The Consumer Category
We bring you the chic and unique, the best and most bizarre shopping offers both online and offline. We offer you tips on where to buy, and some of the less mainstream and crazy, individual and offbeat items on the internet. Anything that can be bought and sold can be featured here. And we love showcasing the best and worst art and design.
BRITNEY Spears is back. And to herald her return to Anorak’s pages, a new perfume. Her sheets have been scraped, her towels wrung out over a buckets and her underwear and hair ground to a fine powder. And you can now smell of Circus Fantasy.
According to the blurb:
The spectacle opens with juicy accords of sugar-coated raspberry and apricot blossom, reminiscent of tempting candy.
It’s stickier than Noddy’s bell on the roundabout.
The magic continues as blue peony, waterlily and addictive red sweetheart orchid take the limelight with delicious sensations and exhilarating temptations. The grand finale is a captivating sense of seductive sensuality, blending sweet vanilla wood, creamy musks and violet candy.
To recap: smells of lion’s breath and clown farts.
Comes in handy atomiser – see above.
That’s how it began. And then it got weird.
GREAT Ads: Jean-Claude Van Damme for Volvo:
WHO in the Vatican downloaded a pirated version of Football Manager 2013?
TO the Premier Inn on London’s Leicester Square, where CCTV records a man emerging from a storage cupboard with a fire extinguisher hose up his bottom. He is pleasuring himself. He then urinates on the carpets. A hotel worker arrives. He is carrying a towel. This worker is Bangladeshi. He wraps the man in the towel. Police are called.
Wind the clock forward and Joseph Small, 20, is in the dock at Westminster magistrates’ court. The court hears that he told the hotel worker: ‘This country has been taken over by al-Qaeda – go back to Pakistan.”
ARE you brown bread? That’s Cockney rhyming slang for “dead”. Sheila Delhoy spotted the phrase on a letter sent to her husband Ken who died in February 2008. In 2010, Northumberland-based building suppliers Wack wrote to “Brown Bread” Ken. Now the same firm has delivered another letter to “Brown Bread”.
Says Sheila: “When my son Tony found out he rang the company straight away. He said to them ‘are you going to make this an annual thing to remind my mum her husband is dead and make her upset?’”
TO Chorley, Lancashire, where, as ever things are afoot. Not a day goes by without incident in Chorley:
TERRIBLE Food: WeightWatchers Crown Roast of Frankfurters. Because nothing says ‘slim’ like being sick:
PSST! Want to get into Eva Braun’s knickers? And – yep – they are brown, like her shirts.
ABBEY Clancy, Strictly Come Dancing pro-celeb hoofer and wife to footballer Peter Crouch (What would you be if you weren’t a footballer, Peter? PC: “A virgin”) wore Julien Macdonald’s patchwork of seaside beach flags to The Brave Gala at Dorchester Hotel, Park Lane, London. Signs are that Dear Abbey thought it was contest for who could be bravest.
Our pick of the photos, though, is not Abbey holding the seat of her patriotic table runner in the manner of Justin Bieber with a full pull-up, but she and Julien gazing into each other’s teeth.
WANT top speak like a Victorian? James Redding Ware, the pen name of writer Andrew Forrester, documented slang English terms of that perverted period in British history in his book Passing English of the Victorian era, a dictionary of heterodox English, slang and phrase.
“Thousands of words and phrases in existence in 1870 have drifted away, or changed their forms, or been absorbed, while as many have been added or are being added,” he writes in the book’s introduction. “‘Passing English’ ripples from countless sources, forming a river of new language which has its tide and its ebb, while its current brings down new ideas and carries away those that have dribbled out of fashion.”
FANCY buying a town with its own liquor license? Of course you do:
Want to buy a ghost town with a bar and liquor license? Expand it into a unique getaway! Perhaps the most remote restaurant in Northern California. 12 acres… There are no known environmental hazards. We have owned since 1970. We will provide a Deed plus a Title Search and Title Insurance.) Seneca is the real McCoy. Historic. Very close to, or containing a historic Chinese-built gold mine. (Active gold mining today in the vicinity.) This deal includes several small buildings in various states of (dis)repair. It was home to the “Woodstock of the West” in the 1970′s — thousands attended (we have a clipping somewhere)…Includes an island. Possibly THE last private acreage within a National Forest. (Not many liquor licenses in the region, either.) A big tree is growing up through the porch of the bar. The public access dirt road from both north and south is one of the most scenic in the USA. (The northern access is darn scary and features maybe 1000-foot drops into the gorge.)
THE Twitter account for @KelloggsUK has message from a tame feline who want vulnerable kids to eat lots of sugar and salt for breakfast. All it takes is a retweet:
PAUL Dutton, 48, was ejected from his local branch of Asda in Cambridge, after a fellow shopper complained about his attire – a classic formal black suit of the type produced by Hugo Boss in the 1940s.
Unfortunately this suit happened to closely resemble the uniform of Hitler’s notorious SS, and even more unfortunately the resemblance was entirely uncoincidental. Mr Dutton’s “hobby” is Adolf Hitler, you see, and his fascination is such that his living room boasts a painting of himself being decorated by the Fuhrer – a man who once earned an honest living decorating people’s homes as a housepainter.
TO herald the release of her album ARTPOP. Lady Gaga stood at New York’s Brooklyn Navy Yard and showcased the Volantis transport prototype “flying dress.” She said: “Although she is a vehicle, she, is essentially a metaphor for me.”
She is her own biggest fan.
ON August 21 1957, visitors to the Radio and Television Fair watched the effect of their words on a TV telephone set up in Frankfurt, West Germany. Phones used for calls were linked to four TV sets and two cameras so each person can see a picture of himself and the person he is talking to. The AP reported: “There is no telling what effect the TV telephone will have on what people say and how they do it when they call.”
It’s the mask sported by anti-capitalist protestors. It is also the mask from the film V For Vendetta:
A shadowy freedom fighter known only as “V” uses guerrilla tactics to fight against his terrorist, totalitarian society. Upon rescuing a girl from the secret police, he also finds his best chance at having an ally.
The Warner Bros film cost $54m to make.
A cut of every mask sold goes to Warner Brothers. Another cut of every one sold on Amazon goes to Amazon – the company that paid £2.4m in corporate taxes last year, the online retailer’s accounts show, despite making sales of £4.3bn.
The tax bill was almost as much as the £2.5m in government grants Amazon received over the same period, according to a Companies House filing.
So. Buying that mask to wear as a protest against capitalism and corporate greed profits the very companies you dislike.
Rubies Costume Company, which makes the mask, sells around 100,000 a year worldwide, and 16,000 in the UK, according to spokesman Steve Kitt, who seems a little concerned that any association with activists might harm the company’s image.
“We sell over 100,000 of these masks a year, and it’s by far the best-selling mask that we sell,” said Howard Beige, executive vice president of Rubie’s Costume, a New York costume company that produces the mask. “In comparison, we usually only sell 5,000 or so of our other masks.” The Vendetta mask, which sells for about $6 at many retailers, is made in Mexico or China, Mr. Beige said.
Mr. Beige said he did not know why the mask was so popular until recently. “We just thought people liked the ‘V for Vendetta’ movie. Then one morning I saw a picture of these protesters wearing the mask in an online news article,” he said. “I quickly showed my sales manager.”
The masks are being manufactured in bulk in a factory in Brazil.
Isn’t this all a little… hypocritical?
The pro-Anonymous account @youranoncentral tried to stem Twitter’s tide:
“Hey look everyone, our masks were made in some factory in a developing nation. We are the only hypocrites.” (see here)
And a number of people came out with views similar to Reddit user sayheykid24, who wrote: “How do people think the masks were made? Did they think they were lovingly handcrafted by anti-corporate artisans, or something?”
It’s true that Anonymous are not the only hypocrites. But not all hypocrites are entirely dependent on having a moral leg to stand on. Some, like big corporations, have other resources. But punishing other people’s bad behaviour is Anonymous’s recruiting message – join them, they suggest, and you are on the side of the good guys. This means that the group stands and falls on its integrity – and if it can’t afford to play by it’s own rules, it certainly can’t afford to break them.
How can Anonymous break out of the system?
Just be careful who you buy the ink, pinter, paint and paper off?