carlton The Doorman: Broadway Producers Sue Actress Valerie Harper For Having Brain Cancer

PA-17770444

YOU can assume that having brain cancer is difficult enough to deal with, but actress Valerie Harper is finding out that there’s things worse than brain cancer.

And that’s having brain cancer and being sued for it.

That’s right! The clearly sensitive and empathetic playwright, Matthew Lombardo and several Broadway producers, are suing someone with a spectacularly dreadful illness!

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 28th, April 2014 | In: Celebrities, Reviews | Comment


BBC Three Was Killed Off To Make Room For New Versions of Old Versions Of Older Books

PA-19078215

 

WHILE the world moves on at a terrifying speed, there’s one thing you can always rely on – the BBC’s fondness for wheeling out the cadavers of old books.

If it has hay dappled by golden sun, people heaving their bosoms in bay windows, rugged bastards who own loads of land and randy farmhands, you know that the BBC is going to be all over it like a rash, making cat-ladies and men in corduroy swoon with gusset quivering delight.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 24th, April 2014 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Should We Boycott Record Store Day?

PA-13346895

 

AS everyone knows, Record Store Day is to hipsters what Valentine’s Day is to the romantics. It’s enforced fun where naysayers chirp “you shouldn’t need a designated day to show someone you love them/buy records” and generally, everyone is quite annoying about it on both sides of the fence.

Of course, the people who really like RSD are those who love to queue for hours and touts.

Regarding the latter, Paul Weller, complete with his old lady’s haircut, has called for a boycott on the event, after copies of his limited 45 ‘Brand New Toy’ were being sold on eBay for hiked-up prices.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 23rd, April 2014 | In: Music, The Consumer | Comment


Steve Jobs Biopic Stars Danny Boyle and Leo DiCaprio

Personal computer pioneer Steve Jobs of NeXT Computer Inc., shows off his NeXTstation color computer to the press at the NeXT facility in Redwood City, Calif., on April 4, 1991. (AP Photo/Ben Margot)

Personal computer pioneer Steve Jobs of NeXT Computer Inc., shows off his NeXTstation color computer to the press at the NeXT facility in Redwood City, Calif., on April 4, 1991. (AP Photo/Ben Margot)

 

EVER looked at Steve Jobs and thought: “There’s a guy I’d like to watch a film about!” Imagine the thrills and spills as Jobs goes to the bank to get a loan! Gasp as Jobs does some soldering on a motherboard! Swoon as he buys 30,000 black turtle neck sweaters!

Good news! Danny Boyle and Leonardo DiCaprio could well be working together on a biopic of the Apple Honcho.

The film will be based on the biography by Walter Isaacson about Jobs, which was released in 2011. It follows on from the film ‘Jobs’, which starred Ashton Kutcher, which no-one watched.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 22nd, April 2014 | In: Celebrities, Technology | Comment


Man Claims He’s Allergic To Kim Kardashian: Makes His Palms Sweat

6a00d8341c301153ef01a51166160b970c-450wi

THE headline of this piece could’ve been ‘Stupid Man Invents Thing To Get In The Papers’, but alas, we’ll deal with the hand we’ve been given.

Mike Amess has claimed that he’s allergic to Kim Kardashian. Of course, Kim Kardashian is the prime target in the world for people who want to knock someone without having to actually think of someone worthy of being a target.

Yes. Kim Kardashian is actually alright and hugely misunderstood, but that’s another article.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 18th, April 2014 | In: Celebrities, Strange But True | Comment


Damon Albarn and Noel Gallagher To Make A Record Together?

blur

 

THE animosity circus that was Britpop, with everyone trying to outdo each other by saying “we’re the best band in the world” and slating other bands was fun for 10 minutes. When bands like Scotland’s The Gyres started calling themselves the best band in the world, everything got a bit claggy.

However, one rivalry really caught everyone’s attention – Oasis versus Blur.

On one hand, you had the distanced Damon Albarn and his gaggle of middle-class artists, sidestepping the High Street to look at the way people lived. It was songs about lottery winners, girls who worked the check-outs, shipping forecasts and having sex with the telly on. On the other, you had Oasis – a gang of lads from some crap street, hungry for success and writing songs about having the best night out ever and immortality.

Everything about the rivalry worked, even though both bands were indebted to the same period of ’60s music (Oasis were aping The Beatles’ ‘Rain’ and noisy Freakbeat records, while Blur took a Ray Davies and ‘Penny Lane’ approach). Is was lads off the estate versus those that listened in school.

Many snide remarks were thrown back and forth and it was equally useful for both bands as the press and marketing teams gobbled it all up. It all came to the fore with Country House versus Roll With It. Both bands, in their own way won and, the ultimate loser was the record buying public as, once the fuss had died down, they realised they’d got suck into buying some subpar records.

However, they’ve all grown up now. Damon Albarn is a music magpie with a variety of collaborations and projects under his belt, while Noel Gallagher left Oasis, leaving Liam to tour with Beady Eye, the world’s best Oasis tribute act. Gone are the jibes wishing AIDS on each other. Damon and Noel, the statesmen of their respective camps, have grown to like each other away from all the din.

Albarn has, for a while now, talked of the times he bumped into Noel and, after a tentative start, they’ve grown to like each other. Now, in 2014, it looks like an album with them both is on the cards.

Damon revealed that making an album with Noel Gallagher is a “distinct possibility” and that the pair have discussed the idea “at least once”.

“I still see Noel from time to time. We text a bit,” Albarn says. When asked if the pair would be making a record together, he said: “I can imagine that being a very distinct possibility at some point in the future. But, as yet we haven’t really talked about it, although…”

“OK we have a little bit. We’re talking. It’s not anything to get excited about yet. I mean, he’s doing his thing. He’s finishing a new record. I’ve got my record coming out, but the principle of us making music together is something…you know, it would be fair to say, we have discussed it at least once.”

And if you missed it, Damon and Noel played on-stage together last year at the Royal Albert Hall for a Teenage Cancer Trust gig.

Could be a good LP, if they work it out.

Posted: 16th, April 2014 | In: Music, Reviews | Comment (1)


Dentist Plans To Clone John Lennon From A Tooth And Raise Him As A Son

PA-19266311

A CLEARLY bonkers Canadian dentist called Dr Michael Zuk has spoken of his not weird and distressing at all plans to clone dead Beatle John Lennon and raise him as a son.

See, he’s got DNA from the singer’s tooth and doesn’t see any weird moral implications of owning his own little Beatle, like he’s the evil empire in Star Wars, making a load of Jango Fetts.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 16th, April 2014 | In: Music, Strange But True | Comment


The New Noah Is Looking A Bit White – And There’s A Weird Reason For That

From left, New Zealand actor Russell Crowe and Australian actor Hugh Jackman arrive for the UK Premiere of Noah at a central London cinema, London, Monday, March 31, 2014.

From left, New Zealand actor Russell Crowe and Australian actor Hugh Jackman arrive for the UK Premiere of Noah at a central London cinema, London, Monday, March 31, 2014.

 

PEOPLE have long chuckled about America’s insistence that people from the Middle East are white. Apart from present day Middle Eastern people of course. They HATE those guys.

We’re talking about the meme that got out of hand. European artists painted Jesus as a white guy and everyone cleverly ignored the fact that he would have at least been olive-skinned, or even darker. He definitely wasn’t some white guy with fair hair and a neat beard who looked like he might be the road manager for Creedence Clearwater Revival.

So too, the rest of The Bible’s important figures found themselves being whitened, in modern American depictions especially. And so, to Noah, who just happens to be the subject of a new film and, unsurprisingly, he’s played by a white guy; Russell Crowe.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 15th, April 2014 | In: Film, Reviews | Comment