IS that a hidden message in Seventeen magazine? The clock seems to say “69HOE”. As one read says: “Not the worst message magazines send girls”…
WHEN we last saw Alicia Silverstone she was playing seagull to her kids, masticating food and sliding into their mouth. Now Alicia is telling us to buy vibrators designed to look like a Triffids’s genitals. She writes:
Ok, ladies– sometimes it’s nice to have a little extra…something…when you’re getting it on (solo, with your partner…whatever floats your boat). There is one personal massager company that’s actually Kinder than all the rest.
PEOPLE on infomercials are always doing it wrong. “Whenever a TV product commercial plays I bust a gut during the parts where they show us what we’re doing wrong and why we need the product.” Here are some of the best:
WHO own your Kindle book? Martin Bekkelund has news:
A couple of days a go, my friend Linn sent me an e-mail, being very frustrated: Amazon just closed her account and wiped her Kindle. Without notice. Without explanation. This is DRM at it’s worst.
FANCY an “Orgasmic Workout”? Turns you you can sit-up your way to orgasm. A phwoargasm? No! It’s a coregasm.
Writes one woman:
“Seems on my third set of 15 reps, if I crank out a few more reps and go to 20, well, yeah, I can have an orgasm! And no one notices, trust me.”
IN the 1980s, muscles were big news. Big muscles in big muscular power suits were the dream. Men had whipped hair and tans like a setting sun over a Cambodian field. Women wore bikinis tighter than Joan Rivers’s smile. On the newsagents’ shelves were muscle mags promising a body so buffed you could shave in your mirrored armpit:
BACK in the day, men’s fashion was all about wearing trousers (Anorak’s own-brand Comfi-Slax sold well) and chunky knits. Like any straight man I too poured myself into Broomsticks slacks and hoped to meet a women who was as subservient and drooling as the family pet:
GOOD god! Hundreds of Roman Catholic pilgrims have been evacuated from a refuge in Lourdes, France. Why? Flooding.
The Gave de Pau river has popped its backs brining Holy waters gushing to the masses.
STUDENTS buying a bar of home-made soap from teacher Marlon Scanterbury were given “no homework” passes. They could also rack up points towards prizes.
The Brooklyn, New York, teacher’s sideline earned him $24 for six bars sold. It cost him $4,000 in fines levied by the city’s Conflicts of Interest Board.
The NY Post’s story omits to mention how Mr Scanterbury made his loss-making soap. You need some kind of fat, either vegetable or animal. How did the man make his soap? Why did he make soap and not, say, key ring fobs? And why sell soap to 11 and 12-year-olds?
WOULD you wear Nike Women’s Exclusive Print tights are athletic tights. The skeleton pattern is designed to “show what women are made of” . You can see the wearer’s “inner toughness.” You can buy them nude.
The new Nike Women’s Exclusive Print tight is a performance based pant for the athlete unafraid to make a statement. On the outside, she might be the girl next door, but on the inside, her body has survived grueling workouts, often pushing through pain, broken bones, pulled muscles and harsh tears…
ADVERT of the day: Tess Purcell tweets on Go Conquer, Ireland mobile network:
Is it just me or is this girl wearing a dildo around her neck?
It’s not just you. One day all the cool kids will be doing it…
JIMMY Savile’s legacy continues to impact on the living. We spot the Gym’Ll Fix It Health Clubs in Cannock. Cannock Community Centre, Avon Road, Cannock, Staffordshire. It’s open to “youngsters”…
TO Orlando, where Jeremie Calo, 32, and his lover have been arrested. It is reported that they had sex on the table at a Paddy Murphys Irish pub and eatery. On a Monday. In full view of other diners.
The manager asked them to leave. Calo replied: “She can’t get up at this time.”
Calo was then presented with a $101 bill. Police arrested him for refusing to pay the bill and scrapping with staff. He was not pinched for having sex in public because, reportedly, no-one wanted to go on the record to state what they had seen.
THESE reviews for the Avery Durable View Binder with 2 Inch EZ-Turn Ring, White, 1 Binder (17032) are informative. They are in response to Mitt Romney saying he has “binders full of women”, received while Governor of Massachusetts.
As a woman, I’m not adept at making decisions that concern me. So when I need the right choice, I turn to the presidential candidate that KNOWS. One with prideful experience in this department. I don’t want to be filed away in an inferior & confusing electronic doohickey that I couldn’t possibly understand. Or heaven forbid, have a man ask for & listen to my ideas! I’d much rather rely on this top of the line, 1980s style, Avery Durable binder. It’s the choice America can trust. My education, my ideas, my opinions, my choices, please PLEASE keep them safely stored away here and far away from the men that might fear them (I mean, want to use them to hire me somedaynever). I’d write more about this most useful product, but it’s time I hurry home to make dinner.
THE Glasgow train replacement bus service goes ‘Choo Choo’. Why is it that you must pay the same price for a train replacements (a bus) as for a train? Answer written on mugs to the usual address…
Spotter: Jeremy Vine
FLASHBACK to 2001. Saatchi & Saatchi are working for Club 18-30:
Spotter: Andy Riley
THIS might be the world’s greatest exercise bike. Lance Armstrong can bid. If he wins a Tour de France on it, then he’s in the clear…
CARLYLE Livingston II and Wayne Hussey spent 800 hours forming 20,000 Lego blocks into the Batman Batcave. Wives and lovers are not pictured:
BEFORE twitter and Facebook, there was Goatse. If you do not want to be mentally upset, do not look him up. If you know who he is and why he is famous, you may care to buy some hooky merchandise. But DON’T. As his website says:
IMPORTANT NOTE: There are many merchandising attempts for goatse.cx around the web– none of them are real, none of them are official. Do not buy this gimmick merchandise. The official goatse.cx merchandise is coming soon!
Got that. Stick to the real stuff, fans of the extreme battered anus:
NEWSPAPERS will not die out. Thanks to Facebook page Drawing Dicks on the Herald Sun, newspapers serve a purpose. All newspapers need do is give every reader a free biro:
Posted: 15th, October 2012 | In: Technology, The Consumer | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
HALLOWEEN is coming. Do you have an outfit picked out? Does she?
Posted: 15th, October 2012 | In: The Consumer | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
DAMIEN Hirst is the butterfly killer. At his show In And Out of Love at London’s Tate Modern, the butterflies hatch, fly about and then land on bowls of fruit, sugary water and flowers. Some, however, gets trodden on, batted off clothes and killed. In the 23 weeks the show ran for 9,000 butterflies died.