Christmas Gifts: Laptop Steering Wheel Desk By Mobile Office Outsells PS3
CHRISTMAS Gift of the day is the Laptop Steering Wheel Desk by Mobile Office. As Yampster says “this thing will outsell PS3 this Christmas”. And the hamsters.
The Laptop Steering Wheel Desk By Mobile Office is the last word in Laptop steering desks. Buy yours while they’re still legal. Here’s what shoppers are saying:
Posted: 19th, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Man Finds Stable Relationship With Sex Dolls Kelly And Brooke
SEX Dolls. Why? Before we investigate, we bring you the creepiest teaser of the day, from Closer magazine:
“Gordon Griggs couldn’t find a girlfriend – so he bought himself two life-size silicon dolls called Brooke and Kelly”
Any idea who Mr Griggs could be thinking of as he caresses his lovers and has sex with them four times a week?
But what of these sex dolls?
As Jezebel says:
It’s just like a real woman, only with no brain or corresponding ability to reject douchebags.
Airhead I poses for readers of H+ magazine, where in we learn that “Andy…can hold multiple sex positions, be ordered to simulate breathing, perform oral sex acts, have a pulse, be equipped with a g-spot that responds to orgasm, and much, much more.”
Posted: 18th, November 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
In Pictures: Free Jimmy Choo For H&M, In Pastry
JIMMY Choo is London’s most famous cobbler. he is one letter aways from being Jimmy Choos and thus a product of nominative determinism. As it is we wrestle with Jimmy Choo, which should be pronouned as in ‘choux’, the pastry.
Anorak was there to see Jimmy Choux unveil his range for H&M, which is pronounced HAM. The pictures feature Sophie Ellis Bextor, Jameela Jemil, Jade Parfitt and Jasmine Guinness, Amber Le Bon, Ben Grime, Jenni Falconer, Lola Lennox, Tamara Ecclestone, Little Boots, Nicola Roberts, Alexandra Burke and anyone else with two feet after a freebie.
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Posted: 14th, November 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
For Hire: Engrish Teacher To Learn You Grammer
FOR Hire: Engrish Teacher To Learn You Grammer - get him while he’s hot:
Posted: 13th, November 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Zhu Zhu Pets Turn Your Dead Go Go Hamster Into A Thing Of Fun
HOW do you know when a pet hamster is dead? You don’t. They never die. They just become Go Go Pets.
Go Go Pets are on sale in the UK for £10 as Zhu Zhu Pets. A tenner for a dead hamster glued to a toy car sounds steep.
Chunk needs a pal. And Mr Squiggles needs a mate. This is how it is with hamsters. You get one. You end up with hundreds.
Posted: 9th, November 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Disney’s First Black Princess Obama, In Pictures
A YEAR after the election of Barack Obama, Disneyland officially inaugurated its first black princess with the debut of Tiana’s Showboat Jubilee! starring Princess Tiana from the new animated feature, The Princess and The Frog.
Anorak’s Man In A Furry Suit in LA was there:
SINGING and dancing and performing from the Mark Twain riverboat along the Rivers of America and culminating in a second line march into New Orleans Square, the spectacle is, as the daily program, promises, a “toe tappin,’ hand-clappin’ riverboat extravaganza” that veers perilously and surprisingly toward the coonin’ and buffoonin’ of another era and a Showboat of another era.
Posted: 9th, November 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
China’s ‘God’s Hand’ Inflatable Bra Commercial Finds A Use For Your Car’s Cigarette Lighter
KATIE Price is finished. Pamela Anderson has had it. Victoria Beckham can be plugged into the car cigarette lighter. Amy Winehouse is valve away from avoiding the anaesthetic. News reaches us from China of the inflatable bra.
The size of your breasts is now only restricted by gravity and the days’ wind report.
And men, you too can look like Simon Cowell, or like Buster Gonad. Cue the video for ‘God’s Hand’ (which is warm):
Translation:
*Male interpreter*
Is her, Is her, her is her AGAIN! she is the same, just that a breast size is different!
*The girl speaks*
When I go to the office, I adjust to B cup. Pretty in every sense!
When I hit the streets, I adjust to a C cup. I bedazzle all the people around me!
When I party, I adjust to a D cup. Hot and Fiery!
*Man interpreter comes back*
B, C, D THREE DIFFERENT SIZES
Posted: 8th, November 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Why The Royal Mail Rejected Benny Hill
THE Royal Mail has rejected Benny Hill. Old Mr Anorak found Hill more depressing than funny, Although his comedy is evoked at our patron’s Thai ladies’ ping-pong team winter traning camp. Anorak’s Man in LA sees a legend spurned:Posted: 8th, November 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Fisting A Chicken Demonstations In Sainsbury’s
TO Winchester Sainsbury’s, where shoppers can learn how to fist a chicken all this week:
More fisting fun on Anorak TeeVee
Posted: 7th, November 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Belfast Gets Own Monopoly Game: Get Out Of Jail Free Cards All Round
ANORAK was there to see Mark Marrriot, designer of the Monopoly Belfast edition, launch of the popular board game, in Belfast.
The dice are green. Although you can have red, white and blue ones, if you prefer. Title Deeds are NOT proof of ownership, although placing “safe houses” on the land and building big high wall around it can make a powerful argument that it is yours. Hotels are best avoided.
The most expensive spot is the seat of government at Stormont, yours for £400 or the promise of a call centre for a large American conglomerate.
Posted: 6th, November 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Rainbow Dogs Present The Best Novetly Toilet Paper
THANKS to Collonelle toilet tissue you can wipe you backside on a picture of a dog cradling a rainbow.
This is what your excreta deserves, and so do dogs and rainbows. There is no brown in this rainbow. But thanks to Collonelle there will be, and, roughage providing, it should match your chocolate lab.
Find your crock of **** at the end of the rainbow as you look through our toilet paper gallery:
Posted: 4th, November 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Turn Your Cat’s Anus Into A Glitter Ball With Rear Gear
HELP is at hand for those of you who don’t enjoy the rear view of your cat, dog or significant other. With Rear Gear, you can cover up that unsightly opening with a novelty feature.
Turn your cat’s anus into a talking point for all the right reasons: choose from glitter ball – watch the other cats have hours of fun with your feline pal! - smiley face – He likes me; he really likes me! – No.1 ribbon and a sheriff’s badge to catch any arse bandits.
Posted: 1st, November 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Dannii Minogue Turns On Harrods Owner Mohamed Al Fayed’s Lights
Harrods Chairman Mohamed Al Fayed, Dominic aged 10 (surname not given), who is a patient at Great Ormond Street Hospital and Dannii Minogue switch on the Harrods Christmas lights outside Harrods department store in Knightsbridge.
The image just needs a caption… Whatever can they be looking at?
Posted: 30th, October 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Five Things You Never Knew About McDonald’s In Iceland
FIRST Kerry Katona’s face was offed, now McDonald’s has decided to leave Iceland to the Icelanders.
Odd that a land of pure snow and ice should be famous for being linked with the face of own-brand ketchup and being dumped by McDonald’s. But what are the facts? Let’s take a look:
Ambrose Evans-Pritchard explains:
What the company actually said was that it can no longer compete with Icelandic fast-food joints that rely on local produce…
The BBC putts it another way.
McDonald’s is to close its business in Iceland because the country’s financial crisis has made it too expensive to operate its franchise.
Sky News says, “The withdrawal of the golden arches symbolises a sharp fall from economic grace for a nation.” The Consumerist says: “Iceland is so messed up McDonald’s is giving up and going home.”
Such are the facts.
Here are 5 things you never knew about McDonald’s in Iceland:
1. In 2007, nine-year-old Einar Huld became lost in a snowstorm. She was rescued when a man standing on a car seven miles away spotted the luminous yellow cheese slice she had removed from the cheeseburger and stuck to her head.
Posted: 27th, October 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
IN Russia, Nike is big news, catering for anyone and everyone. In this billboard, Nike woos three-legged women and two-legged men who like to dress as women…
Posted: 22nd, October 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Horror In Preston As Asda Shopper finds Chicken’s Head Attached To Chicken’s Body
IN “Chicken head horrified Preston shopper” Matthew Squires brings news to the people of Preston:
A stunned shopper bought a chicken from Preston’s Asda store only to find its head still attached. Helen Kirby, 27, of Thistlecroft in Ingol, was horrified to discover it tucked under the body of the bird.
A chicken’s head? On a chicken? What The Buck-Buck?!
She brought the ‘whole chicken’ from the Asda store at Fulwood and immediately froze it. Because the head was well hidden under the chicken’s body, it was only when she put the bird in the oven to cook that she made what she describes as a “disgusting” discovery.
At least it wasn’t tucked inside the bird. A knife. A slice. Boo!
Anyhow she took her complaint to Asda, who laughed in her face and said that chickens still do come with heads, in the main, because they need them to feed through - although what with injections, heads on chickens may soon becomes useless.
Posted: 22nd, October 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Using Katie Price And Sick Children To Advertise The Bounty Mum Of The Year
BOUNTY, purveyors of the baby hamper given to news mums as an inducement to them buying branded products, have shortlisted Katie Price for their Celebrity Mum Of The Year award.
There is also a Real Mum of the Year 2009, which serves to imply there is something unreal, or fake, about Katie Price and her celebrity mummies.
2007 title holder Katie is going mum-a-mum against these others, who are in no partial order:
Posted: 21st, October 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comments (10) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Tiana Becomes Disney’s First Black Princess
AS America talks about race and race and the need not to talk about race, Disneyland introduces its first black princess.
Our Man in LA pays Princess Tiana a visit:
Posters are up and products are on sale at the park, promoting the animated feature, The Princess and The Frog, and the character Princess Tiana.
Posted: 20th, October 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Indian BT Worker ‘Bombs’ British Customer’s House
BT’S India call centre operation is doing for the British stereotypes of fair play and the ability to patiently queue what Princess Diana did for our stiff upper lip: killing it.
The Mail spots one Allan Wardle, who rang BT after his internet connection crashed, got into row with call centre weoker and later had a technician tell hism that he;d blow up his house.
“Death threat,” says the Mail twice.
“I couldn’t believe what I was hearing,’ said Mr Wardle, 24. ‘I was incensed. I was scared at first and then really angry. I called the police straight away.
“I’m disgusted that something like this can happen with such a respected company. The whole thing has been upsetting. It doesn’t get much worse than someone - a stranger - saying he is going to blow you up.”
It’s every BT caller’s worst nightmare. But what was that about BT being a respected company? Come, come, Mr Wardle, no-one who deals with BT likes BT. The thrill is in the confrontation. Anorak has long suspected BT’s telephony system, in which you press lots of buttons to have your call directed, exists as a challenge to see if you have the stamina for the long road ahead.
Indeed, one Anorak reader tells us that when when pessed in a certain order, the buttons on your keypad sound out the opening bars to “One Finger One Thumb Keep Moving”, the nursery staple and a fataslistic rendition of “Hanging On The Old Barbed Wire“.
Posted: 19th, October 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Kellogg’s To Brand All Corn Flakes With Picture Of A Cock
A SPOT of PR from Kellogg’s, which tells us that it is so concerned about fake cereals that it has developed a laser to toast its company logo on to individual Corn Flakes.
Kellogg’s will try out the process and then - maybe – drops a few branded flakes of cone into each box.
Yeah, really. You buy the cereal and then before coating it in milk spot the outline of a proud cock. You splash on the milk and chomp down knowing that your breakfast is helping a huge American company grow rich. How’s that for satisfying?
Having branded tour conf flakes, Kellogg’s will then seat about labelling your Frosties with a huge demented tiger, Special K (the floor of a budgie’s cage ), Crunchy Nut (a smashed up flapjack) and Bran Flakes (sawdust).
Posted: 14th, October 2009 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
- yampster on Jesus Saves: Virgin Mary Opens Bank
- June on Fiona MacKeown’s Benefits Fraud Linked To Daughter Scarlett’s Rape And Murder
- June on X Factor: The Top Items For Sale In The Jedward Shop
- CC on Fiona MacKeown’s Benefits Fraud Linked To Daughter Scarlett’s Rape And Murder
- June on Fat Kate Moss Is New Face Of Starbucks, With Added Cellulite
