Posts Tagged ‘News’
French Football Cancels Matches To Protest Against Tax
GETTING footballers to show any sort of excitement, opinion or passion for anything is nigh on impossible. All over the world, they talk in monotone voices, all the life trained out of them and blurbling on and on, vaguely about results and teamwork.
Unless, of course, it involves money.
French professional football clubs have scrubbed all matches over one weekend in November to protest against President François Hollande’s 75% “super tax” on high salaries.
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All Hail President Klitschko! And First Lady Hayden Panettiere!
BOXERS usually don’t quite know what to do with themselves after the hang their gloves up, and usually end up back in the ring too old, too hittable, and get battered by some upstart for a big purse.
However, Ukraine boxer and former world heavyweight boxing champ Vitali Klitschko has confirmed he will run in the country’s 2015 presidential election.
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Posted: 24th, October 2013 | In: Politicians, Sports | Comment
Panicky Groom Jailed For Wedding Bomb Hoax
WOMEN who say ‘all men are pigs’ or ‘men are stupid’ want following around with a machine that makes an irritating noise for the rest of their lives.
However, some men really don’t help.
Take for example, the bridegroom who has been jailed for a year after staging a bomb hoax on his wedding day to try to prevent his bride finding out that he’d failed to complete the paperwork required for them to marry.
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Sorry Homophobes But Gay Love Is Totally Natural (Educated Bees Do It)
BIRDS do it. Bees do it. Even educated fleas do it. Do what? Gay sex or, to give it the correct term ‘sex’.
All those homophobes who think the whole things is wrong and immoral, turns out, are wildly wrong. They reckon it is unnatural? Well, you don’t get more natural than a bunch of insects all shtupping each other, regardless of gender. It seems that ‘beastly’ isn’t a slur at all!
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Posted: 22nd, October 2013 | In: Reviews, Strange But True | Comment
Devil Cat Tells Woman To ‘Go AWAY’
WHO needs Doctor Doolittle when you have animals that can talk English? That’s what one lady was faced with in Dublin after her kitchen was invaded by a Devil Cat.
‘Caroline H’ filmed the feline hiding in her kitchen, tempted in by the smell of biscuits.
The moggy, when shooed, replied with what sounds like ‘go away’, before flashing its demon eyes at everyone and knocking everything flying in the kitchen. Caroline’s off-screen companion can be heard helpfully shouting: “He’ll jump on you, Caroline, he’ll jump on you!”.
The footage ends with the cat hanging from the window frame like a weirdo.
“No cat was harmed in the filming of this video,” she wrote on YouTube. “The cat safely left the house after I stopped filming. This cat was an invader after our cookies. Please keep all doors and windows closed to protect yourself against rogue angry cats.”
After the video went online, another resident came forward to claim the cat was hers, and that it certainly wasn’t a ‘devil cat’ as described.
“Henry isn’t lost. He does, however, have a secret life that I don’t question him about. We’re all entitled to our secrets,” Emily Coffey wrote.
Posted: 20th, October 2013 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Vinyl Music Sales At A 10 Year High
VINYL bores are a terrible, terrible thing. However, some nice news is that vinyl sales are at a 10 year high. Driving demand are releases from Daft Punk, Arctic Monkeys and David Bowie (and a whole bunch of great compilations and reissues).
Figures are showing that records have crossed the half-million mark already in 2013, which is the first time that’s happened since 2003. Since last year, sales have doubled.
Naturally, the amount of records sold is rather modest, but still encouraging. Music fans have bought 550,000 records thus far, according to analysis of Official Charts Company data by recording industry body the BPI.
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Posted: 17th, October 2013 | In: Music, The Consumer | Comment
English Football Is A Brat Factory: Manchester United and West Ham Prospects Row
IN the England Under-21 game against Lithuania, the Three Lions ran out 5-0 and that would’ve been something to celebrate. However, there’s something troubling – is English football little more than a brat factory, churning out vacuous, quick-tempered babies who can’t get along?
U21’s manager Gareth Southgate certainly hinted as much, saying that there’s poor relations between England’s talented young few.
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Watch a weatherman eat cat vomit, live on air
AN American news report took a turn for the worse when a weatherman ate cat puke live on air. Weatherman Scot Haney made viewers recoil in horror when he ignored the five-second rule after noticing something on the floor which he fancied eating.
He thought they were grape nuts.
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Posted: 14th, October 2013 | In: Strange But True, TV & Radio | Comment
Someone buys Breaking Bad underpants for nearly $10k (NOT FOR CHARITY)
BREAKING BAD is a show that divides everyone straight down the middle. You’ve got people who haven’t seen it and you’ve got people who love it, constantly tweet about it and make everyone else hate it even more. There is no middle ground.
On the Mental And I Love It side of things, one fan spent $9,900 on the underpants worn by Walter White from Breaking Bad. One can assume that Walter White had more than one pair of undercrackers, but there you go.
The show collaborated with Sony Pictures and Screenbid to hold a 10-day auction, where fans could bid for all manner of things.
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Posted: 11th, October 2013 | In: Celebrities, The Consumer, TV & Radio | Comment
Want to listen to weird 999 calls? Why didn’t you say so?
999 is not a number to be trifled with. If you use the number to horse around, chances are, EVERYONE IS GOING TO DIE BECAUSE THEY CAN’T GET THROUGH.
Possibly.
Either way, the London Fire Brigade have decided to shame some simpletons who haven’t quite grasped what the number is for. One lady called the Fire Brigade because she threw a glass of water at fighting dogs, but forgot her false teeth were in the glass. Number of fires in that incident – 0.
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Julian Assange nearly makes Benedict Cumberbatch quit film, says leaked email
NOT a man known for attracting attention to himself, Julian Assange apparently refused to meet Benedict Cumberbatch while he was preparing to play the WikiLeaks founder for a film… and amusingly, it is a leaked email that has revealed this news.
In the letter, sent in January, Assange described Cumberbatch’s film, The Fifth Estate, as “toxic” and “distorted“, adding that the actor should “reconsider your involvement in this enterprise”.
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Posted: 10th, October 2013 | In: Celebrities, Film | Comment
Spurs and Newcastle United legend Gazza joins Twitter and everyone prays it won’t be a car wreck
Finally on Twitter will keep everyone up to date… Looking forward to getting to know you guys and showing you the real Gazza !!
— Paul Gascoigne (@gazzaofficial) October 8, 2013
EVERYONE loves Paul Gascoigne. He was supremely talented but a wreck of a human. He’s brings out the older sibling in us all, where we want to cuddle him and fix him, fearful that he’s going about his life in a fashion which suggest he’s not long for this Earth.
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Kevin Pietersen wins libel damages against Specsavers after they implied he was a cheat
ENGLAND batsman and general talented poser, Kevin Pietersen, has accepted a large but undisclosed amount of money for libel damages after a Specsavers advert implied he may have tampered with his bat during this summer’s Ashes series against Australia.
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Are you a lady driver? Careful of your ovaries in Saudi Arabia
WOMEN drivers come in for a lot of flack, mainly because they accidentally inspired that awful Sheila’s Wheels advert. However, someone more deserving of the mockery is Saudi cleric, Sheikh Saleh al-Luhaydan.
He’s warned, with a completely straight face, that driving will affect women’s ovaries and bring “clinical disorders” upon their poor unfortunate children.
Yes, you read that correctly.
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Morrissey loves This Charming Charlie: Peanuts does The Smiths
MORRISSEY may hate meat, but he doesn’t hate Peanuts. The professional pathos peddler has come out in support of Tumblr, ThisCharmingCharlie, saying that he’s “delighted and flattered” by reworkings of the Snoopy-starring comic strips that feature lyrics by his former band The Smiths.
In a statement released to fansite True To You, the singer swatted away claims that he had anything to do with record label attempts to take down the site.
“Morrissey would like to stress that he has not been consulted over any takedown request to remove the Tumblr blog named ‘This Charming Charlie’,” the message read.
“Morrissey is represented by Warner-Chappell Publishing, and not Universal Music Publishing, (who have allegedly demanded that the lyrics be removed). Morrissey is delighted and flattered by the Peanuts comic strip with its use of Morrissey-Smiths lyrics, and he hopes that the strips remain.”
The website has posted a letter sent to Tumblr from Lauren LoPrete’s legal representatives, outlining fair use to use the lyrics.
Posted: 7th, October 2013 | In: Celebrities, Music | Comment
Lostprophets announce split as singer faces grim sex charges
IN a move that should be met with “No shit!” and “Urgh, what to do?”, Lostprophets have announced that they’re splitting up in the face of frontman Ian Watkins imminent trial for sex offences, which make for particularly grim reading.
The group, who have been making a racket since 1997, announced the news on their Facebook page, saying: “After nearly a year of coming to terms with our heartache, we finally feel ready to announce publicly what we have thought privately for some time. We can no longer continue making or performing music as Lostprophets.”
“Your love and support over the past 15 years has been tremendous, and we’ll be forever grateful for all you’ve given us. As we look forward to the next phase of our lives, we can only hope to be surrounded by people as devoted and inspiring as you guys have been.”
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Posted: 3rd, October 2013 | In: Celebrities, Music | Comment (1)
Motorists nicked for brushing teeth and browsing the internet while driving in Hampshire
LORRY drivers get a hard time don’t they? People unfairly chide them, when they’re just trying to do their job, like those nice men on Convoy or Smokey and the Bandit.
And so, to a news story about a lorry driver was caught brushing his teeth while driving his long, flammable death machine. And also to a car driver was pulled over for shaving with a razor and a water bottle, during a police crackdown.
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Posted: 3rd, October 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)
People with money to burn can ruin Frankie Cocozza’s body
YOU remember Frankie Cocozza don’t you? He was the chap who appeared on the X Factor looking like a knuckle peering out of a grizzly bear’s arse, who had perhaps THE most annoying ‘cheeky chappie’ schtick since Loaded sent a load of their writers on television to defend their stance on burping at women’s baps.
You may also remember that he got his derriere out and displayed a bunch of girls names he’d got tattooed on, when notches on a bedpost wasn’t enough.
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Posted: 2nd, October 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Baby gives birth to its own twin (video)
WANNA puke? Well, doctors in China discovered a two-year-old boy who was carrying an undeveloped foetus inside his stomach. Yes, really.
Xiao Feng had to undergo an operation to ‘give birth’ to his own parasitic twin.
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Posted: 1st, October 2013 | In: Strange But True | Comment (1)
Mothers are all swear-filled monsters: kids repeat the most horrible things (video)
MOTHERS are such paragons of virtue aren’t they? They say things like: “Well, if you were a mother yourself, you’d understand.” They all say a shitload of swear words, echoing down their little offspring’s earholes.
Jimmy Kimmel, having heard about sweary moms, decided to test this out and sent a camera crew out to ask America’s children about the worst words their mothers have used when they’re angry.
This all comes on the back of a report that suggests women are more likely to indulge in a bit of road rage than men.
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Was the World Cup in Qatar 2022 the worst idea ever?
FOR years, the World Cup was just a really cool event everyone looked forward to. Venues switched between countries famed for football and those that loved the sport, but weren’t very good at it. Mexico made sense, twice. Italy, Brazil, Argentina and France were great hosts. Then, in 1994, the USA World Cup ushered in the idea of hosting the tournament in countries that were ‘developing’, footballing-wise.
Fast-forward to 2013 and we’ve had Japan/South Korea and South Africa, which varied in quality… but both are saintly compared to the impending Qatar 2022 tournament, which looks for all the world like the worst idea in footballing history.
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Katie Holmes: Quite mental without Tom Cruise
EVERYONE worried about Katie Holmes when she was married to Tom Cruise. Everyone assumed that she had been kidnapped by Scientology and that she was going to be all weird, like Cruise was going to use her like a puppet.
However, everyone was wrong. That’s because Katie Holmes is quite capable of being a bit weird all by herself.
See, Holmes – once an A-Lister – has landed a role as the face of Hellmann’s Mayonnaise’s 100th birthday celebrations. Read that back. Katie Holmes, the face of century old mayo.
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News in photos – September 25 2013: Pearly Kings, Fulham evict Michael Jackson and Liverpool’s Luis Suarez is back
NEWS in photos – September 25 2013: Pearly Kings and Liverprool’s Luis Suarez is back:
[Not a valid template]Posted: 25th, September 2013 | In: Photojournalism, Reviews | Comment
Deathwise child rides plastic tricycle down busy motorway
DRIVERS will know that, when you’re behind the wheel, you have to stay alert. Cats run into the road, cyclists weave in-and-out of traffic and weird accidents can happen.
However, in Brazil, motorists got the shock of their lives as they dodged an eight-year-old boy riding a tricycle alongside them.
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Posted: 25th, September 2013 | In: Reviews, Strange But True | Comment
Pig gets drunk on 18 beers and ends up in a fight with cow
WE’VE all been there. We’ve had a bit too much to drink and ended up getting into a bit of bother as our brains stop talking to our bodies, but our limbs and mouths continue apace.
Well, this isn’t just the behaviour of humans. One feral pig got blotto and went on something of a violent bender.
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Posted: 24th, September 2013 | In: Strange But True | Comment
