Posts Tagged ‘Nominative Determinism’
Nominative determinism: Mr Slaughter becomes new head of Western Australia’s largest beef processor
In Nominative Determinism News, Ted Slaughter has been appointed the new chief executive officer for Harvest Road Group – Western Australia’s largest beef processor.
Image: Interior of a cow for sale at flashbak prints.
Spotter: Farm Weekly
Posted: 19th, February 2021 | In: News, Strange But True | Comment
Golfer Jack Nicklaus delighted his daughter marries a man called Todger
Hyumef golfer Jack Niclaus is delighter to tweet the wedding of his daughter christine to Todger Struknk.
For American readers and Todger’s parents, a Todger is British slang for a penis, a knob, a bellend. you get the idea. The other idea is that if Todger took Chrisine’s name, he’d be Todger Nicklaus.
Posted: 15th, December 2020 | In: Sports, Strange But True | Comment
Namibia elects Adolph Hitler
Old campaigners and neo-voters will be disappointed to learn that Adolf Hitler has no plans for world domination. Adolf Hitler Uunona, newly elected to represent the Ompundja constituency in the former German colony of Namibia, tells Bild his politics has “nothing to do” with Nazi ideology.
Hard cheese, indeed, on those hearing the news of Adolph Hilter’s victory and thought it the right moment to emerge from their Brazilian hideaways, Austrian bier kellars and, well, Switzerland to march again. (Not that they ever hid – more than half of the leadership of the West German Justice Ministry were former members of the Nazi party, including dozens of former paramilitary SA members.)
Mr Uunona says his father had named him after the Nazi leader, but said “he probably didn’t understand what Adolf Hitler stood for. As a child I saw it as a totally normal name. It wasn’t until I was growing up that I realised: This man wanted to subjugate the whole world. I have nothing to do with any of these things.”
Posted: 4th, December 2020 | In: News, Politicians, Strange But True | Comment
The Gender Pay Gash
In the Times, talk turns to the gender pay gash, sorry, gap:
If you thought the days of the unreconstructed male needing to rule the financial roost in a marriage were long gone, it may be time to think again.
New research has found that husbands feel a thrill if a pay rise widens the gap between their earnings and those of their lower-paid wives — but women get no such kick if the roles are reversed.
The stereotype of the male breadwinner may still be “bigger than we give credit for”, said Vanessa Gash, a sociologist who co-authored the study of views of income by gender.
Spotter: The Times
Posted: 23rd, November 2020 | In: Broadsheets, Money, News | Comment
Police arrest Nick Gear for suspected burglary
To New Zealand, where police have arrested a suspected burglar. Stuff reports;
Nicholas John Gear, 31, appeared at Nelson District Court on Monday on a charge of receiving stolen property.
Yep – Nick Gear.
Posted: 5th, November 2020 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Bank wants children for its ‘WANK Coloring contest’
To Japan, where the Nishi-Nippon City Bank invited children in Nagasaki. to colour in the bank’s mascot. Just add come colours to Wank The Dog.
From the bank’s website:
The popular event “Wank Coloring Contest” , which was held at the West Japan City Bank last year and attracted more than 2,000 works , is coming to the city of Nagasaki this year! Whether you are familiar with Wank or not , be sure to wield your arm for a gorgeous prize !
The contest will be judged by Groovevisions, who created the “timeless” Wank The Dog. Entries are limited to one WANK per person.
Posted: 5th, November 2020 | In: Key Posts, Money, Strange But True | Comment
Major Wank investigates severed penis
To Eastern Carolina, where Victoria Frabutt, of Newport, has been charged with malicious castration. She is accused of using pair of rose pruners to separate James Frabutt from “his favorite part of himself”.
Having mentioned fornication as possible trigger for the purning, Mrs Frabutt was asked by 911 if there was much blood. “Oh no,”she replied. “Like I said, I couldn’t even get enough blood to make the sign of the cross, or write sinner, or anything like that.”
The bellend was located and put on ice. It may yet be reunited with the victim.
But the choicest cut from this story is not found in the icebox, rather in the name of the investigating officer. Ladies and gentlemen, we give you Major Jason Wank.
Major Wank.
Posted: 13th, September 2019 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comment
Terry Butcher on England: ‘surgical .. incisive and deadly’
Former England stalwart Terry Butcher’s love for football is medicine’s loss. After England beat Spain 3-2, Butcher took to twitter:
When surgery is “incisive and deadly”, it’s more akin to murder.
As Butcher falls victim to nominative determinism, here he is in happier times:
Copper called Pyle arrests woman for slapping his bum
She was only “copping a feel” puns the Sun in its take on Inspector Owen Pyle, 28, who arrested a woman at the Notting Hill Carnival for “patting” him on the bum. Yeah, this is story about a man called Pyle’s arse. Oh, nominative determinism.
Having nicked the “boozy reveller”, Pyle did as all police must and took to twitter. “I didn’t come to work to be sexually assaulted while doing my job,” he tweeted. That kind of behaviour is unacceptable.” To say nothing of it being illegal, which his tweet didn’t. The paper says the Met Police have not said if the woman “faces action”.
But over in the Mail, Pyle is repotted as having said the women was arrested for being drunk and disorderly – which is not the same as being arrested for “patting”. She was issued with a dispersal order banning her from the carnival.
Scotland Yard has issued a statement:
“At 21:45hrs on Monday, 27 August a 26-year-old woman was arrested on suspicion of being drunk and disorderly in Westbourne Park Road, W2.
“She was taken to a central London police station, where she was issued a dispersal order requiring her to leave the Carnival footprint.”
The Carnival what?
Former Arsenal star sent off as life imitates Wotsits
Referee Dean Hulme asked former Arsenal player Sanchez Watt for his name. Watt, playing for Hemel Hempstead Town in a National League South game against East Thurrock United was going into the ref’s book.
“Watt,” said the 27-year-old. Hulme believed he was saying “what?” and sent him off for dissent. The card was soon rescinded.
“It was a human error,” Hemel Hempstead chairman Dave Boggins told BBC Sport. “The referee was man enough to rectify it. I think everybody found it amusing afterwards – including the referee. He came into the boardroom after the game and explained how he had made the mistake. He was very apologetic and saw the funny side of it. He was a good ref on the night to be fair to him.”
Watt a Wally:
Posted: 7th, March 2018 | In: Arsenal, News, Sports | Comment
Unemployment now! Women rejoice as all F1 babes are sacked
F1 will no longer feature female models – Grid Girls – in the pits. Women won’t be in the cars, either. That tradition stays. Says Sean Bratches, managing director of commercial operations:
“While the practice of employing grid girls has been a staple of Formula 1 grands prix for decades, we feel this custom does not resonate with our brand values and clearly is at odds with modern day societal norms.
“We don’t believe the practice is appropriate or relevant to Formula 1 and its fans, old and new, across the world.”
The BBC spoke with one of the newly sacked: Charlotte Gash:
“It’s upsetting and I’m rather disgusted that F1 have given in to the minority to be politically correct…. I know the grid girls are there to look pretty when they’re out on the grid but my role was interacting with the crowd and we were there as an advertisement for the sponsors. We love doing it we don’t want it taken away from us.”
Charlotte Gash, there.
Men, start your engines…
Posted: 31st, January 2018 | In: Sports, TV & Radio | Comment
Noel Gallagher on hating Christmas
Noel Gallagher hates Christmas. Well, I guess if you’re called Noel you might well try to break free of nominative determinism. He does protest a lot…
Posted: 24th, December 2017 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Man’s vanity plate banned for being offensive to women
Lorne Grabher is the victim of bureaucrats who saw his surname and thought him guilty of offence causing. Nova Scotia’s Registrar of Motor Vehicles banned Mr Grabher’s personalised number plate – ‘GRABHER’ – on the grounds that it could be “misinterpreted as a socially unacceptable slogan”.
Worse, he could have ben mistaken for the American President.
Mr Grabher protested. “The name on the plate was my last name ‘Grabher’ and has been in the family for over 25 years,” he wrote on Facebook. “This plate changed hands within the family three times with no issue but because one complaint was lodged Ms. Director of Road Safety used her authority to cancel my plate. Where does it state that my last name is considered a ‘slogan’ in the Motor Vehicle Act?”
The Department of Transportation told CBS the plate “some individuals interpret [GRABHER] as misogynistic and promoting violence against women. With no way to denote that it is a family name on the plate, the department determined it was in the public’s best interest to remove it from circulation.”
Might it also be wise to remove Mr Grabher from society lest he adhere to the cruse of nominative determinism, by which a person’s destiny is shaped by their name?
Incidentally, the man in charge iof Nova Scotia’s transport is Mark Furey. Approach with caution.
Posted: 26th, March 2017 | In: Strange But True | Comment
After 34 years Stalin resigns as party’s youth wing leader
New from India to warm the cockles. The Hindu reports on a severe bout of nominative determinism:
DMK’s working president M.K. Stalin has stepped down as the youth wing secretary of the party after holding the post for 34 years. Former Minister and three-time MLA Vellakkoil M.P. Saminathan has been appointed as the youth wing secretary.
A mere 34 years as Dravidian Progress Federation’s youth win leader.
Posted: 6th, January 2017 | In: Politicians | Comment
Kids find something funny about Miss Butt in London school
We are at a loss. Cultural imperialism is rife. The Sun reports on “mum” Priscilla Terumalai, who was “hauled” into Mayville Primary School in Leytonstone, East London, to explain why her 5-year-old daughter and her classmates had been giggling at their teacher: Miss Butt. For some reason, the figurative blighters found the name funny.
Indeed, dear reader, this is grim news. Miss Bottom, Miss Gluteus Maximus or Miss Arse would all be more suited to triggering laughter at a traditional British school. Miss Butt is so Americanised. It can’t be long before the kids are finding Miss Booty-Call hilarious.
Anyhow, Priscilla says the school is unhappy that Miss Butt was the butt of the kids’ laughter and may now move her children Annalise and Destiny to… Yes, Destiny.
Stop that! Stop that laughing. Stop it now!
PS: the local newspaper began its report: “A MOTHER says she feels ‘intimidated’ by a school after a teacher became the butt of her daughter’s humour.”
Free speech. No butts.
Posted: 1st, December 2016 | In: Reviews, Strange But True, Tabloids | Comment
Butt Fuchs: the backbone of Germany’s Olympic hockey team
Obviously, it would be hugely childish & wrong to laugh at Linus & Florian, the backbone of Germany’s hockey team, aka Butt and Fuchs:
Spotter: Ruth Davidson
Man named Mr Gambles has won lottery for the second time using the same numbers
To Chicago in search of nominative determinism. We find Larry Gambles. Mr Gambles just won a $1,050,000 Lucky Day Lotto jackpot prize. He says: “Nine years ago, I won $50,000 playing the numbers from the jerseys of my high school basketball team. I’ve been playing the same numbers ever since. I can’t believe they paid off again.”
Mr S. Tony Broke will be in touch.
Posted: 25th, June 2016 | In: Money, Reviews, Strange But True | Comment
Nominative determinism and Brexit news from Oliver Imhof
Is this further proof that the media hires people based on their names? More nominative determinism from Oliver Imhof:
Black Depression: Un-Nooh in nominative determinism break horror
Missed Un
At the UK Snooker Championship a case of nominative determinism. The player has only the black to pot to make a maximum 147 break and pocket £44,000 in prize money.
He misses. His name? It’s Un-Nooh – aka Un-Noooooooooooooooooooh!
Spotter: Mike Marshall
Posted: 3rd, December 2015 | In: Reviews, Strange But True | Comment
Mr Phuc Dat Bich ‘banned from Facebook’
An exasperated Vietnamese-Australian man has shared a photo of his passport to prove his name really is Phuc Dat Bich after he was banned from Facebook several times.
Dats Phuced Up
Mr Phuc Dat Bich, 23, says “nobody seems to believe me when I say that my full legal name is how you see it… I’ve been accused of using a false and misleading name, which I find very offensive. Is it because I’m Asian? Is it?”
Phuc Dat Bich says his Facebook account had been “shut down multiple times” with demands that he “change my name to my ‘real’ name”.
Mr Phuc works in IT, apparently. He might be known as Mr Phuc IT.
As for the story, we’re says: it’s a hoax, right?
Posted: 22nd, November 2015 | In: Reviews, Strange But True | Comment (1)
Dog named Trigger shoots owner
To Indiana, where local brains’ trust rep Allie Carter, 25, is out hunting waterfowl. She puts down her 12-gauge shotgun. Trigger her gun dog Labrador steps on the weapon, and she’s shot in the foot.
No birds were hurt but a few got belly pains from laughing.
Carter is now on the mend.
Posted: 28th, October 2015 | In: Reviews, Strange But True | Comment
Indiana Jones arrested after high-speed chase
Indiana Z. Jones of Rushville, New York, was pulled over by police. Rather than leaving the vehicle, Indy put his foot down. Police gave chase. Other police up ahead tossed down “stop sticks” that blew his tyres.
Jones, 21, was charged with unlawfully fleeing a police officer, obstructing governmental administration, reckless operation, speeding, speed not reasonable and prudent, failure to comply with a lawful order, failure to keep right, moving from lane unsafely, driving an uninspected and unregistered vehicles, improper licence plates, driving without insurance and multiple vehicular equipment infractions.
In his defence he cite nominative determinism: Indiana Jones alway runs.
Posted: 28th, October 2015 | In: Reviews, Strange But True | Comment
Tiffany White-Wine saw red: woman arrested for alleged drunken attack
Nominative Determinism Watch spots 29-year-old Michigan woman Tiffany B. White-Wine. She’s been charged with assaulting her roommate.
White-Wine had been drinking before she saw red.
Posted: 1st, September 2015 | In: Reviews, Strange But True | Comment
Daily Telegraph’s ‘Madison Marriage’ reports on Ashley Madison hacking scandal
The Daily Telegraph continues to employ writers on the value of their name alone, witnessed by the paper’s story that millions of knobs trying to arrange extra-marital sex via the Ashley Madison website have been found out..
Madison Marriage reports:
