The Consumer Category
We bring you the chic and unique, the best and most bizarre shopping offers both online and offline. We offer you tips on where to buy, and some of the less mainstream and crazy, individual and offbeat items on the internet. Anything that can be bought and sold can be featured here. And we love showcasing the best and worst art and design.
ONCE upon a time “underage sex” was a selling point used by The Rolling Stones’ marketing department. Back in 1994 for the Stones’ Voodoo Lounge tour, the legend went:
“Stones Withstand Divorce, Slander, Rip-Offs, Slagging, Under-Age Sex, Alcohol, Drugs”
LEANDER Kahney is talking about the world’s most famous designer, Essex-boy and graduate of Newcastle Polytechnic done very good, Johny Ive. British writer Kahney has profiled the Apple legend in Jony Ive: The Genius Behind Apple’s Greatest Products. Here are a few extracts:
Phil Gray, who was his first boss after he graduated from design school, met him at the Olympics in London. “When I asked Sir Jony what was it like being a knight of the realm, he replied, ‘You know what? Out in San Francisco it means absolutely nothing. But back in Britain it is a burden.’”
At 25, he was headhunted by Apple.
“I remember very clearly Steve announcing that our goal is not just to make money but to make great products,” Ive later recalled. “The decisions you make based on that philosophy are fundamentally different from the ones we had been making at Apple… We were on the same wavelength. I suddenly understood why I loved the company.”
In the design studio:
Ive has the only private office. The front wall and door are made of glass, with stainless steel fittings, just like the ones in Apple’s shops. Except for a small shelf system, the office is bare with plain white walls, featuring no pictures of his family or design awards; just a desk, chair and lamp.
Ive is Apple’s soul:
Just before he died on October 5, 2011, Jobs revealed the degree to which he had empowered Ive inside the company. “He has more operational power than anyone else at Apple except me,” Jobs said. “There’s no one who can tell him what to do, or to butt out. That’s the way I set it up.”
“Our goal isn’t to make money. Our goal absolutely at Apple is not to make money. This may sound a little flippant, but it’s the truth. Our goal and what gets us excited is to try to make great products. We trust that if we are successful, people will like them, and if we are operationally competent, we will make revenue, but we are very clear about our goal.”
Well, I bought an Ive original. Then I bought another. And another…
Lead Photo: In this file photo taken March 19, 1999, Jonathan Ive, left, Apple’s vice president of design, and Jon Rubinstein, Apple’s senior vice president of engineering, pose behind five iMac personal computers, at Apple headquarters in Cupertino, Calif. Apple CEO Steve Jobs may be the company’s most recognizable personality, but much of its cachet comes from its clean, friendly-looking designs, the product of its head designer, Jonathan Ive.
“HE went into the store and he smashed a life-sized cutout of himself because he’s the symbol of a brand,” says the witness to the 911 operator in Washington County. “And he’s intimidating employees that are watching him. Basically, talking … preaching.”
DOES sugar make your children hyper? No:
The BBC agreed:
The theory that too much sugar makes children hyperactive doesn’t stand up to the tests – it may be that the environment your child is in is the defining factor in how boisterous their mood is. This doesn’t mean sugar get’s off lightly though. It may not lead to hyperactivity but it does make your blood sugar drop which could make your children irritable and distracted.
Or as the wife of The Education Minister says in her column (you can keep the writing gig Sarah Vine as long as Gove keeps his job):
“I COUDN’T believe it when I saw what was inside the box. Maddie was devastated,” says Colin Marsh, who paid £470 for at Tesco in Whitstable, Kent. “I took it back to Tesco, but they said they couldn’t give me a refund and would need to carry out an investigation. Two days later, I got a call at about 8pm from the police asking if I could come down to the station to answer some questions. I just thought they wanted to know what had happened, but the next thing I know I’m being bundled into a cell. I was in there for three hours. It was then they told me the iPad had been activated in my name. I just thought ‘how can that possibly be?’ It didn’t make any sense.
UPDATE: A husband and wife tell NBC 4 New York they did leave a tip. They say they have a credit card statement as proof. The tip was a generous $18. The wife says: “We’ve never not left a tip when someone gave good service, and we would never leave a note like that.”
Morales adds: “I don’t know, all I know is what I’ve been saying.”
Morales had recently announced that people were sending her tips from all over the world, and was donating some of the money to the Wounded Warrior Project. “I just felt like people have a right to know that — it’s fine if people want to donate to her or to the Wounded Warriors, but they’re doing it under a false pretense,” the wife said.
This is the original story:
WE all know that idiots get weird around gay people. Presumably their brains get tied in knots because they constantly and vividly imagine all that sex they do. They get a clear image in their minds about glistening gay naked bodies all writhing around. That’s because, absolutely 100% across the board, bigots are all a bit pervy.
And so to a waitress in New Jersey who had her £10 tip withheld and was left a crappy note by a bigoted customer, allegedly. She says she was denied her tip because she is a gay woman. She told the internet and now, she’s been inundated with more than £1,000 in donations from around the world.
ANROAK is old enough to recall the days when smut was a copy of Penthouse is a hedge. Once upon a time, smut was remarkably un-erotic. The nostalgia-proof Great British sex comedy, gurning faces, with badly-dressed people in terrible bars captured in sickly colour tones by radiators. The smut industry was an ugly business. But have things changed much? No. Not judging by this photos form this PR event featuring Page 3 girls Brandy Brewer (left) and Gracie for the UK’s first Frank’s RedHot Buffalo Wing eating competition at Sticky Wings in East London.
STUCK for a cocktail? You need semen. In Semenology – The Semen Bartender’s Handbook you can learn how to enliven your drinks.
A Personal Touch (or several)
Anorak’s drink expert recommends a Semen Shake to accompany…
BRITNEY Spears is back. And to herald her return to Anorak’s pages, a new perfume. Her sheets have been scraped, her towels wrung out over a buckets and her underwear and hair ground to a fine powder. And you can now smell of Circus Fantasy.
According to the blurb:
The spectacle opens with juicy accords of sugar-coated raspberry and apricot blossom, reminiscent of tempting candy.
It’s stickier than Noddy’s bell on the roundabout.
The magic continues as blue peony, waterlily and addictive red sweetheart orchid take the limelight with delicious sensations and exhilarating temptations. The grand finale is a captivating sense of seductive sensuality, blending sweet vanilla wood, creamy musks and violet candy.
To recap: smells of lion’s breath and clown farts.
Comes in handy atomiser – see above.
That’s how it began. And then it got weird.
GREAT Ads: Jean-Claude Van Damme for Volvo:
WHO in the Vatican downloaded a pirated version of Football Manager 2013?
TO the Premier Inn on London’s Leicester Square, where CCTV records a man emerging from a storage cupboard with a fire extinguisher hose up his bottom. He is pleasuring himself. He then urinates on the carpets. A hotel worker arrives. He is carrying a towel. This worker is Bangladeshi. He wraps the man in the towel. Police are called.
Wind the clock forward and Joseph Small, 20, is in the dock at Westminster magistrates’ court. The court hears that he told the hotel worker: ‘This country has been taken over by al-Qaeda – go back to Pakistan.”
ARE you brown bread? That’s Cockney rhyming slang for “dead”. Sheila Delhoy spotted the phrase on a letter sent to her husband Ken who died in February 2008. In 2010, Northumberland-based building suppliers Wack wrote to “Brown Bread” Ken. Now the same firm has delivered another letter to “Brown Bread”.
Says Sheila: “When my son Tony found out he rang the company straight away. He said to them ‘are you going to make this an annual thing to remind my mum her husband is dead and make her upset?’”
TO Chorley, Lancashire, where, as ever things are afoot. Not a day goes by without incident in Chorley:
TERRIBLE Food: WeightWatchers Crown Roast of Frankfurters. Because nothing says ‘slim’ like being sick:
PSST! Want to get into Eva Braun’s knickers? And – yep – they are brown, like her shirts.
ABBEY Clancy, Strictly Come Dancing pro-celeb hoofer and wife to footballer Peter Crouch (What would you be if you weren’t a footballer, Peter? PC: “A virgin”) wore Julien Macdonald’s patchwork of seaside beach flags to The Brave Gala at Dorchester Hotel, Park Lane, London. Signs are that Dear Abbey thought it was contest for who could be bravest.
Our pick of the photos, though, is not Abbey holding the seat of her patriotic table runner in the manner of Justin Bieber with a full pull-up, but she and Julien gazing into each other’s teeth.
WANT top speak like a Victorian? James Redding Ware, the pen name of writer Andrew Forrester, documented slang English terms of that perverted period in British history in his book Passing English of the Victorian era, a dictionary of heterodox English, slang and phrase.
“Thousands of words and phrases in existence in 1870 have drifted away, or changed their forms, or been absorbed, while as many have been added or are being added,” he writes in the book’s introduction. “‘Passing English’ ripples from countless sources, forming a river of new language which has its tide and its ebb, while its current brings down new ideas and carries away those that have dribbled out of fashion.”