Les Skuse lived all his life in Bristol, England. He visited the US and leaned from such bigwigs of the tattoo world as Paul Rodgers, Huck Spaulding and Schiefley. He explained what tattooing was like in the 1950s:
“English tattooists were using a single needle. This caused a lot of bleeding and pain. This finished design looked very thin and scratchy when compared with the strong, well-shaded designs done in the United States.”
NOW that Margaret Thatcher has died and the funeral is over, what will you do to keep her memory alive? Peter Jones has a solutions. The smart shop for household items has for £185 a Bronte Margaret Thatcher Extinguisher*.
This exquisite hand-made and hand-painted fine bone china figurine is of Mrs Thatcher depicted at the start of her parliamentary career on the evening in 1959 when she successfully contested the Finchley seat. Comes with a limited edition certificate personally signed by Margaret Thatcher. Limited Edition 300 Height 4″.
IN 1999, those rebellious Texans kidnap the President of the US of A. Only a bunch of fearless Israelis can save him. Jake Saunders and Howard Waldrop report on the TEXAS-ISRAELI WAR 1999.
The report was made in 1974, which appears odd (but it’s how newspaper reporting works).
On August 12, 1992, England’s tiny nuclear arsenal fell on Ireland, on South Africa, and finally on China. Instantly the planet went up in flames. In the first half year of what was to be called the War of ’92, half the Earth’s population perished. The United States was reduced to a vast underpeopled land — and, to make matters worse, Texas had seceded and taken her precious oil reserves. But Israel, virtually untouched in a world ravaged by war, was painfully overpopulated.
SCIENTISTS are always discovering brilliant things and curing all manner of awful diseases. Some, however, focus on any old crap in a bid to justify their jobs.
Take, for example, a French scientist who has declared that bras are useless.
GREAT Ad Watch: Devonshire Sunshines Bubble Soy Aftertaste face:
The second one’s even better:
THERE’S a little bit extra in your tins of ASDA Smart Price Corned Beef. There’s a dash of the veterinary drug phenylbutazone, known as bute. The Food Standards Agency has found traces of the painkilling medicine in those cans. You can keep your hash brownies, your space cakes and your Kool Aid. Asda is giving away free drugs with meat. Beat that, vegetarians!
YOU see an empty toilet role. The BBC sees a space rocket. Junior Jacquet sees an opportunity for sculptures. Oddly, the sculptures look like they’ve been modelled on faces contorted in constipation:
IT does worry me when people propose these sorts of things. It’s as if they are entirely ignorant of why the darn things exist in the first place:
Companies selling products such as toys, sweets, clothes and video games should be prevented from marketing them towards primary school pupils amid fears the trend is undermining children’s natural development, it is claimed.
In a letter to The Daily Telegraph, the group of academics, authors, MPs and charity leaders warned that aggressive advertising aimed at infants as young as two was leading to a rise in “pester power” as children increasingly nag parents for the most expensive brands.
The development also makes it harder for parents to control their children and teach sons and daughters how to manage small quantities of money, they say.
Today’s letter urges the Government to copy tactics employed in countries such as Sweden and Greece where advertising aimed at young children is banned.
It is claimed that the ban could work by placing curbs on advertising linked to TV programmes, magazines and websites orientated towards under-11s and restricting tactics such as the use of cartoon characters in ad campaigns.
IN 1979, consumers were turned onto the flavours of Schlitz Malt Liquor with a group of Afro-American space voyagers, their pet jive-bot and a massive rampaging bull. Good to know that in the future, all space pioneers will drinking malted booze:
PREPARE yourself for the saddest story you’ll ever read. Not ‘sad’ like A Child Called It. Think more along the lines of Millhouse’s dad from The Simpsons, and you’re somewhere close.
Basically, a man called Kevin Waldrum split up with his partner and was at a loss. To paraphrase Joni Mitchell, the bed was too big and the frying pan was too wide. So, poor old Kevin did what he needed to do. He dusted himself down, gave himself a pep-talk and picked up the phone.
TO Argentina, where the dog lover has discovered that the two poodles he bought are actually fluffed-up ferrets on steroids. He only discovered the truth when he took them to the vets for their vaccinations. It turned out that steroids had been used to make the ferrets grow and lots of combing had fashioned them to look like pedigree poodles.
An investigation revealed that a woman looking for a chihuahua had also bought a ferret.
WHAT is the cure for High blood pressure. On April 4, 2013, the Daily Express led with “CURE FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE”. The paper had “five easy steps can keep the kill condition”.
Keeping active, slashing salt intake, eating a healthy diet with plenty of fruit and vegetables, cutting down on alcohol and not smoking all cut the chances of developing the deadly condition.
Salt intake. But Joe Willey had already told readers on July 6, 2011:
Salt is safe to eat – and cutting our daily intake does nothing to lower the risk of suffering from heart disease
IN 1969, air hostess Deborah Renwick was sacked for refusing to “shorten her hair”. But her hair wasn’t long. Renwick said her her hair was shorter than many white flight steward’s’ hair. Renwick believed that it wasn’t the length that mattered to her employers, it was the natural curl. After legal wrangling, United paid her $5,000, “endors[ed] the Afro hairstyle” and offered her her job back. She declined.
IN search of the perfect shave, the gentleman’s bathroom cabinet has become an arsenal of weapons-grade blades. Two blades, three blades, four blades and more are smeared in ointments to turn your shave into a Cupid-fingered massage. One man in Largo, Florida, wanted to up the ante. He wanted to hot shave. So. He placed the can of shaving cream on the stove, turned up the heat and waited. Soon his shaving gels would be hot enough to smear over his beard.
LANDMARKS can be pretty much anything. New York has the Statue of Liberty. London has Big Ben. Australia has big prawns. And Berkshire had ‘Matt The Talc’, who used to sit outside Spackman’s of Newbury. Every thrusting new town and city needs a symbol of its greatness. So, the burgers of Da Nang, Vietnam, are delighted to show off the fire-breathing, water-spitting dragon over the Han River that opened for traffic last week.
“I was disgusted as I think that it’s totally inappropriate. I am more upset with the company that makes the gum than the shops that sell it. It’s OK for adults and a bit of a laugh, but I can’t see the funny side when they are kept in the sweet section of shops where children like Ruby will see them.”
LIKE you, we’ve viewed adult erotica and noticed the decor. We’ve seen that central heating has played a key role in the British smut mags. And Martin Klasch has noticed that with Danish porn films the real action is in the decor. Before the internet made porn a utility, Britain’s view of taped flesh was blocked by plant pots and kitchen units. We’d long believed that this was censorship. It turns out that it was a marketing-led plot by those flat-packed Scandinavians to introduced us to their furniture. Fast forward from the Danish porn heyday of the 1960s and 1970s, and the older generations are decorating their rooms to look like a scene from Hot Cookies.
Here is a collected of great Danish porn decor. They might call it a porn magazine. We’d call it a home improvement catalogue for DIY enthusiasts:
SOFT Paris is a French knickers and undies company (that’s lingerie – ed) aiming to teach the clueless, potato-sack-clad British woman how to dress for sex. To promote the brand, the company has issued its 10 steps to seduction. Most British men would be happy with availability and warmth. But we can all be more. Says Soft Paris:
Why do English women hunch over, either shuffling or stomping? This is not seductive. Take the time to look around you, proudly, chin up/shoulders back, walking with one foot almost in front of the other, to undulate your hips provocatively.
YESTERDAY’S news of religious Easter eggs piqued our appetite for further Christian gifts with which to enhance our enjoyment of the holiday.
Here are just some of the myriad delights we discovered.
‘Inspired by scripture’