The Consumer Category
We bring you the chic and unique, the best and most bizarre shopping offers both online and offline. We offer you tips on where to buy, and some of the less mainstream and crazy, individual and offbeat items on the internet. Anything that can be bought and sold can be featured here. And we love showcasing the best and worst art and design.
Sending a loved one a shit in a box is a neat idea. You can, of course, send your own poo. ShitExpress might one day become a cottage industry following a change in legislation (it’s illegal to post human turds) triggered by a full vegetarian diet for all and 2Girls One Cup training-and-aiming course. For now there is ShitExpres, the service that anonymously mails crap to your lover / ex-lover / prospective lover / teacher / organic farmer / etc. in exchange for Bitcoin and cash.
ShitExpress founder Peter explains the supply and delivery chain:
“What if someone placed an order? How to proceed? Where to get horse poop in this city? What about suitable, yet affordable packaging? What is the right size and weight? How to wrap it? What else should be added? How to convince customs this is a real gift, valued at $3-5? And what about that weird feeling of bringing a box of horse feces to the post office?”
Peter found lots of product at his local horse stables.
“Thanks to strong support of our customers, we already developed a root base for additional services and new product line to be offered in the near future. Besides the shit, we definitely want to grow horizontally by covering more areas of business.”
Why not vertically. Reach for the gutter and the stars. From budget ant poo to showy elephant dung, there would be something for every price bracket.
Jason Koebler unpacks a delivery:
The most ridiculous football club Christmas presents: the Norwich City Tambourine, Liverpool Coffee Tin and more
Over on Pies: the most ridiculous football club-themed gifts for Christmas.
Also featured in Pies’ 2014 Christmas Football Gift Guide…
#1: Dion Dublin’s New Xmas Album – “Christmas Presents”
#2: Tino Asprilla Own-Brand Condoms
#3: Official Sunderland USB Travel Adaptor
#4: Tottenham Vodka
#5: Official Wolfsburg Tomato Ketchup
#6: Fenerbahce Hairdryer
#7: Newcastle United Toilet Mat
#8: Sporting Lisbon Swimming Cap
#9: Huddersfield Town Tea Bags (Box Of 80)
#10: Werder Bremen Nesting Box
#11: Norwich City Tambourine
#12: Liverpool’s Iconic ‘This Is Coffee’ Coffee Tin
#13: Real Madrid Etch-a-Sketch
#14: Birmingham City Play-Dough Fun Box
#15: FC Dnipro Bucket & Spade
This way for more Christmas gift ideas from yesteryear.
Howard Jacobson nails it. Why only Christians can be Nazis. And why Islamofascism is an amplified myth:
‘Christianity is key here,’ says Jacobson. ‘Muslims have needed the Jew less [historically], although there’s a lot of Muslim anti-Semitism now due to the Middle East. [But] Christianity’s had to leave [Judaism] behind, so it’s had to hate it, it’s had to say, we are not that, we are not that anymore, and then to say we were never that – so that’s a necessary hatred.’
‘And then out of that grew a sense of the possibility that all cultures have to have someone to hate. Not just a scapegoat. It’s more essential than that. Who am I, what am I? I am not that. To the degree you know that, you know who you are.’
How to build a human, Eleanor Lutz:
In Tomboy, Liz Prince looks at growing up, being a girl and what gender means:
“I’ve always thought about gender, as someone who has been categorically ‘gender nonconforming’ for my entire life, I was forced to think about it, but obviously I became more conscious of it as a social issue as I’ve gotten older. And as I’ve met more folks who are genderqueer or trans, it’s been really enlightening to hear their stories, and it got me thinking about my own gender history.
“An unexpected side effect of writing Tomboy is that I have gotten a lot of letters and emails from parents of tomboys, who say that they read the book, and they feel like they understand their children so much better now. I got a really emotional letter from a woman who has a tomboy daughter, who she has in the past tried to force to conform more strictly to a gender norm, and my book made her feel really terrible for doing that, because she understands now that her daughter should be free to express herself the way that is comfortable to her.
“I was really unprepared for receiving feedback like that; letters about how my book has actually changed the way someone approaches their parenting. It’s very validating.”
AsapSCIENCE have produced a video on what happens to your brain on alcohol. This delicious “feelings of release and freedom” allow you to “think very little, but with great clarity.”
And now for the banned substance: marijuana:
Do high heels make you men go weak at the knees? This just in from science:
Scientists from the Universite de Bretagne-Sud conducted experiments that showed that men behave very differently toward high-heeled women. The results, published online in the journal “Archives of Sexual Behaviour,” may please the purveyors of Christian Louboutin or Jimmy Choo shoes — yet frustrate those who think stilettos encourage sexism.
The study found if a woman drops a glove on the street while wearing heels, she’s almost 50 percent more likely to have a man fetch it for her than if she’s wearing flats.
Another finding: A woman wearing heels is twice as likely to persuade men to stop and answer survey questions on the street. And a high-heeled woman in a bar waits half the time to get picked up by a man, compared to when her heel is nearer to the ground.
“Women’s shoe heel size exerts a powerful effect on men’s behavior,” says the study’s author, Nicolas Gueguen, a behavioral science researcher. “Simply put, they make women more beautiful.”
Thought of the day:
“About two years ago, a letter arrived from a solemn young lady telling me how much she enjoyed reading my experiment in space mythology, The Martian Chronicles. But, she added, wouldn’t it be a good idea, this late in time, to rewrite the book inserting more women’s characters and roles…. The point is obvious. There is more than one way to burn a book. And the world is full of people running about with lit matches. Every minority, be it Baptist / Unitarian / Irish / Italian / Octogenarian / Zen Buddhist / Zionist / Seventh-day Adventist / Women’s Lib / Republican / Mattachine / Four Square Gospel, feels it has the will, the right, the duty to douse the kerosene, light the fuse… The real world is the playing ground for each and every group, to make or unmake laws. But the tip of the nose of my book or stories or poems is where their rights end and my territorial imperatives begin, run and rule.” — Ray Bradbury
East London’s Cereal Killer cereal cafe is riding high on the news cycle. Eating cereal for dinner, lunch and tea is more likely to give you chronic diarrhea than cool. The news item on Channel 4 focused on the shocking news that Tower Hamlets is not a rich area. In fact, it’s pretty poor.
So. what kind of mugs spend £3 on a bowl of dried wheat when for the same price you can buy a cup of coffee?
There’s a new take on cops and robbers in your playground. Cool kids can now crush insurrection and legal protest by becoming riot police.
And girls – forget it. Only boys get to crush heads and break bones of the State’s enemies:
Fashion brand Hatley has some intersting items for the kids:
Oh, and dad gets one, too:
Your hero in the above video is Brendan Jordan, the 15-year-old lurker who seized his chance when local news filmed in his area.
Said Master Jordan:
“I just saw a camera, and did my thing. I was imagining myself as if I were Lady Gaga, and that no one could destroy me.”
To Austin, Texas, where a Cragslist advert tells of a cursed, double-handed 18th century broadsword.
They say “they could feel a strange energy in my sword room”.
Council Estate Santa has:
1. He Has a serial record for breaking and entering!
2. He uses various wild animals to pull his sleigh
3. He only works once a year
4. He’s never actually been seen doing any work in his whole life
5. He drinks alcohol during working hours
6.He barely leaves his home for fear of being recognised
7. He wears the same, out-of-fashion clothes everyday and never washes them
8. He uses loads of different names and aliases purely for his own gain!
9. He gets letters from lot of people, all demanding that he owes them things!
10. He can get hold of all the latest designer gear but never pays a penny for it!
His wife is not a ho-ho-ho. That would, presumably, be too funny…
Burt Reynolds is selling the 1977 Pontiac Trans Am from Smokey and the Bandit – billed as “maybe the coolest car ever”. It isn’t. But if that doesn’t take your fancy, Burt Reynolds is clearing out lots of other stuff, including numerous guns (mostly non-firing), horse tack, a treasure chest of trophies and lots of artworks of his goodself.
Shop until you drop at Julien’s Auctions:
Book of the day is the 1979 tome, God’ll Fix It, the divine words of Sir Jimmy Savile.
The chapter How Do I Cope With Sex? , told readers:
Sex at its worst is corruption, as when young people might be corrupted to provide sex.’
The final word is with the Star:
Much excitement at Anorak Towers are we open the flaps on the first One Direction advent calendar window.
The first flaps are situated on Niall Horan’s backside.
Five boys one runny cip.
It’s Black Friday, the day when shops seduce shoppers with bargains.
Two faces of the show:
1. Cheerleaders at the Asda store in Wembley, north west London during Black Friday.
2. Victoria’s Secret, Liverpool.
How do you describe something big? Traditionally, fooball pitches, buses or St Paul’s Cathedral have been used to describe a thing’s length or height. But writing in the Ottwah Citzen, Alison Mah takes a new angle:
A 1,000-pound provolone that would likely kill you if it fell on you the wrong way has arrived in Ottawa.
Big enough to kill you.
Former Newcastle United favourite Faustino Asprilla offers us his “Tino” condoms for your good sexual health in Colombia, the Bigg Market and beyond.