“It’s a somewhat disturbing case,” says Sgt. Javier Salazar of the San Antonio Police Department. “You think of a child getting a hold of a package that’s got interesting symbols on it, dollar signs in this case, and ingesting something like cocaine that could have a possibly dangerous effect, maybe even deadly on a child.”
The Consumer Category
We bring you the chic and unique, the best and most bizarre shopping offers both online and offline. We offer you tips on where to buy, and some of the less mainstream and crazy, individual and offbeat items on the internet. Anything that can be bought and sold can be featured here. And we love showcasing the best and worst art and design.
Stuck for a way to inject chocolate sauce or cream into a ripe banana? Well, worry no more. The Chocobana-na is here to turn the phallic fruit into a loaded missile.
The Daily Mail told us that choloclate can help you lose weight.
John Bohannon writes:
“Slim by Chocolate!” the headlines blared. A team of German researchers had found that people on a low-carb diet lost weight 10 percent faster if they ate a chocolate bar every day. It made the front page of Bild, Europe’s largest daily newspaper, just beneath their update about the Germanwings crash. From there, it ricocheted around the internet and beyond… The Bild story quotes the study’s lead author, Johannes Bohannon, Ph.D., research director of the Institute of Diet and Health: “The best part is you can buy chocolate everywhere.”
I am Johannes Bohannon, Ph.D. Well, actually my name is John, and I’m a journalist. I do have a Ph.D., but it’s in the molecular biology of bacteria, not humans. The Institute of Diet and Health? That’s nothing more than a website.
Other than those fibs, the study was 100 percent authentic. My colleagues and I recruited actual human subjects in Germany. We ran an actual clinical trial, with subjects randomly assigned to different diet regimes. And the statistically significant benefits of chocolate that we reported are based on the actual data. It was, in fact, a fairly typical study for the field of diet research. Which is to say: It was terrible science. The results are meaningless, and the health claims that the media blasted out to millions of people around the world are utterly unfounded.
The National Portrait Gallery has unveiled Sean Henry’s painted bronze sculpture of Sir Tim Berners-Lee.
His lap-top’s in the leather bag slung over his shoulder.
In 1947, Trimz made ready-pasted wallpaper for children. “Actual tests have proved that one fly can carry as many as 6,600,000 bacteria!” But with DDT the fly is dead. The bacteria are dead. And you child is being slowly poisoned.
London is getting bar ABQ, a venue set in a large RV named after the setting of the TV show Breaking Bad in Albuquerque, New Mexico.
For £30, 22 punters-a-time will not get to sample the blue meth, but”cook” two drinks.
Anyone unable to afford £15 drinks can pop along to Danny’s Burger RV (formerly Danny’s Burger Van) on the M62 betweeen 2am and 5am every weekday, where so long as you’ve got the cash, Danny’s pretty much got anything you want.
A third floor flat in unlovely Keppel House on Brompton Cross, Chelsea, is on sale for £1.5m
Maskells estate agency says the redesigned property features two-bedrooms, a 1952 Soviet-styled exterior, “handcrafted and laid chevron flooring”, “mood lighting and bespoke fixtures”.
Alannah Currie, once of the three-piece 1980s band The Thompson Twins, now works as an upholsterer.
She says she has hidden poetry and handwritten stories in different parts” of her chairs. And then there is her use of marterials, which is interesting:
The foxes, swan, lamb and blue tit on my chairs are memento mori. I’m a vegetarian, so I did a lot of research to find the right taxidermist who uses animals that die naturally or are roadkill. I had to wait eight months for the swan. As far as fitting the animals into the chairs, I’m very specific. For instance, for the foxes, I measured the back of the chair, drew exactly how I wanted the foxes to be positioned and sent these drawings to the taxidermist. Then I sewed them in when they eventually arrived. All the furniture is made to be robust. It is functional art – there may be a lamb on the chair, but you can lie beside it or use it as a cushion. To me, they are very beautiful but disturbing at the same time.
You can see more of her work at Miss Pokeno.
Will you go boldy into the Star Trek flat in Hinckley, Leicestershire.
RealDoll’s take one helluva pounding. And Slade’s job is to go in there and make the rough, broken and chaffed smoother than a rubber glove.
Slade works with Matt McMullen, creator of Abyss Creations, located in Southern California.
“The original concept I had was actually not a sex toy at all,” says McMullen… “It was intended to be a poseable mannequin, or simply a form of art.” He quickly noticed that a lot of people saw the dolls in an erotic way. The company makes about 300 RealDolls each year. A standard-issue model sells for $6,500, while a meticulously customized one can go for as much as $50,000.
Slade replaces the damaged vagina, which looks like this:
Fiero traces his interest in dolls to playing with G.I. Joes and Barbie in his youth.
“I was born in 1960 so Joe was the guy I got to hang out with for those formative years.”
“Slade has a very important place in the doll world,” says Elena Dorfman, a photographer who documented that world in her 2005 book Still Lovers. “People are sending him their beloved—or at least a sex partner that they paid a lot of money for. They’re trusting him to fix her. It’s like sending someone you love to the doctor and hoping they’ll come out all right.”
Slade has tips:
“If you care for it, if you treat it right, you can crank her knees up to her shoulders and bang away at that doll with good hard intercourse and come out shining. But clean her out… Clean her off. If you’ve got a hairy chest, you’re going to leave hairs all over her. If you’ve got a cat, she’s going to pick up cat hair. You want to take care of what you’ve got.”
The customers might be registered:
“I had one guy from Berkeley who had sex so hard with his doll that he ripped the leg off it. The doll was less than a year old, and destroyed. Her calves, from below the knee, had what looked almost like knife puncture wounds. Hundreds of them. I don’t know what this guy was doing to this doll.”
Has Slade ever been tempted to road test his repair:
“I’m not going to be fucking dolls and shipping them to other people. That’s fuckin’ rude. What kind of businessman would I be if I did that?”
But how do you know the fart is a genuine fart and not a lab-produced stink? The company’s website says the fart is from a backside, but fails to say which one?
Jart also say the bottled “invisble turd” lingers for 3 to 5 days!
Spotter: The Daily Dot
Artist Jesse England’s “E-Book Backup” project sees him photocopy his Kindle version of George Orwell’s 1984. He photocopied every page, one by one. He then uploaded the scanned copy to his Kindle.
Hey, you, skinny!. Yeah, you. It’s time to get ripped, man. You need a muscles that draw you skin tighter than a Hollywood wife’s smile. But you’re too lazy and weak to work out. So why not step inside a Lean Muscle Suit?
The people at Flex Design Costumes tell us:
The Lean Muscle Suit provides a nice, slender tone and build for a more natural and realistic look and feel. Available in our full range of colors (shown here in Beige).
Flex Design muscle suits are constructed with a durable cotton/lycra or nylon/lycra unitard.
Our unique combination of materials has been carefully selected to provide a lightweight suit with great flexibility and range of motion.
Flex Design uses extra heavy duty zippers and stitching to ensure maximum quality and performance for the life of your suit.
Our muscle suits are skillfully assembled and constructed by hand, with each individual muscle carefully placed to provide the most anatomically correct suit for your height and build.
With our optional add-ons, you can create the most realistic muscle suit you’ve ever seen!
Veins: individual veins are put into place to provide an unbelievably real look and feel to each suit.
Airbrushing: contouring and highlighting give definition to each muscle group and create an outstanding suit that doesn’t need to be covered up.
Available in a range of skin tones:
Yours for just shy of $1000.
Spotter: Cory Doctorow
Chinese looking for a thrill can take the “death simulator” at the Window of the World amusement park in Shenzhen, China. The Indy reports:
Once inside (a coffin), players are then blasted by hot air (up to 40C) and light to create an “authentic experience of burning,” according to its creators, Huange Weiping and Ding Rui.
When the “burning” is over, volunteers see a womb projected on the ceiling and must crawl until they reach a large, white padded area – supposedly representing a womb – where they are “reborn”.
It’s a bit like getting a fake tan in your clothes…
Public Health UK take note: granola bars in Texas come with free cocaine.
As Robert Popper says: “Prepare to vomit with embarrassment”:
We’re celebrating the launch of Green & Black’s THIN Dark 70% with Michel Roux Jr, Tom Kitchin, Emilia Fox, and sisters Jasmine and Melissa Hemsley, as they talk about their love of food through the lens of colour.
You go down the list under a few celebs says ‘yes’:
I got given a selfie stick and found it to be very good at lying around the place as clutter. Far better is Aric Snee and Justin Crowe’s Selfie Arm. This way you can look as if all your friends are not in the photo- or you;re haning out with Thing.
Good news, deadsters. You can carry on shagging after you’ve stopped breathing. Mark Sturkenboom’s “21 grams memory box” has a box for the widow or widower in need of company. It contains: a diffuser for the deceased’s perfume, an iPod dock to play “your” songs, a necklace on which to keep the key and an urn shaped like a dildo ready on contain 21 grammes of the dead lover’s red-hot ashes.
“I sometimes help an elderly lady with her groceries and she has an urn standing near the window with the remains of her husband. She always speaks with so much love about him but the jar he was in didn’t reflect that at all.”
Jordan Henderson has penned a new five-year deal to play for Liverpool. Good news for Liverpool fans. And at £100,0o0-a-week, it’s good news for Henderson, who will just be able to afford a season ticket at top-flight boxing. (Tickets for the Floyd Mayweather and Manny Pacquiao’s fight are yours for £100,000 each. It makes £60 to watch your team play Arsenal at the Emirates look like a steal.)
Writing in the Times, Giles Smith wonders if Henderson is going to re-sign for another of his clients: Nivea.
…a deal that has already yielded comedy gold. Indeed, if there was a Bafta for Best Look To Camera By A Footballer In A Narrative-Based Commercial (and now there should be), Henderson would have swept it away for a lifetime.
It is a cracker:
But what does it all mean for men? It’s the decline of man: the steady emasculation of our role models.
Things Found In Food spots a sink plug in a salad.
The diner at Brisbane, Australia’s Hog’s Breath Cafe got an old plug in her salad. You have to wonder what vegetable the chef thinks the plug resembles?
The eatery’s ggeneral manager Ross Worth offers up an explanation:
“Food hygiene is a top priority for the company. The plug came from a sanitised ice food bath that was designated for fresh produce such as lettuce and tomatoes to be washed in. On that day the staff members have pulled fresh produce out of the bath and accidently pulled the plug with it. The business owner has re-trained his staff on the right processes to make sure this doesn’t ever happen again. As for the customer’s complint that kitchen staff thought it was funny I can’t comment if they were laughing – I would guess not.It’s not a laughing matter, and I’d like to think they wouldn’t laugh.”
Conclusion: don’t order the mushrooms.
In 1977, The Woodlands, a suburb of Houston, was the Safest town in America:
The Afflictor notes:
The Woodlands, a master-planned suburb of Houston established in 1974, was the bleeding edge of quantified smart homes, as each unit was wired and connected. The monitoring was still external then, the way pacemakers originally were.
The Woodlands is still there. And you could be there, too. This 2014 video is by The Woodlands Development Company:
That’s NOT Entertainment!
For some time now our happy island nation has, slowly but surely, been invaded by an uninvited and unwelcome breed.
This is nothing to do with immigration, asylum-seekers, refugees, the EU or any of the other supposed threats that exercise the newspapers at election time.
No, this is an insidious invasion that has targeted our TV screens, and in particular the advertisements, ‘trails’ and promotional montages that seem to take up as much time as the programmes they punctuate…
The invaders are instantly recognizable by their distinctive singing style: breathy, slightly flat, sometimes with an ‘emotive’ crack in the voice. Their songs are, variously: drippy, dippy, dull and dreary. They are invariably accompanied by willfully amateurish acoustic guitar. This formula is used to advertise everything from white goods to Barclays’ revolting ‘thank you’ to ‘real football fans’.
Do you like slow tea? Do you like your tea to seep in the manner of sloth sweat (which is very hard stuff to find)? foodiggity has created these sloth tea bags.
“Live slow die whenever,” says the sloth as he’s lowered bum-first into a boiling hot cup of water. For ‘whenever’ read ‘soon’ as the perforations let the steming brew flood in and the flavour flood out…
Hold on your Top Gear hair it’s going to be bumpy ride as we look at Top Gear erotic fan fiction. Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May are away…
This is from a work entitled Clutch:
“At first he thought the taut muscles and slender hips belonged to a girl. But, aroused, he strode closer and recognised the unmistakable frame of his friend Jeremy.”