Anorak

The Consumer | Anorak - Part 3

The Consumer Category

We bring you the chic and unique, the best and most bizarre shopping offers both online and offline. We offer you tips on where to buy, and some of the less mainstream and crazy, individual and offbeat items on the internet. Anything that can be bought and sold can be featured here. And we love showcasing the best and worst art and design.

Liverpool: Steven Gerrard reveals what would have made him stay at Anfield

The Daily Mail is puffing its interview with former Liverpool and England captain Steven Gerrard.

 I might have stayed if Liverpool offered me the right job, reveals the Kop legend

Might have. Before we get to his latest words, it’s worth recalling what Gerrard said in May 2015:

“I am looking forward to being able to breathe and play football under a little less pressure and going back to days when maybe before I was in the first team at Liverpool when you really enjoyed your football and there’s not that responsibility and pressure.”

The Mail’s exclusive are is a trail for Gerrard’s” explosive book”, which the paper is serialising.

Says Gerrard:

“Yeah, I do miss it. I miss everything about it. When I switch on the TV and see the stadiums, with 50, 60, 70,000 people — the aggression, the intensity, the tension. I am jealous.  I miss the build-up, competing with better players, I miss being Steven Gerrard, Liverpool captain and walking out in front of my people with that pressure and trying to get a result for them.”

But the bit we want to know is how Gerrard could have remained at Anfield?

“Ability-wise, I could still play but physically I couldn’t play every game at my age… I might be contradicting myself here but what would have kept me at Liverpool into this season was the chance of shadowing Brendan Rodgers and his staff as well as playing. Those ideas were only mentioned to me after I had announced I was leaving.

“I don’t know if I am going to be good enough to be a manager, or a No 1, No 2, No 3 or No 4. Liverpool replaced coaches Colin Pascoe and Mike Marsh in the summer, so they were looking for a new No 2, or No 3 or No 4. I would have been tailor-made to fill one of these roles, as well as making myself available as a squad player. I could have been a good squad player, a good sub, as well as getting management experience that money can’t buy.”

So much for being able to breathe.

“I’d have stayed on as a squad player if I’d had the chance to learn more about management or coaching. I left with all the doors still open, but yes, I could still have been at Liverpool now.”

 

 

Posted: 11th, September 2015 | In: Books, Liverpool, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Manchester City fan has entire transcript of Martin Tyler’s ‘AGUERO!’ commentary tattooed on his arm

aguero-qpr-title

As it was quite possibly the last genuinely dramatic thing that happened in the Premier League, Sergio Aguero’s title-snatching 93rd-minute winning goal against QPR on the final day of the 2011/12 season has attained iconic status in the prevailing years.

Aguero’s late winner saw Man City whip the championship away from underneath Manchester United’s nose with nanoseconds of the campaign remaining, and the accompanying apoplectic yowling from Sky Sports commentator Martin Tyler has since become synonymous with the occasion.

So much so, in fact, that one City fan has immortalised that glorious day by having the entire transcript of Tyler’s orgasmic howling tattooed on his forearm…

aguero-tattoo-tyler

Photo: @mancitybear

Impressive, no?

No, not really.

Posted: 10th, September 2015 | In: Manchester City, Sports, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Grace Jones the autobiography: ‘If the fuck don’t feel right, don’t fuck it’

LONDON, ENGLAND - APRIL 26:  Grace Jones performs live at the Royal Albert Hall on April 26, 2010 in London, England.  (Photo by Ian Gavan/Getty Images)

Grace Jones performs live at the Royal Albert Hall on April 26, 2010 in London, England. (Photo by Ian Gavan/Getty Images)

 

Grace Jones has a book out. I’ll Never Write My Memoirs’ includes the following bon mots (via Time Out):

I come from the underground. I am never comfortable in the middle of the stream, flowing in the same direction as everyone else. I think people assume that’s where I want to be, famous for being famous, because as part of what I do there is a high level of showing off. But my instinct is always to resist the pull of the obvious. It’s not easy.

Trends come along and people say, ‘Follow that trend’. There’s a lot of that around at the moment: ‘Be like Sasha Fierce. Be like Miley Cyrus. Be like Rihanna. Be like Lady Gaga. Be like Rita Ora and Sia. Be like Madonna.’ I cannot be like them – except to the extent that they are already being like me.

I have been so copied by those people who have made fortunes that people assume I am that rich. But I did things for the excitement, the dare, the fact that it was new, not for the money, and too many times I was the first, not the beneficiary.

Rihanna… she does the body-painting thing I did with Keith Haring, but where he painted directly on my body, she wears a painted bodysuit. That’s the difference. Mine is on skin; she puts a barrier between the paint and her skin. I don’t even know if she knows that what she’s doing comes from me, but I bet you the people styling her know. They know the history.

I remember when one of the singers on the list of those who came after me first said that she wanted to work with me. Everyone around me is going: ‘You have to do it, it will be so good for you, it will introduce you to a whole new audience, you will make a lot of money’. No! It will be good for her; she will draw from everything I have built and add it to her brand, and I will get nothing back except for a little temporary attention. No one could believe that I said no, but I am okay on my own. I am okay not worrying about a new audience. If the fuck don’t feel right, don’t fuck it.

With this one, who I will call Doris, I thought she was trying on other people’s outfits: she’s a baby in a closet full of other people’s clothes, a little girl playing dress-up, putting on shoes that don’t fit. I could see what she wanted to be when I watched her doing something when she started out that was starker and purer. Deep down, she doesn’t want to do all the dressing-up nonsense; she loses herself inside all the play-acting.

 

BERLIN - FEBRUARY 7:  Singer and actress Grace Jones arrives for the screening of the new film "The Missing"at the 54th annual Berlin International Film Festival  on February 7, 2004 in Berlin, Germany.  (Photo by Kurt Vinion/Getty Images)

Singer and actress Grace Jones arrives for the screening of the new film “The Missing”at the 54th annual Berlin International Film Festival on February 7, 2004 in Berlin, Germany. (Photo by Kurt Vinion/Getty Images)

 

The problem with the Dorises and the Nicki Minajes and Mileys is that they reach their goal very quickly. There is no long-term vision, and they forget that once you get into that whirlpool then you have to fight the system that solidifies around you in order to keep being the outsider you claim you represent. There will always be a replacement coming along very soon – a newer version, a crazier version, a louder version. So if you haven’t got a long-term plan, then you are merely a passing phase, the latest trend, yesterday’s event.

They dress up as though they are challenging the status quo, but by now, wearing those clothes, pulling those faces, revealing those tattoos and breasts, singing to those fractured, spastic, melting beats – that is the status quo. You are not off the beaten track, pushing through the thorny undergrowth, finding treasure no one has come across before. You are in the middle of the road. You are really in Vegas wearing the sparkly full-length gown singing to people who are paying to see you but are not really paying attention. If that is what you want, fine, but it’s a road to nowhere.

I look at Doris and I think: Does she look happy? She looks lost, like she is desperately trying to find the person she was when she started. She looks like really she knows she is in Vegas, now that Vegas is the whole entertainment world filtered through the internet, through impatient social media. I don’t mind her dressing up, but when she started to dance like Madonna, almost immediately, copying someone else, it was like she had forgotten what it was about her that could be unique. Ultimately, it is all about prettiness and comfort, however much they pretend they are being provocative.

 

LIVERPOOL, UNITED KINGDOM - NOVEMBER 06:  Grace Jones onstage at the MTV Europe Music Awards, held at the Echo Arena on November 6, 2008 in Liverpool, England.  (Photo by Getty Images/Getty Images)

Grace Jones onstage at the MTV Europe Music Awards, held at the Echo Arena on November 6, 2008 in Liverpool, England. (Photo by Getty Images/Getty Images)

 

Kate Moss often says to me that I am the only performer around at the moment who deserves to be called a diva.That gets us arguing, seemingly a little too serious if anyone hears us. I hate that word diva. It’s been so abused! Every singer given a makeover or a few weeks on a talent show seems to be called a diva these days! Christ almighty. Where’s the exclusivity? It’s so commercial now. For me, a diva is like the great opera singer, the great film star – out of reach, in their own world, with a real gift for invention, attention-demanding performance artists with a flamboyant, compelling sense of their own importance, so special and inimitable it verges on the alien. And of course the word is usually used to describe an apparently erratic female whose temperamental qualities, survival instincts, and dedication to perfection are seen as weaknesses, as self-indulgent, not a strength. So, Kate, I am not a diva. I am a Jones!

This is what I would say to my pupil: you have become only your fame, and left behind most of who you were. How are you going to deal with that? Will you lose that person forever? Have you become someone else, without really knowing it? Do you always have to stay in character for people to like you? Do you know that you are in character?

Doris, I would say fame is all well and good if you want to take it to another level. If you have some greater purpose. Me, I am just a singer, on one sort of stage or another, who likes to have an audience, but not all the time. Listen to my advice; I have some experience. In a way, it is me being a teacher, which is what I wanted to be. I still feel I could go into teaching. What is teaching but passing on your knowledge to those who are at the beginning? Some people are born with that gift. With me, the teaching side morphed into the performing side. It’s in there. And these are my pupils – Gaga, Madonna, Annie Lennox, Katy Perry, Rihanna, Miley, Kanye West, FKA Twigs and… Doris.

Grace Jones: if you ever get the chance, do see her live. She’s a force of nature.

I’ll Never Write My Memoirsby Grace Jones.

Posted: 10th, September 2015 | In: Books, Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Video: human wasp makes drone helicopter in his garden

 

Drones are invasive. And now YouTuber user Gasturbine101 has managed to make them still more annoying by creating one that can fly him over your heads.

Called Swarm –  aka The Manned Aerial Vehicle Multirotor Super Drone – the device is a load of pricey drones stuck together.

 

swarm

 

Hail the human wasp!

Posted: 9th, September 2015 | In: Technology, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Motorhead: you can buy one of these Lemy virbators

vibrator buzz motorhead

 

You can buy a Motörhead vibrator via the Lovehoney onanist boutique:

World-renowned heavy metal legends Motörhead have turned their attention to your intimate pleasure with their own range of branded sex toys. Powerful classic vibrators and bullets are amongst the line up, each packing a powerful punch that captures the rock and roll lifestyle of the band perfectly. Prepare for the sort of mind-blowing orgasms you’d expect from the ‘loudest band on Earth’.

 

Screen Shot 2015-09-09 at 16.47.03

 

 

Cliff Richard will supply the wine…

Posted: 9th, September 2015 | In: Music, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Watch: Kurt Vonnegut interviewed for The Infinite Mind from within Second Life

Watch: Kurt Vonnegut interviewed for The Infinite Mind fromi within Second Life

 

In 2006, Kurt Vonnegut featured on Second Life’s Infinite Mind Series. The interview was sparked by the writer’s God Bless You, Dr. Kevorkian.

The premise of the collection is that Vonnegut employs Dr. Jack Kevorkian to give him near-death experiences, allowing Vonnegut access to heaven and those in it for a limited time. While in the afterlife Vonnegut interviews a range of people including Adolf Hitler, William Shakespeare, Isaac Asimov, and the ever-present Kilgore Trout (a fictional character created by Vonnegut in his earlier works).

As he wrote:

It’s actually possible to get a better life for individuals [through technologies like Second Life] and I have frequently inanimated new technologies, but I love cell phones. I see people so happy and proud, walking around. Gesturing, you know. I’m like Karl Marx, I’m up for anything that makes people happy

 

It’s actually possible to get a better life for individuals [through technologies like Second Life] and I have frequently inanimated new technologies, but I love cell phones. I see people so happy and proud, walking around. Gesturing, you know. I’m like Karl Marx, I’m up for anything that makes people happy.” ~ Kurt Vonnegut

Spotter: Flashbak.com

Posted: 8th, September 2015 | In: Books, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


For sale: the ultimate Manchester United car (photos)

manchester united mazda

 

Spotted for sale over on the Trade Cars Clackheaton site, this stunning vehicular homage to all things Manchester United could be yours for just £790.

As you can no doubt see, the previous owner of this 2001 Mazda 323 hatchback has really gone to town in transforming his car into a rolling tribute to his beloved football club.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 7th, September 2015 | In: manchester united, Sports, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Who was the best Hannibal Lecter: watch Cox, Hopkins and Mikkelsen go head to head

lecter

 

Matthew Morettini let’s us compare and contrast three screen manifestations of Hannibal Lecter with this neat video

I always preferred the 1985 Manhunter, with Brian Cox as the terrifying Lecter. Anthony Hopkins reworked the character in Red Dragon and Silence of the Lambs before Mads Mikkelsen appeared as the psychopath in the TV series Hannibal.

Take a look at the video. Which one do you prefer?

 

Posted: 4th, September 2015 | In: Books, Film, TV & Radio | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Manchester United news: Sir Alex Ferguson says too much displine cost United titles

Sir Alex Ferguson has new a book out. Titled Leading and featuring a cover photo of Sir Alex looking more business than sporting, the tome is “an inspirational guide to great leadership”.

It sounds like a self-help book. But what’s inside?

On Discipline:

“People will give a manager plenty of opportunities to crack the whip so it’s best to pick and choose your moments. You don’t have to dish out a punishment very often before everyone gets the message.

“I place discipline above all else and it might have cost us several titles. But if I had to repeat things I’d do it precisely the same because discipline has to come before anything else. Discipline was drummed into me from an early age. On school days my dad would alwas shake my leg promptly at 6am. Maybe that’s why, a couple of decades later as manager, I got into the habit of appearing for work before the milkman arrived.”

Over to you, Louise Van Gaal…

Posted: 4th, September 2015 | In: Books, manchester united, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


You can buy a hat for your man bun

manbun hats

 

The man bun hat “unites the best of contemporary styles in hair and hats for young men,” says the fashionaista at Capitol Hill Seattle, notes Rob Beschizza.

Not yet available as a tattoo.

Spotters: Stylite, Dan Savage

Posted: 3rd, September 2015 | In: Fashion | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Lifesize David Bowie Pillow Doll

david bowie pillow doll

 

Who doesn’t awant a full-size David Bowie pillow doll? Proxy Shop on Etsy is offering them for $400a pop.

The Lifesize David Bowie Pillow stands 66” tall and is the ultimate gift for a David Bowie fan’s home decor.

Sit this Bowie doll onto a daybed or sofa, against a wall as a soft sculpture artwork or on the floor as a makeshift chair.

Handcrafted from high quality printed fabric that is silky soft to the touch and backed with sturdy broadcloth, this tribute to David Bowie’s famous Ziggy Stardust costume design is an utterly unique addition to any Bowie fan’s home.

These life-size decorative pillows are all handcrafted and made to order.

 

bowie doll 1 bowie doll 2

 

Spotter: DM

Posted: 1st, September 2015 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Stephen King: the productivity of writing books

Screen shot 2015-08-29 at 06.48.53

How to write like Stephen King – as in, how to physically write like Stephen King; the talent you’ll have to work on that yourselves:

As with most postulates dealing with subjective perceptions, the idea that prolific writing equals bad writing must be treated with caution. Mostly, it seems to be true. Certainly no one is going to induct the mystery novelist John Creasey, author of 564 novels under 21 different pseudonyms, into the Literary Hall of Heroes; both he and his creations (the Toff, Inspector Roger West, Sexton Blake, etc.) have largely been forgotten…

Yet some prolific writers have made a deep impression on the public consciousness. Consider Agatha Christie, arguably the most popular writer of the 20th century, whose entire oeuvre remains in print. She wrote 91 novels, 82 under her own name and nine under a nom de plume — Mary Westmacott — or her married name, Agatha Christie Mallowan…

As a young man, my head was like a crowded movie theater where someone has just yelled “Fire!” and everyone scrambles for the exits at once. I had a thousand ideas but only 10 fingers and one typewriter. There were days — I’m not kidding about this, or exaggerating — when I thought all the clamoring voices in my mind would drive me insane. Back then, in my 20s and early 30s, I thought often of the John Keats poem that begins, “When I have fears that I may cease to be / Before my pen has glean’d my teeming brain …”

My thesis here is a modest one: that prolificacy is sometimes inevitable, and has its place. The accepted definition — “producing much fruit, or foliage, or many offspring” — has an optimistic ring, at least to my ear…

Can a novelist be too productive? 

Posted: 29th, August 2015 | In: Books, Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Minions toy body wash will give your kids nightmares

minions death

 

The Minions 3-in-1 bodywash does not do what it says on the tin: it will not cause your child’s eyes to bleed. Probably.

Spotter: Ash Warner

Posted: 29th, August 2015 | In: News, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


eBay dogging and murder caravan goes viral

dooging

 

On eBay the caravan “suitable for affairs or murders” is for sale.

“Apparently I owned this utterly crap caravan for three weeks before actually setting eyes on it.

“My husband drunkenly bought it on Ebay, and neglected to mention that one day he’d taken the day off work and driven halfway across the country to pick it up, deposit it around the back of our office, and failed to declare it as technically a marital ‘asset’ until recently.

“Luckily, I’m the trusting type, and despite appearances I don’t think he bought it solely for the purpose of having a sordid extra-marital affair or taking up dogging, however as you might be able to see from the pictures, it would be PERFECT for both…

“It has been brought to my attention that the “caravan” would also be suitable for use as a rolling meth lab. Apologies for the omission.”

Also: badger watching.

Posted: 28th, August 2015 | In: News, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Artist Shinji Nakaba makes brilliant pearl skull jewelry

Shinji Nakaba turns peals into skulls.

 

pearl skulls making

pearl skulls 5 pearl skulls 4 pearl skulls 3 pearl skulls 2 pearl skulls 1 pearl skulls

Spotter: here

Posted: 28th, August 2015 | In: The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Human Centipede glass pipe for your hot box

human centipeded pipe 3

 

The Human Centipede pipe, by Dustin Yunker, is the ‘hot box’ tribute to the film of that name. We’re not sure what end goes to your lips; but our therapist assures us that which end you choose will say a lot about you.

 

human centipeded pipe 2

human centipeded pipe 1.

Spotter: DM

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Posted: 24th, August 2015 | In: Film, News, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


For sale: kinky pagan leggings with hoofs

hoof boots 3

 

Blair Ondria’s Etsy shop Chaos Costume gives you the chance to dress like an extra from the Lion The Witch & The Wardrobe. 

“The construction of these hooves will be of high strength resin fused to a heelless 4 inch shoes. The arch is rigid plastic, and does not bend, so it keeps that beautiful silhouette, effortlessly.”

 

Are they comfortable?

Q: How hard are these to walk in?
A: Not very – if you’ve walked in stiletto heels, it’s about like that. They are very easy to move in, and do not roll-back easily.

Tails are optional.

 

hoof boots 4

 

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Posted: 20th, August 2015 | In: News, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Arsenal Balls: Gunners buy Benzema and his diamond ball

benzema diamond ballThe news cycle whirls with what might be the most specious football story of the year. The Sydney Morning Herald tells us:
Arsenal target Karim Benzema spends a fortune on a diamond ball
To which you can only wonder what he plans to kick it with. Solid gold boots would be too soft. How about  goethite, a material found in the mouths of limpets? Sure millions of the creatures would have to die to enable Benzema to work on his ball skills but it’s surely what they would have wanted.
The story continues:
If Real Madrid striker Karim Benzema makes his much-speculated move to English Premier League giants Arsenal, he could bring with him his new prized possession, a $340,000 soccer ball. The 27-year-old French goal-scorer, who has been on the Gunners’ hit-list for months, reportedly purchased the 1,250 carat ball encrusted with 72,000 diamonds from a celebrity jeweller.
Fair enough. It’s his money. We only hope he writes his name on it lest it get muddled up with everyone else’s when he check into the Emirates.

Update: Every paper says Benzema has agreed to join Arsenal for £45m.

Posted: 20th, August 2015 | In: Arsenal, News, Sports, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The saddest aisle in the supermarket (photo)

The saddest aisle in the supermarket

 

This is the saddest aisle in the supermarket.

Spotter: @TechnicallyRon

Posted: 19th, August 2015 | In: The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Video: how to make a frisbee into a lethal weapon

 

Now to get a Hard Ticket to Hawaii – scroll down for the killer frisbee.

Spotter: b3ta

Posted: 18th, August 2015 | In: Technology, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0