Anorak

north korea

Posts Tagged ‘north korea’

Kim Jong-il Is Back In His High Heels

KIM Jong-il is on the up. Following Mr Kim’s stroke in 2008, Anorak’s favourite despot in a hat removed his stacked heels and opted for flats. Now he’s stepped into a new pair of 1-inch heels.

The Korean news organ Joonang Daily reports:

Medical experts believed at that time that he had lost the use of his left hand, as it was always held stiffly by his side or covered with a glove.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 19th, May 2011 | In: Politicians | Comments (2)


North Korea Tells Locals To Watch Their Pets For Earthquakes

NORTH Koreans are being advised to stock up on pets to see them through the hard times should an earthquake strike Kim Jong-Il’s fiefdom. These creatures are not to eat, rather they are to warn the local of impending doom.

The Rodong Sinmun newspaper says residents should “watch out for dogs barking incessantly, cattle refusing to eat or horses constantly trying to storm out of stables“.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 21st, March 2011 | In: Reviews | Comments (2)


North Korean Soldiers Starving: Army to March On Kim Jong-eun’s Stomach

IN North Korea, the people are starving. Not all of the mind. Kim Jong-Il’s son Kim Jong-eun has been fattened up as an emergency source of protein for the hungry.

Yonhap reports on the Paek Hwa-seong, who slipped over to the boarder to south Korean by disguising himself as a twig:

“I was 155 centimeters high and weighed 42 kilograms when I entered the military, but my weight was reduced to 31 kilograms in two years. My hair almost fell out after turning yellow and I was bony.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 28th, February 2011 | In: Politicians | Comment


Kim Jong-Un Wears Crown Of Best Otter Fur: North Korea Rejoices

KIM Jong-un (aka Kim Jong good un, aka Kim Jong wrong un) is Kim Jong-il’s son. And little Kim is wearing the crown of power, a furry driving hat dad has made famous.

South Korean newspaper Chosun Ilbo reprots on Preserving the Juche Character and National Character of the Revolution Hat:

A former senior North Korean official identified as Choi, who has defected to South Korea, said, “The hat was customized by a foreign master craftsman using top-quality otter fur. It’s an unwritten rule that nobody else can wear such a hat, so if Kim Jong-un is also wearing one, it means he has now reached almost the same status as his father.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 31st, January 2011 | In: Politicians | Comment


North Korea’s Crap Revolution Gathers Strength As People Stockpile Human Excrement

NORTH Korea’s Crap Revolution is taking shape. After the Skid of Change, according to several recent defectors the items most in demand market are: Skinny jeans, porn films and human excrement.

kim_jong-il_24

Image 1 of 64

Spotter: NYPost

Posted: 30th, December 2010 | In: Politicians | Comment


Koreas Gear Up For The War Of The Christmas Tree: Star Or Angel?

NORTH Korea and South Korea are gearing up for the Christmas Tree war. Star of angel? Come on! The clock is ticking:

South Korea has lit a massive steel Christmas tree that overlooks the world’s most heavily armed border and is within sight of North Korea, prompting threats of attack from the communist state …

North Korea, officially atheist and with only a handful of sanctioned churches in Pyongyang with services for foreigners, warned that lighting the tree would constitute a “dangerous, rash act” with the potential to trigger a war.

kim_jong-il_24

Image 1 of 64

Posted: 23rd, December 2010 | In: Politicians | Comment


Chinese Dog Farmers Seek To Unify South And North Korean Meat Markets

CAN Ha Wenjin restore good diplomatic relations between China and North Korea? The Wikileaks leaks say that Chinese politicos seeking to get close to American politicos say that North Korea is a “spoiled child”. Well, so says the US politico under pressure to show how much progress he’s making in his despatches back to base.

The talk is of severed links between the Mr Kim’s North and big China. But Anorak has news of a secret North Korean cable (we intercepted Carrier Cockroach No. 555321 over Hong Kong) that says North Korea is delighted with the subterfuge and plot Dupe Imperialist Yankees is going well. Well, so says Our Man in Kowloon from his vacuum cleaner shop.

But what’s this got to do with Ha Wenkon? Well, she’s the Chinese women who’s adopted 1,500 stray dogs. She’s sold all her worldly good to fund the unofficial dog rescue centre in Tangquan County, Nanjing.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 30th, November 2010 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comment


Sarah Palin Says North Koreans Are Allies And So Are The Cybermen

SARAH Palin, the White Out Obama, says, “Obviously we’ve got to stand with our North Korean allies.”

This is what comes of living so close to Russia – you start thinking you’re one of them. Palin may like to consult her namesake Michael Palin for advice on travel matters and discover that North Koreans are the enemy, much like the Cybermen…

Here’s Mr Kim – he makes no gaffes, for sure:

kim_jong-il_24

Image 1 of 64

Posted: 25th, November 2010 | In: Politicians | Comments (3)


Kim Jong-Il’s Many Names And Anti-US Propaganda Posters

NORTH Korea is not a confident country. Before a collection of North Korean propaganda posters that all the US to be bloodthirsty sadists, a look at Wikipedia’s list of all the titles Supreme Bouffant Kim Jong-il has garnered:

Superior Person
Sun of Communist Future
Highest Incarnation of the Revolutionary Comradely Love
Beloved and Respected General
Invincible and Iron-Willed Commander
World’s Leader of The 21st century
Glorious General, Who Descended From Heaven

(Spotter: @matthiasrascher; via Kottke)

north-korean-1

Image 1 of 9

Posted: 4th, November 2010 | In: Politicians | Comment


What Really Happened To North Korea’s World Cup Coach

WHEN North Korea’s World Cup team lost 1-2 to Brazil in their opening rubber, the news was positive and hopeful:

Kim Yong Gyu, 45, a researcher of the Academy of Sports Science, said the strong mental power displayed by the Korean footballers in the first match with Brazil, which won the World Cup five times, betokens good results of the Korean team in other matches.

No other reports appeared on the North Korean news service. The World Cup ended on that day – before the lads lost 7-0 to Portugal and went down 0-3 to the mighty Ivory Coast.

North Korea’s World Cup Fans Are Chinese: NSFW

The team then got together at the auditorium at the Working People’s Culture Palace in North Korea and were subjected to a “grand debate” in which it was discussed how they had let down the “ideological struggle”.

It’s a great panel show, a kind of Question of Sport with bite. In the What Happens Next? round, head coach Kim Jong Hun appears before a live studio audience of 400 sports fans from the Ministry of Sports, Pyongyang University, Kim Il Sung University, and Kim Hyong Jik School of Education.

Kim Jung Hun is accused of “betraying the Young Gen. Kim Jong Un,” North Korean leader Kim Jong Il’s anointed heir.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 31st, July 2010 | In: Sports | Comment


Kim Jong-Il’s Hummingbird Quartet Is North Korean Kids Playing Big Guitars

WHAT news of entertainment in North Korea. With that nation’s football team kicking their heels – and whatever else – in the demarcation zone following glorious World Cup failure, we look at the “Hummingbird Prophecy” four-piece children’s guitar band. (Click on image for cover notes.)

North Korea’s World Cup Fans Are Chinese: NSFW

Kim Jong Il Is Ready

Take them away , Kim Jong-Il:

Image Spotter: AnoraKaren

Posted: 11th, July 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


In Pictures: North Korea Beat Portugal 0-8 As Kim Il Ronaldo Runs Riot

WORLD CUP: TO the people of the DPRK we say hearty congratulations as the Portuguese anti-Japanese revolutionary martyrs score seven goals on the occasion of the 46th anniversary of General Secretary Kim Jong Il’s start of work at the Central Committee of the Workers’ Party of Korea. Let this be the start of ongoing and fruitful relations between Portugal and the DPRK for millennia. Tonight a parade by the National Council for the Promotion of the Reunification by Federal Pomade, the Solidarity for 5-4-1 and the People’s Solidarity for the Repeal of the “National Security Law”, aka Ronaldo’s cha-cha.

NOTE: teh e game ended 7-0 but Kim Jong-Il whas awarded the Porgue another goal for expressing full support for the just cause of the Korean people.

9059466

Image 1 of 9

Posted: 21st, June 2010 | In: Sports | Comment


World Cup Photos: North Korea Beat Brazil 1-2

WELL done North Korea for beating Brazil 1-2 in the World Cup. Irrespective of ideology, ism and system, North Korea played with strength that has seen the great nation win the World Cup 17 times. Brazil saluted the North Koreans sense of skill and sublime unity by being repelled by the brave and fearless defenders. All pictures of the game will follow (that do, Mr Kim?)…

9030895_0

Image 1 of 13

Posted: 16th, June 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment (1)


North Korea Saves Kim Jong-Il’s Life And Hair With Secret Elixir

GREAT happenings and noble news from North Korea where a drink that can reverse aging has been created – and just in time to preserve the wonderful life of glorious leader Mr Kim Jong-Il.

The tincture is a marvel:

“It, with effects of both preventive and curative treatment, helps improve mental and retentive faculties by multiplying brain cells.”

Better than the Pride of Pyongyang – goes great with live fish!

“It also protects skin from wrinkles and black spots and prevents such geriatric diseases as cerebral haemorrhage, myocardium and brain infarction by removing acid effete matters in time.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 5th, June 2010 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)


Bill Clinton Hunts For Kim Jong-il

kim-il-jong-bill-clintonWHERE is Kim Jong-Il? Continuing Anorak’s occasional game, Bill Clinton journeys to North Korean to hunt for Mr Kim.

Bill Clinton has met North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il in an effort to free US journalists Laura Ling and Euna Lee, each sentenced to 12 years of hard labour for illegal entry and fomenting clumnies to Mr Kim’s No.1 Gnome Emporium.

Bill hopes to secure the release of the two women and, my right, their undying love and gratitude.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 4th, August 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)


An Advert For North Korea’s Pride of Pyongyang Beer Advert

beer-north-koreaTO North Korea, wher those who have not already eaten their TVs are rejoicing to an advert for “Pride of Pyongyang“- the beer that will help ease stress.

“It represents the new look of Pyongyang.”

“It will be a familiar part of our lives.”

“Great with live fish.”

Says full pint Kim Jong-il:

“Watching good quality beer coming out in an uninterrupted flow for a long while, he noted with great pleasure that it has now become possible to supply more fresh beer to people in all seasons.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 3rd, July 2009 | In: Money | Comment


Al Gore’s Laura Ling And Euna Lee Get 12 Years

al-gore-laura-ling-and-euna-leeLAURA Ling and Euna Lee, reporters for Al Gore’s TV Current, have been found guilty of illegal entry into north Korea from China and sentenced to 12 years hard labour.

Al Gore makes no comment.

Ling and Lee were reporting on the trafficking of North Korean women. Or perhps they wanted to gain access to north Korea and see if the land of the midday blackout points the way ahead for climate change activists.

Arthur Bruzzone has more:

There were many comments to my April 21, 2009 post when I criticized Gore for failing to speak out on behalf of his journalists.  Several irate readers assured us that negotiations were occurring behind the scenes.

Then on June 4, 2009 Reuters reported that the U.S. might send former vice president Al Gore to Pyongyang in order to negotiate the release of two American journalists on trial in North Korea for illegal entry.

Too little and too late.

There’s been a virtual news blackout at Gore’s TV Current, his on-line TV station has suppressed readers’ comments, refused to report the story about his own reporters.  TV Current even posted a guard to keep the press out, as reported by the SF Weekly.

Meanwhile, two Al Goreans are looking at how yolk and fear and increase productity to at least three loaves of bread a week…

Spotter: Tim Blair

Posted: 8th, June 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (2)


Iran And North Korea Avert World Cup War

IRAN 0 – North Korea 0. The FT:

He’ll shoot, he’ll score
He’ll eat your labrador
Kim Jonh Il

Football fans the world over love to tell anyone who will listen that their sport is “not just a game” – it means so much more than that.

You dirty northern bastards…

But the clash between North Korea and Iran in Pyongyang on Saturday could be one of those occasions when the cliché actually proves true. A World Cup qualifier between the two remaining members of George W. Bush’s infamous axis of evil – one fresh from a nuclear test, the other accused by some of wanting to conduct its own – sparks all sorts of international intrigue.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 6th, June 2009 | In: Sports | Comment


South Korean Babies Trained To Attack The North With Robot Cars

bomo-babyWHEN North Korea attacks, South Koreans will strap their children to the Bomo – the world first Robot Baby Carriage – and sent them onto battle.

Says the battle brief:

The smart Bomo which tends the baby at the vicinity of the mother gives pleasure and comfort to the baby, and gives the tired young mother and father a moment of leisurely time to enjoy a cup of coffee.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 4th, June 2009 | In: Technology | Comment


Kim Jong-Il Eats Live Fish For His Tea

kim-jong-il-nuclearKIM Il-Jong eats live fish for his tea.

Should there be a nuclear war with north Korea, Anorak can hear the troops singing such a ditty in the trenches.

KIM Jong-Il eats live fish for his tea
He’ll got down in history
Kim Jong-Il eats live fish for his tea
And it makes him feel eel

Alex Peake has more:

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 3rd, June 2009 | In: Politicians | Comments (3)


Peace Czar Barack Obama Talks While North Korea And Iran Carry On Regardless

BARACK Obama – anyone know what he’s going to do over North Korea and Iran?

The Czar Man

President Barack Obama is taking the practice of naming czars to new heights. As Foreign Policy points out, with the selection of “border czar” Alan Bersin, the Obama administration surpassed the Romanovs in its production of czars. It took those old Russkies 300 years to produce 18 czars. It took Obama less than 100 daysKatherine Mangu-Ward

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 25th, May 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)


Australia Prepares For War With North Korea

AUSTRALIA salutes the cause of global independence and immortal contribution to the development of the friendly relations between the Land Of Bonza and North Korea, sworn enemy of the land of the Bonsai.

(Parliamentary Secretary for Early Childhood Education and Child Care) Maxine McKew wants to train toddlers and pre-school children to become political activists.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 14th, April 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)


North Korea Fires ‘Norks’ Over Japan, Reports Mark Stein

MARK Stein spots “norks” over Japan, huge enflamed norks emergeing from bunker in North Korea.

Ha! We laugh at your so-called advances in immortal revolutionary paean technology and unleash our response:

Posted: 7th, April 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment


David Miliband Condemns North Korea With Song

STATEMENT FROM THE FOREIGN SECRETARY

I strongly condemn North Korea’s action in conducting a satellite launch earlier today. This action contributes directly to their ballistic missile programme, and therefore puts North Korea in breach of UNSCR 1718. While Pyongyang continues to pursue a hostile policy towards the rest of the world, it cannot hope to take its rightful place within the international community. I strongly urge North Korea to cease immediately all further missile-related activity and commit to engaging constructively with international partners, in particular through the Six Party Talks process.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 6th, April 2009 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)


Happy New Year Monaco, From North Korea’s Big Kim Il Jong

FURTHER proof that Gary Glitter and General Secretary Kim Jong Il are in cahoots – if not one and the same – as we peruse the North Korean leaders’ list of New Year’s cards recpients.

His supreme and taller-and –yet-more-handsome-than-he-looks-in-pictures leader tells us that cards were sent to:

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 4th, February 2009 | In: Photojournalism, Politicians | Comment