The Consumer Category
We bring you the chic and unique, the best and most bizarre shopping offers both online and offline. We offer you tips on where to buy, and some of the less mainstream and crazy, individual and offbeat items on the internet. Anything that can be bought and sold can be featured here. And we love showcasing the best and worst art and design.
THERE’S a little bit extra in your tins of ASDA Smart Price Corned Beef. There’s a dash of the veterinary drug phenylbutazone, known as bute. The Food Standards Agency has found traces of the painkilling medicine in those cans. You can keep your hash brownies, your space cakes and your Kool Aid. Asda is giving away free drugs with meat. Beat that, vegetarians!
YOU see an empty toilet role. The BBC sees a space rocket. Junior Jacquet sees an opportunity for sculptures. Oddly, the sculptures look like they’ve been modelled on faces contorted in constipation:
IT does worry me when people propose these sorts of things. It’s as if they are entirely ignorant of why the darn things exist in the first place:
Companies selling products such as toys, sweets, clothes and video games should be prevented from marketing them towards primary school pupils amid fears the trend is undermining children’s natural development, it is claimed.
In a letter to The Daily Telegraph, the group of academics, authors, MPs and charity leaders warned that aggressive advertising aimed at infants as young as two was leading to a rise in “pester power” as children increasingly nag parents for the most expensive brands.
The development also makes it harder for parents to control their children and teach sons and daughters how to manage small quantities of money, they say.
Today’s letter urges the Government to copy tactics employed in countries such as Sweden and Greece where advertising aimed at young children is banned.
It is claimed that the ban could work by placing curbs on advertising linked to TV programmes, magazines and websites orientated towards under-11s and restricting tactics such as the use of cartoon characters in ad campaigns.
IN 1979, consumers were turned onto the flavours of Schlitz Malt Liquor with a group of Afro-American space voyagers, their pet jive-bot and a massive rampaging bull. Good to know that in the future, all space pioneers will drinking malted booze:
PREPARE yourself for the saddest story you’ll ever read. Not ‘sad’ like A Child Called It. Think more along the lines of Millhouse’s dad from The Simpsons, and you’re somewhere close.
Basically, a man called Kevin Waldrum split up with his partner and was at a loss. To paraphrase Joni Mitchell, the bed was too big and the frying pan was too wide. So, poor old Kevin did what he needed to do. He dusted himself down, gave himself a pep-talk and picked up the phone.
TO Argentina, where the dog lover has discovered that the two poodles he bought are actually fluffed-up ferrets on steroids. He only discovered the truth when he took them to the vets for their vaccinations. It turned out that steroids had been used to make the ferrets grow and lots of combing had fashioned them to look like pedigree poodles.
An investigation revealed that a woman looking for a chihuahua had also bought a ferret.
WHAT is the cure for High blood pressure. On April 4, 2013, the Daily Express led with “CURE FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE”. The paper had “five easy steps can keep the kill condition”.
Keeping active, slashing salt intake, eating a healthy diet with plenty of fruit and vegetables, cutting down on alcohol and not smoking all cut the chances of developing the deadly condition.
Salt intake. But Joe Willey had already told readers on July 6, 2011:
Salt is safe to eat – and cutting our daily intake does nothing to lower the risk of suffering from heart disease
IN 1969, air hostess Deborah Renwick was sacked for refusing to “shorten her hair”. But her hair wasn’t long. Renwick said her her hair was shorter than many white flight steward’s’ hair. Renwick believed that it wasn’t the length that mattered to her employers, it was the natural curl. After legal wrangling, United paid her $5,000, “endors[ed] the Afro hairstyle” and offered her her job back. She declined.
IN search of the perfect shave, the gentleman’s bathroom cabinet has become an arsenal of weapons-grade blades. Two blades, three blades, four blades and more are smeared in ointments to turn your shave into a Cupid-fingered massage. One man in Largo, Florida, wanted to up the ante. He wanted to hot shave. So. He placed the can of shaving cream on the stove, turned up the heat and waited. Soon his shaving gels would be hot enough to smear over his beard.
LANDMARKS can be pretty much anything. New York has the Statue of Liberty. London has Big Ben. Australia has big prawns. And Berkshire had ‘Matt The Talc’, who used to sit outside Spackman’s of Newbury. Every thrusting new town and city needs a symbol of its greatness. So, the burgers of Da Nang, Vietnam, are delighted to show off the fire-breathing, water-spitting dragon over the Han River that opened for traffic last week.
“I was disgusted as I think that it’s totally inappropriate. I am more upset with the company that makes the gum than the shops that sell it. It’s OK for adults and a bit of a laugh, but I can’t see the funny side when they are kept in the sweet section of shops where children like Ruby will see them.”
LIKE you, we’ve viewed adult erotica and noticed the decor. We’ve seen that central heating has played a key role in the British smut mags. And Martin Klasch has noticed that with Danish porn films the real action is in the decor. Before the internet made porn a utility, Britain’s view of taped flesh was blocked by plant pots and kitchen units. We’d long believed that this was censorship. It turns out that it was a marketing-led plot by those flat-packed Scandinavians to introduced us to their furniture. Fast forward from the Danish porn heyday of the 1960s and 1970s, and the older generations are decorating their rooms to look like a scene from Hot Cookies.
Here is a collected of great Danish porn decor. They might call it a porn magazine. We’d call it a home improvement catalogue for DIY enthusiasts:
SOFT Paris is a French knickers and undies company (that’s lingerie – ed) aiming to teach the clueless, potato-sack-clad British woman how to dress for sex. To promote the brand, the company has issued its 10 steps to seduction. Most British men would be happy with availability and warmth. But we can all be more. Says Soft Paris:
Why do English women hunch over, either shuffling or stomping? This is not seductive. Take the time to look around you, proudly, chin up/shoulders back, walking with one foot almost in front of the other, to undulate your hips provocatively.
YESTERDAY’S news of religious Easter eggs piqued our appetite for further Christian gifts with which to enhance our enjoyment of the holiday.
Here are just some of the myriad delights we discovered.
‘Inspired by scripture’
ITEM of the day: the Game of Thrones ‘The Iron Throne Lifesize Replica’:
Heavy is the head that wears the crown. And royal is the rear that sits the Iron Throne. The notoriously intimidating seat from the immensely popular HBO fantasy series can now be yours to own. This exact fiberglass replica was handmade, hand painted, and based on a 3D scan of the actual set piece from the TV show. Every detail has been faithfully reproduced, but luckily this model is a little less sharp and stabby than the actual seat. But remember, when you play the game of thrones, you win or…well, you’ll find out.
EASTER is upon us once again, and Christians are muscling in this year, after the success of their campaign to persuade major supermarkets to sell ‘religious’ eggs that represent the true message of the occasion.
I LIKE cake. You like cake. They love cake.
To mark the eight anniversary of the opening of Chinas’s Jining Guihe shopping center, the owners built an eight-meter-long birthday cake. Chaos resulted as the shopper went nuts for gateau:
IS Microwave Cooking for One the saddest book ever written? Author Marie T Smith looks happy enough with her midnight snack, though. She’s a good eater is Marie…
THE horsemeat scandal was particularly troubling, not because we may have all eaten the incredible Mr Ed, but rather, it prompted so many awful jokes that we all wished we’d eaten something fatal instead.
However, horsemeat is the last of your worries after food experts analysed a random dish bought in London which contained ‘mystery meat’.
THE level of some people’s love for My Little Pony is beyond parody. In fact, it is downright worrying. If you do a rudimentary search for ‘bronies’, you’ll find enough material to keep you awake for a whole decade.
One such character has got angry and believes himself to be the fiance of a character called ‘Twilight Sparkle’. Yes, you read that right.
Over at deviantART, where people showcase their artwork of any kind, a user called Kevinsano was creating pieces based on My Little Pony (worrying enough) and the ‘fiance’ took offence at the designs, accusing them of being too sexual in nature (even more worrying).
It tapped into a theme. Earlier, G.H. Thompson had illustrated Ten Little Nigger Boys, a book he followed up with work on Ten Little Nigger Girls. This was sexual equality racism. Although in the girls’ version the females start at 10 and disappear. The boys grow in number.
Now grab your golliwog and read on….
THIS Ford Figo* advert in India shows Silvio Berlusconi and 3 ladies on their way to a Bunga Bunga party. Is Silvo kidnapping them? Can Silvio only get women to sleep with him if he ties them up first? Who’s in the back seat, the Yorskhire Ripper?
The caption reads: “Leave all your worries behind.”
Is Silvio going to – you know – dispose of the ‘worries’ lest they tell all to the police? Maybe not. It’s not like he’s in an Indian mini bus, so chances are that the victims will get to live after they’ve been raped.