From Real Madrid to Liverpool: Marco Asensio’s pimple and the steady emasculation of footballers

Real Madrid began their Champions League title defence with a routine win over APOEL. And they did it without Marco Asensio, 21, who has a pimple on his leg. Asensio’s manager Zinedine Zidane told media: “[Marco has] a pimple… which stopped him pulling up his socks.”

Asensio’s pimple, says local Madrid press, is a result of his shaving his legs.

Marco Asensio missing a match because a pimple got infected whilst shaving his legs might well be the most modern football story ever. We only hope it doesn’t get worse for Asensio when his teammates find out:

 

 

Footballers live on a diet of creams, depilated, patent skin and self-tanning unguents. Liverpool FC’s players don’t take two bottles into the shower, most likely preferring to take about ten into the almond milk bath before air drying in a wind of imported Fiji Breeze and enrobing their skin and hair in liquidised baby foreskins.

 

 

But it’s not just footballers. Man is falling in that most hairy-knuckled of spots: rugby. Gone are the days when the best you could hope for in a rugby union changing room was a bar of coal tar soap and a turd in your kit bag. Now you are more likely to find a range of hair and skin care products.

 

 

O tempora, o mores!

Anorak

Posted: 14th, September 2017 | In: Key Posts, News, Sports, Strange But True | Comment

Racist Nivea Presents The Most Racist Adverts Ever

IS this advert for Nivea grooming product racist? The clean-cut black man is holding the severed head of what is either his old self or else one of his tribe who refused to yield to civilisation and kept his hair natural. Chop their heads off – that’ll teach them to use white creams in smart pots.

The message is “Re-civilize Yourself“.

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Anorak

Posted: 22nd, August 2011 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comments (2)