In 1974, Lonely Ladies T-shirts presented “I Dreamt I was Raped by Mick Jagger in my David Bowie T-shirt”. Why was The Rolling Stones frontman wearing his alleged victim’s David Bowie T-shirt? And lest you think this was perverted, the San Francisco outfit let prospective rape victims know that their dream rapist could also be dressed as Elvis, Judy Garland or Boby Dylan…
IN 1989, we, like you, were getting fit with Joanna Rohrback’s Prancercise. As she says:
This video shows the 4 modes of Prancercise.You can visit me at www.prancercise.com where you can learn more about Prancercise: “A springy,rhythmic way of moving forward, similar to a horse’s gait and is ideally induced by elation.” copyright 1989, taken from my book Prancercise:The Art of Physical and Spiritual Excellence, now available to the public for the first time!
GOOD news! Nice Yiddisher boys with braces are on trend at the Royal College of Art graduate fashion show, London.
A model wears designs by Lucie Vincini.
Porcupine faces by Maiko Takeda
Burning sex. Who doesn’t like that?
Women don’t like sex.They only do it for money to go shopping. Not insulting at all.
Your lover doesn’t turn you on so you have to maintain interest by thinking about traffic and bad paintings of Jesus.
She keeps trying to get away but there’s no escaping that gigantic knob.
Is that her mother?
Putting the board in bored.
Has she just seen his genital warts? Or is it yet another advert degrading women?
The JC Penny Hitler kettle. It’s tea-total war*:
* Order now and get a free Eva BRAUN toaster!
IN 1890, Bernulf Clegg wrote asked Oscar Wilde to expand on a line in his preface to The Picture of Dorian Gray: ”All art is quite useless.” Wilde replied:
16, TITE STREET,
My dear Sir
Art is useless because its aim is simply to create a mood. It is not meant to instruct, or to influence action in any way. It is superbly sterile, and the note of its pleasure is sterility. If the contemplation of a work of art is followed by activity of any kind, the work is either of a very second-rate order, or the spectator has failed to realise the complete artistic impression.
A work of art is useless as a flower is useless. A flower blossoms for its own joy. We gain a moment of joy by looking at it. That is all that is to be said about our relations to flowers. Of course man may sell the flower, and so make it useful to him, but this has nothing to do with the flower. It is not part of its essence. It is accidental. It is a misuse. All this is I fear very obscure. But the subject is a long one.
THE Mattel Roller Skating Doll was creepy:
Allan Gray is a South African investment management company.
Our purpose is to help our investors build wealth over the long term and we seek to earn the trust of our clients by providing superior long-term investment performance, outstanding client service and holding ourselves to the highest ethical standards.
FLASHBACK to the breakfasts of yestedday with Kellogg’s Sugar Smacks and “FREE DR Who Badges!” John Pertwee played the BBC time traveller between 1970 and 1974. He drove a jalopy called Bessie.
UNIT was the United Nations Intelligence Taskforce. The Brigadier was its stalwart. Jo Grant was a junior civilian operative for UNIT. The Master was the enemy, naturally.
THE New York Times has news from Gaza:
The French fries arrive soggy, the chicken having long since lost its crunch. A 12-piece bucket goes for about $27 here — more than twice the $11.50 it costs just across the border in Egypt.
And for fast-food delivery, it is anything but fast: it took more than four hours for the KFC meals to arrive here on a recent afternoon from the franchise where they were cooked in El Arish, Egypt, a journey that involved two taxis, an international border, a smuggling tunnel and a young entrepreneur coordinating it all from a small shop here called Yamama — Arabic for pigeon.
“When he went to go pick it up, they brought the photo out and said unfortunately, although this means a lot to you, we can’t print it for you and we cannot sell it to you. He said, well why not, and they said because it’s nudity and Walmart has very strict no nudity policy.”
The photo was – and let’s use the buzzword of today’s illiberal tosspots – “inappropriate”. Mrs Andre adds:
“He replied with, it’s not nudity, it’s my wife feeding our child. And they said well if you look really closely, you can see a little bit of something there. My photo has no sexual connotation at all and here it is getting denied.”
Men can find a sexual connortation is pretty much anything.
“We made a mistake. That photo should have been printed. It’s the clarity in the policy. It’s obviously inappropriate to print certain photos so there needs to be some guidance for photo centre staff but that guidance wasn’t clear enough for them to know that those photos should have been printed from the get-go.”
THE Irish are an unfairly maligned people, often jibed at for being a country of dimwits. However, like all national stereotypes, there’s always one berk on-hand to live up to it.
And so, we go to a McDonald’s in Cork (bring back the Oriental McRib, please) where a man managed to get himself stuck in a baby seat like a big buffoon.
Of course, the Gardai had to be called out and here’s the picture evidence.
“McDonald’s is aware of the incident involving a customer who decided to sit in one of our children’s high-chairs in Winthrop Street,” said a representative from McDonald’s.
“And as you can see, we recommend that children don’t use the high-chair without adult supervision!”
The man fulfilled another Irish stereotype while he was at it: He was reportedly drunk at the time.
EXTRACTS from Poptastic! My Life in Radio, by Tony Blackburn, as selected by Eamonn Forde. It turns there is more to Tony than admiration for Neil Sedaka and pressed trousers. Here’s what Tony didn’t cover in his first autobiography, 1985′s Tony Blackburn: The Living Legend.
First few facts about Tony for our overseas and younger readers:
Blackburn’s was the first voice heard on Radio One in 1967. In his album Tony Blackburn Sings, he crooned a version of The White Cliffs of Dover. The rest of career saw him become remarkably uncool.
Now for the extracts. Nice!
”I’d say that seeing Bobby Vee perform was far more enjoyable than watching The Beatles in their prime. I was never big on Elvis – I prefer Perry Como – and I’ll take Alvin Stardust over David Bowie any day.”
AHMED Angel might be the world’s greatest male model. An international icon, Ahmed speaks Arabic, English, Russian and French.
IN 1925, the Swastika was the symbol of go-ahead, thrusting futurism. Coca Cola tapped into the feel-good factor with its Swastika watch fob bearing the legend: “Drink Coca Cola five cents in bottles.” The fob was 4cm squared and made in brass.
TO the Costume Institute Benefit Gala at the Metropolitan Museum – New York. The theme was Punk: Chaos to Couture. Whoah! Punk, you say. All bullet-hard leather jackets, super-glue hair and snot. The A-list artistes would do counterculture and DIY fashion. Would any be brave enough for a Nazi helmet? Well, no. This is what punk looks like when you hire a stylist to dress you as one. It’s like watching a Hampshire golf club putting on a performance of Derek Jarman’s Jubilee:
“We were aghast, I mean, we were absolutely shocked by what’s in this box. My wife was, just, ‘Oh my God! What, who is this? What do they want? What are they going to do next?’”
YUM! Canada’s Jones Soda is releasing a Poutine flavoured beverage. Poutine is a mixture of chips, beef gravy and white cheddar cheese:
“We recognize the buzz we receive when we launch fun flavours like Turkey and Gravy Jones Soda and Bacon Jones Soda,” commented Andrew Baumann, Jones Soda’s Marketing & Social Media Manager. “With continued requests for these past flavours and calls to keep coming out with more, we decided to create this new, unique flavour as a nod to our Canadian heritage. With a nice balance of rich, savory gravy over a starchy potato base, and accented with those fatty, cheesy notes you expect in a plate of poutine, we believe we’ve developed the perfect liquid version of this undisputedly Canadian delicacy.”