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Nominative Determinism

Posts Tagged ‘Nominative Determinism’

Woman called Wale imprisoned for having too-loud sex

Loud sex court
Gemma Wale, of Small Heath, Birmingham, has been sent to prison of being too noisy during sex. Wale – and how’s that for nominative determinism? – was handed a two-week prison sentence for breaching an earlier court order banning her from “screaming and shouting whilst having sex” at a “level of noise” which annoyed a neighbour.
Judge Emma Kelly revealed that Wale has a boyfriend called Wayne.
Spotter

Posted: 2nd, June 2015 | In: Strange But True | Comment


You’ll never believe what the child who only eats Petit-Filous is called

Emilie-Lea petit-filousThe Daily Mail’s story on the four-year-old girl who only eats yoghurt is a disappointment. The child from Beaconsfield, Buckinghamshire, will only eat strawberry Petit-Filous. She eats 30 pots of the stuff every day. If given any other make of yoghurt, she “bursts into tears”. She “becomes hysterical” when offered solid food.

All good stuff that other parents can judge, mock and sink their teeth into.

But our beef is with the Mail because the child who only eats cheesy yoghurts is called – get this – Emilie-Lea. Yeah, as in Dairy Lea. C,mon, Daily Mail, sort your headlines out:

 

Posted: 31st, March 2015 | In: Strange But True | Comment


The greatest news pun ever: Jilted Jun and one Rong don’t make it right

Jun Wu Rong

 

To China, for what must be the greatest news pun of the century.

The story involves Wu Hsia, 21, his ex-girlfriend Jun Tang, 20, and his new lover Rong Tsao, 22.

Jilted Jun said that Rong was a moron. Wu should be with her. Jilted Jun went on and on and on. She wanted to woo Wu.

Wu has doubts. So. He thought it a good idea to meet both the women. The rendevous would take place in a park by a river.

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Posted: 20th, March 2015 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment


Basketball player with sexually suggestive name sees it used over and over

 Guilherme Carabagiale Fuck
To Medicine Hat, Alberta, Canada, wher the local Medican Hat News has been reporting on Medicine Hat College Rattlers men’s basketball player Guilherme Carabagiale Fuck.
Mr F is a Brazilian of German heritage.

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Posted: 20th, March 2015 | In: Sports, Strange But True | Comment


Nominative determinism: meet ISIS ‘apologist’ Furkan Derya

Furkan Derya

The Australian Daily Telegraph calls Furkan Derya.

Tim Blair’s story “Jihadi Bilardi spreading the hate in his own way” focused on the Australian teenager who relocated his angst to ISIS, one Jake Bilardi.

Bilardi, who died in a suicide bombing, was discussed by former Hume Islamic Youth Centre worker Furkan Derya in a Fairfax article. Blair uses Derya’s quote in his column. He adds an aside.

You can use it if you like. We double derya.

Spotter: @chrisdeerin

Posted: 16th, March 2015 | In: Reviews | Comment


Church school busts 11-year-old for wearing a ‘Zlatan’ ponytail like a junkie

ponytail

 

A spot of nominative determinism now, readers, as we spot Joe Head, 11, whose was rusticated for wearing his hair in a short ponytail in tribute to Swedish footballer Zlatan Ibrahimović. Young Head’s school, Pope Paul Catholic Primary in Potters Bar, Hertfordshire, wrote to his parents. The letter called the hairstyle “unsuitable” and “associated with drug-taking”.

 

 

Zlatan+Ibrahimovic

 

The letter was from the headmistress, Helen Lines.

Joe’s Mum, Mandy Head tells the media:

“I became upset that she could associate drug-taking and my son in the same letter and it became offensive. I’m not aware of any rules for hair at the school. We will discuss it with them, but they didn’t have to add drug-taking into the letter.”

 

zlatan ponytail letter

 

Joe’s error seems to have been in picking which sporting hero to emulate. If you really wants to be associated with drugs, we’d suggest cool kids eschew the blameless Zlatan and aim higher, perhaps piling their mop on top of their heads and spraying it bullet hard.

 

hair

 

Posted: 1st, March 2015 | In: Sports, Strange But True | Comment


Phuc Kieu: ‘I Was Framed!’ And he WAS!

Phuc Kieu was framed! Jeremy Michell Foster made it iup. Phuc Kieu is innocent! Phuc Phew!

 

Phuc Kieu

 

Spotter:   

Posted: 27th, November 2014 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Nominative Determinism: Mr Phuc Kieu Arrested For Sex Crimes

Phuc-Kieu

 

Nominative determinism of the day is Florida resident Phuc Kieu, 58.

Mr Phuc Kieu was watching gay pornography on a portable DVD player in his Honda Civic on Sunday afternoon. It is alleged he pulled a male passer-by into the vehicle, straddled the 21-year-old and attempted to rip his clothes off.

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Posted: 26th, November 2014 | In: Strange But True | Comment (1)


Crystal Metheney Is Florida’s Woman Of The Year

metheny crystal 1

TO Florida, where the State’s new Woman of the Year has been arrested in May for shooting a missile into a vehicle.

Her name?

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Posted: 15th, June 2014 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Nominative Determinism: Nick Childs Reports For BBC On The Nigerian Schoolgirl Kidnappings

NOMINATIVE determinism: the BBC’s reporter on the kidnapping of over 200 Nigerian girls by Islamist nutjobs is called… NICK CHILDS.

 

nick childs

 

How did you get the job, Nick?

 

 

Posted: 15th, May 2014 | In: Reviews, Strange But True | Comment


Nominative Determinism: Sergeant Pidcock Nabs A Flasher Called Popdick

nominative determinism

 

 

IT’S a Nominative Determinism knob-off in Canada, where and Ottawa man has been arrested for for indecent exposure.

Donald Popadick, 62, has been  Charged with Indecent Act and Mischief.

News of the arrests was broken on twitter by Ottawa Police Sgt. Iain Pidcock.

 

Such are the facts…

Spotter: National Post

Posted: 30th, April 2014 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Nominative Determinism: Edward Cocaine Arrested On A Drugs Charge

edward cocaine
NOMINATIVE Determinism: An occasional look at names that describe the named. The Florida court calls drug possession suspect Edward Cocaine.
“What?” asks County Judge John “Jay” Hurley.

“My last name is Cocaine,” says Edward Cocaine.

“You know, I’d thought I’d seen it all,” says Hurley. “How many times have the police told you to step out of the car during your life?” 
“Just about every time I get pulled over,” replies a jovial Mr Cocaine. “My great-grandparents came over here from Greece and they changed it. That was like in the 1920s.”
The aded irony is that Mr Cocaine may not be able to afford Cocaine, he having been arrested on Tuesday for possessing Xanax.


YouTube link.

Posted: 19th, April 2014 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Woman Changes Name To Sexy Crabtree

sexy

 

RANEA Crabtree of Pataskala, Ohio, is a keen follower of nominative determinism, the idea that your surname can shape your destiny.

Ranea is not her actual first name. It’s not the one her parents gave her. They called her Sheila. She says: “I absolutely hate it. I think it’s really ugly.”

You can’t chose your parents, but you can choose your name. So. She uses her middle name. Sheila became Ranea.

 

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Posted: 29th, January 2014 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Nominative Determinism: The World’s 8th Richest Man Is Called Ka-Shing

TRUE fact: The 8th richest man in the world is called Ka-Shing. Excellent nominative determinism:

Screen shot 2014-01-20 at 17.28.13

Posted: 20th, January 2014 | In: Money, Strange But True | Comment


Funny Names Watch: Professor Chew Shit Fun

THE National Institute of Education, Nanyang Technological University (NIE/NTU), Singapore, introduces Associate Professor Chew Shit Fun.

 

chew shit fun

Posted: 16th, January 2014 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Eric Pickles’ Biscuits

ERIC Pickles. It’s nominative determinism, no? Pickles. What odds the top Tory would share a name with a mainstay of the chip shop?

pickles

 

The story is that the MP’s Department for Communities and Local Government splurged £40,000 on serving biscuits at meetings.

“The figure was for part of our hospitality budget. When we have meetings, if people come from a long distance we’ll give them tea and biscuits. The rise comes down to one of my fine civil servants putting the wrong thing in the wrong column. It is still a 94 per cent reduction though compared to Labour’s spending in the department. I’m not playing a jammie dodger here. I even bring in my own tea bags to work. I wouldn’t accept anything from another person.”

What about advice, would you accept that?

Posted: 27th, November 2013 | In: Politicians | Comment


Nominative determinism: Calum Wrist is a TV onanist

DID you catch Porn on the Brain, Channel’s 4’s insight into the effect smut has on the human head? Did you see the teenager who said he was addicted to online porn? You know… Calum Wrist.

More nominative determinism when we find it:

callum wrist

Posted: 3rd, October 2013 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Nominative determinism: Janice ‘Lokelani’ Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele fights the licence police

Janice Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele

JANICE “Lokelani” Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele’s (nee Worth) name won’t fit on her driving licence.

Hawaii government computer systems say ‘no’. Next year, the plan is that with advances in computing Jan’s name will fit on her driving licence and ID card. But for now, her name has been changed to comply with the 35 character limit. Says she:

“No-one ever gets away with chopping my name without hearing about it… The policeman looked at my licence and saw I had no first name. I told him it is not my fault that my licence and state ID are not correct and I am trying to get it corrected. He then told me ‘Well, you can always change your name back to your maiden name.’ This hurt my heart. Over the last 22 years I have seen… the culture of Hawaii being trampled upon and this policeman treated my name as if it was mumbo-jumbo.”

Mumbo-Jumo would fit.

Ms Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele said the policeman upset her because he was being “disrespectful of the Hawaiian people”.

Really? All of them?

Ms Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele – who married into the name in 1992 –  said that her name had many layers of meanings including “one who would stand up and get people to focus in one direction when there was chaos and confusion, and help them emerge from disorder”.

More nominative determinism every week. It’s more than her life’s worth…

Posted: 15th, September 2013 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Pet cats eat Hampshire woman called Mrs Veal

veal chicken

NOMINATIVE determinism watch: the woman eaten by her own cats was called…Janet Veal.

Mrs Veal died at her home in Ringwood, Hampshire. No-one noticed until the post began to build up. A policeman found the 56-year-old’s body on the kitchen floor, her body “gnawed and eaten” by her pet cats still alive. The one dog in the home was also dead.

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Posted: 14th, August 2013 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Nike Jordan arrested for barging into a woman’s home and claiming to be Jesus

Nike Jordan Abila

NAME of the day belongs to man suspected of barging into a female stranger’s home, shaking her and telling her she was a sinner who needed to be saved. The man was chased away by the woman’s four Huskies, Great Dane and Chihuahua.

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Posted: 30th, July 2013 | In: Strange But True | Comment


Mr Buss invents and rides the bubble wrap bike

bubble wrap bike

 

WITH a name that suggests a life on the move, Eric Buss has invented the Bubble Wrap Bike. Jealous, much?

Posted: 27th, July 2013 | In: Technology | Comment (1)


The 22 most unusual names in American political history

THE 22 most unusual, suggestive and bizarre names in American political history:

govnor-teats-1858-1926

Image 1 of 22

Govnor teats - mother of the nation

Spotter: The Strangest Names In American Political History

Posted: 11th, July 2013 | In: Flashback, Politicians | Comment (1)


Fist fight in church after family save pew seats

church fight

CHRUCH is not all about belting out the first lines to All Things Bright And Beautiful and trying to pray the kids into a Church school. It’s about fighting the good fight.

To Utah’s Meadows Ward, where at The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for a missionary farewell and a baby blessing. A family there to see the blessing were sat in a pew. The parents were reserving seats for other family members. That did not included Wayne Dodge, 51. He sat in one of the reserved seats. Things were said.

Dodge and a man in the family group took it outside.

Says Weber County Sheriff’s Lt. Mark Lowther:

“(Dodge) ended up throwing a couple of punches and striking this individual. He had some blood coming from his face, so he went inside the church to clean up. And when he exited the church, (Dodge) was in his car. I guess there was another confrontation.”

After which Dodge (and what price nominative determinism?) hit the man with his vehicle.

“Ultimately, the victim ended up on the hood of the car. [Dodge] exited the vehicle and some other people that attended the church service restrained him. And I don’t know how, but he ultimately ended up in the bishop’s office until law enforcement arrived.”

Dodge was arrested.

 

Posted: 4th, July 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment


Teenager carves name into ancient Egyptian Relic

graffiti relic

ON a holiday to Egypt with his family from Nanjing, China, the 15-year-old boy scratched “Ding Jinhao was here” on a 3,500-year-old Luxor relic, reports Weibo

Yep. Ding left his mark. What price nominative determinism?

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Posted: 30th, May 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment