Anorak

The Consumer | Anorak - Part 7

The Consumer Category

We bring you the chic and unique, the best and most bizarre shopping offers both online and offline. We offer you tips on where to buy, and some of the less mainstream and crazy, individual and offbeat items on the internet. Anything that can be bought and sold can be featured here. And we love showcasing the best and worst art and design.

Tinder Select is quarantine for every syphilis-sacked SADO

Tinder select

The VIP entrance

 

Good news, shaggers. As you swipe left and right, chances are thinner than Donald Trump’s skin you’ll encounter a Hooray Henrietta, Premier League footballer, third-world despot or SADO (sons and daughters of…) because there’s a secret breeding stables called Tinder Select.

This is where the inbreds and syphilis sufferers in the celebrity Petri dish get quarantined, leaving functioning people for the rest of us to squire.

I’d imagine Tinder Select operates bit like the mobile toilets on a Hollywood film set or the broom cupboard in a London eatery, where dynasty-building nepotists and narcissists grab a life affirming knee-trembler.

You mustn’t feel jealous of the Tinder select crowd. They’ve been out in their place to spare the rest of us.

Spotter: Engadget

Posted: 9th, March 2017 | In: Reviews, The Consumer | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


TSA expects more sexual assault claims from its new pat-down search technique

To enter America, you might need to let America enter you. If the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) thinks that you’re suspicious, you get the pat down. Your genitals are cupped, your anus is probed and your breasts undergo a vigorous investigation. And it’s getting more invasive. Now TSA offices have been advised to tell police to expect more accusations of sexual assault from holidaymakers and other travellers.

 

TSA

 

The TSA’s new standardised pat-down is more “comprehensive”, says  Bloomberg. Right now, the TSA tells uniformed frotters:

TSA officers use the back of the hands for pat-downs over sensitive areas of the body. In limited cases, additional screening involving a sensitive area pat-down with the front of the hand may be needed to determine that a threat does not exist.

The front hand will now be used more frequently.

“I would say people who in the past would have gotten a pat-down that wasn’t involved will notice that the [new] pat-down is more involved,” TSA spokesman Bruce Anderson said Friday. The shift from the previous, risk-based assessment on which pat-down procedure an officer should apply was phased in over the past two weeks after tests at smaller airports, he said.

The TSA screens about 2 million people daily at U.S. airports. The agency doesn’t track how many passengers are subject to pat-down searches after they pass through an imaging scanner. People who decline to use this screening technology are automatically subject to physical searches.

While passengers may find the process more intrusive, the new screening procedure isn’t expected to increase overall airport security delays. However, “for the person who gets the pat down, it will slow them down,” Anderson said.

 

Especially if they have trouble walking afterwards.

Spotter: Consumerist

Posted: 8th, March 2017 | In: Reviews, The Consumer | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


You can buy George W. Bush’s portraits of US military veterans

Former US president George W. Bush’s portrait of post-9/11 US veterans is on sale. Called Portraits of Courage: A Commander in Chief’s Tribute to America’s Warriors, all author proceeds will be donated to the George W. Bush Presidential Center, “a non-profit organization whose Military Service Initiative works to ensure that post-9/11 veterans and their families make successful transitions to civilian life with a focus on gaining meaningful employment and overcoming the invisible wounds of war”.

The book’s authorship and the eponymous ‘Center’ suggest the project is mostly about Bush, rather than the veterans. But do we mind the grandstanding so long as the hurt get help?

Can we overlook what many see as the ‘lies‘ that led to Bush declaring the “second stage of the war on terror” on 11 March 2002, six months after 9/11? The Bush administration went looking for the enemy. It identified Saddam Hussein and then hunted around for a cause to get him. Was the Iraqi leader behind 9/11? Did Saddam have Weapons of mass destruction?

Was it as New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd put it ‘the latest chapter in the culture wars, the conservative dream of restoring America’s sense of Manifest Destiny. Extirpating Saddam is about proving how tough we are to a world that thinks we got soft when that last helicopter left the roof of the American embassy in Saigon in 1975’?

 

bush portraits courage

 

Is this book a self-help book for Bush, who only continued the long-held US policy of intervening in foreign affairs?

The book’s blurb tells us:

Each painting in this meticulously produced hardcover volume is accompanied by the inspiring story of the veteran depicted, written by the President. Readers can see the faces of those who answered the nation’s call and learn from their bravery on the battlefield, their journeys to recovery, and the continued leadership and contributions they are making as civilians. It is President Bush’s desire that these stories of courage and resilience will honor our men and women in uniform, highlight their family and caregivers who bear the burden of their sacrifice, and help Americans understand how we can support our veterans and empower them to succeed.

So long as it helps, right…

Posted: 5th, March 2017 | In: Books, Politicians | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Champagne Gun: make mine a magnum

champagne gun

 

The champagne gun might be the most stupid thing we’ve ever seen. And we love it. Fire at will!

 

Posted: 22nd, February 2017 | In: The Consumer | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Turning an £80 bottle of melted iceberg water into whine

I love bottled water. It makes the humble look exceptional. One Guardian writer is less impressed. She says bottled water is “ignorant, insensitive and irresponsible”. You see how interesting water has become. A simple glass of water is now steeped in meaning. You can talk about at dinner parties. Katherine Purvis says, “It’s just another ugly indicator of our world’s many inequalities”. Discuss.

We’ve reached peak bottled water. From today, for a sweet £80, Harrods will sell ‘luxury water’ harvested from icebergs off the coast of Svalbard.

If people want to spend lots of cash on bottled water, so be it.

In other hydration news to natter about, the Guardian says Brexit ‘threatens the craft beer revolution’.

The paper attempts to answer the questions they’re all asking in Sudan, ‘So what’s the best wine club to join?’ and ‘Are expensive wines worth the money?’. One writer warns that if you do spend £100 on a bottle of wine ‘you’d better be braced for sanctimony and ridicule’.

Another Guardian writer is struggling: ‘With champagne being promoted at anything between £9 and £126 this Christmas, it’s almost impossible to know what’s good value.’

No kidding.

Anyhow, mine’s a pint of melted artisan ice-berg (hold the celebrity). I’m driving.

 

Posted: 16th, February 2017 | In: Broadsheets, The Consumer | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Outrage! Muslim finds pork in non halal Whitbread pub dinner

Big news on the Sun’s cover is that teetotal Muslims who eat at Brewer’s Fayre and Whitbread Inn pubs will be “outraged” to learn their beef lasagne contains pork. How many Muslims are shocked, dismayed and angered by the presence of non-kosher meats in their non-halal stomach liner could run into the single digits.

The cheesy beef lasagne is, we’re told, 8.5 percent beef and 4.5 per cent pork.

The meal is made by Creative Foods in Flint, Wales. The Sun recalls that in 2013 Creative “sold lasagne containing horse DNA to Whitbread”. Which, as any Italian will tell you, made it pretty authentic.

Posted: 10th, January 2017 | In: Strange But True, Tabloids, The Consumer | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


A Chinese clickfarmer at work on her apple iPhones

clickfarmer china iphone

 

If you’re too busy to tweet yourself, you can outsource the task and others to the woman above. She’s a clickfamer installing apps on a screen of Apple iphones. The more installs an app has the higher it ranks on Apple’s marketplace.

For a $11,000 one-off payment – plus  $65,000-a-week for upkeep – you too can ensure your crappy appy hits the Top 10 of free apps. You can hire a cheat / marketeer to game the system on China’s Taobao.

The original photo was tweeted on Weibo with the caption, “Hard-working App Store ranking manipulation employee.”

Apple tries to prevent PC-based iPhone emulation programs (bots) made for this purpose and bans apps that use them, so manual labor is the best way to ensure the closest simulation of actual users.

A search for “app store ranking manipulation” (刷榜 app store) on Taobao, China’s most popular C2C ecommerce site, reveals dozens upon dozens of vendors selling similar services. Their prices are listed as one yuan, but it’s more likely that the real negotiations take place through direct chat.

Can you hire out your iPhone for the day to do this? Asking for a friend.

Spotter: JWZ

Posted: 3rd, January 2017 | In: Online-PR, Technology, The Consumer | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Game of Thrones spoilers

Books. Ever hear of them?  The Sun says “SHOCK LEAK Game of Thrones fans sent into a frenzy as ‘entire plot for season seven leaks online’”. Games of Thrones is based on a series of books by George R.R. Martin. If you want to know what happens in the TV version, why not just, you know, read the books?

Yes, yes, the TV version does differ from the books. Producer David Benioff says the show is “about adapting the series as a whole and following the map George laid out for us and hitting the major milestones, but not necessarily each of the stops along the way”. But you get the gist of the plot.

The Mail says “a Reddit user going by the name awayforthelads posted an enormous list of very detailed spoilers”.

How do we know to trust awayforthelads? Maybe they made it up? After all, the Sun looks at the leaks and says it is”reveals a pregnancy and a saucy romp between two main characters”. Sex in Game of Thrones is like the weather at the end of the evening news. It’s expected. As for a pregnancy, the show is about dynasties. Kids are part of the process.

And then comes the truly conniving part: the Mail wants to turn the taps open on that leak.

 

Game of thrones spoilers

 

If you want to read the leaks, you can, of course. If you enjoy escapism, you might want to pass over the leaks and just wait for the entertainment.

 

Posted: 8th, November 2016 | In: Books, Reviews, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Closing time at Australia’s The Grove Hill hotel

Ever go to Australia’s The Grove Hill hotel, a watering hole between Darwin and Katherine, in what might best be termed ‘the middle of nowhere’?  The place is closing. Owner Stan Heausler wanted to sell it but no buyers came forward. Now in his 80s, ‘Stan The Man’ has had enough.

He might continue to drink a bottle of rum a day, as is his won, but he won’t be doing it at the Grove.

 

 More details Grove Hill pub in February 1942 Unknown - http://www.territorystories.nt.gov.au/browse?type=location&value=Grove Hill. Grove Hill pub in February 1942

Grove Hill pub in February 1942

Stories abound about the pub “built in 1934 from materials scavenged from abandoned mining sites in the aftermath of the Great Depression.”

“We were in Victoria dredging for gold, me and Derek, and there was a total eclipse,” says one patron. “We were in the Beechworth pub, I was only 17 … He drank everyone’s beer in the bar while they were out looking at the eclipse. I had an old 350 twin motorbike and we got half a carton under each arm, but going up the hill he fell off the back. For weeks later we were picking cans off the road, picking them up every time we went into town.”

The Northern Territory hotel just existed. “It’s not a great little pub,” says Darwin restaurant owner Lars. “It’s just been here for so fucking long, no one really gives a shit. It’s just been here.”

PS: any gold left in the land, Stan? “We used to sell gold nuggets, ” he recalls, “but the locals had run out of them so we’ve got to wait for them to find some more.”

Posted: 3rd, November 2016 | In: Reviews, The Consumer | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Malaysian religious government says hot dogs are un-Islamic

Hot dogs are un-Islamic, says the Malaysian Islamic Development Department (MIDD). To receive halal certification,the MIDD, a religious government body, says hot dogs must be renamed.

MIDD’s Sirajuddin Suhaimee explains says: “In Islam, dogs are considered unclean and the name cannot be related to halal certification.”

Yes, but the hot dog contains no dogs, it being most often a composite blend of pigs’s scrotum, anus and lips.

“Malaysian halal food guidelines say halal food and halal artificial flavour shall not be named or synonymously named after non-halal products such as ham, bak kut teh, bacon, beer, rum and others that might create confusion,” he adds.

The Auntie Anne store has been refused halal certification unless it renamed its “Pretzel Dog”. Mr Suhaimee says it should be called a Pretzel Sausage”.

And in keeping with Islamic law, Auntie Anne might care to ‘circumcise’ the tip of its Fat Torpedo:

 

hot dogs auntie anne preztel islam

Warts and all

 

Posted: 20th, October 2016 | In: Reviews, Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


For Sale at Clinton fundraiser: the Donald Trump paddle ball gag

Donald Trump paddle ball gag

 

Presidential Tat Watch spots this “Donald Trump Paddle Ball” on sale at the Gagosian’s Benefit for Clinton, Art For Hillary.

Designed by New York sculptor Elliott Arkin, the wooden paddle features a likeness of Donald Trump’s face. The mouth is open. The idea is that you smack the red rubber ball into Trump’s pie hole.

Arkin’s work references Koons’s Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer paddle ball game from 2000.  “I often use existing contemporary works to satirize. Since Koons has made that print of the Mona Lisa for this event, I thought his Rudolph paddle ball was a natural fit for Trump,” he says.

Konn’s Mona Lisa repo costs Clinton fans – get this – $50,000.

To even things up, Arkin has also made a Hillary Clinton Flash Drive an 8 megabyte flash drive in the shape of a miniature Clinton. You pop off Clinton’s noggin – decapitate it, if you will – and reveal the device.

Whether the data storage device contains any data, like emails, say, or has been accidentally wiped clean by forces unknown is unsaid.

Spotter: ArtInfo

Posted: 12th, October 2016 | In: Politicians, Reviews, The Consumer | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Brexit: Guardian says Zara shoppers epitomise the working class

What does it mean to be working class? Aditya Chakrabortty knows. Having analysed the 17m people who voted to leave the European Union and found them “delusional”, he tells Guardian readers what it is to be working class:

What the pound’s weakness will chiefly achieve is to stop Britons buying as much. The middle classes will swap the wonders of the Alhambra for a week in Anglesey. The working classes will find Zara 15% more expensive.

 

working class

Tops, shits, hobnail boots and hats by Zara. Grime: models’ own

 

The working classes rather enjoy packages holidays to Spain. But, yeah, shopping at Zara is just what defines the working class, those people employed in the blue collar trades who having put food on the table and coins in the gas metre can’t afford market-stall schmutter and catalogue shopping and are forced to do with Zara fashions.

PS: In April the Guardian increased its cover price in the UK by 20p, taking the cost of the weekday print edition to £2 and Saturday edition to £2.90. The working class should form an orderly queue at the newsagents.

Posted: 12th, October 2016 | In: Broadsheets, Money, Reviews, The Consumer | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Douglas Fairbanks Jnr makes Fettuccini for Four: Nobs & Nosh – Eating with the Beautiful People

Douglas Fairbanks Jnr. shares his Fettuccini for Four:

 

In 1975 Allan Warren published Nobs & Nosh – Eating with the Beautiful People featuring his photographs of stars, VIPS and toffs accompanied with recipes and their thoughts on food.

Douglas Fairbanks Jnr. shares his Fettuccini for Four:

Cook the fettuccini until aldente – not soft – and then drain well.

Add: 1 cup of thick cream, 3 tablespoons of butter, 3/4 cup of Parmesan cheese.

Mix carefully and slowly, so as not to break the fettuccini. Serve immediately.

The book is fabulous. Read it all on Flashbak.

Posted: 11th, October 2016 | In: Books, Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Arsenal’s Petr Cech sells woolly hats like the helmet he hates

You can now dress like Arsenal goalkeeper Petr Cech. The Metro calls Cech a “superb businessman” because he’s noticed the weather gets colder in winter and people buy more hats to stay warm.

The hat “looks exactly like his trademark helmet” – the lid Cech wears ever since he suffered a fractured skull playing for Chelsea in 2006.

The “PETR CECH knitted helmet” includes chin strap and “embroidered signature”.

 

cech knitted hat

 

The hat is not al that pretty. And Cech doesn’t like it.

“I would be more confident if I had it off. If you like it or not, the helmet affects your surroundings,” he told Tyden. “You have your ears covered and it makes hearing worse.”

They’ll fly of the shelves.

Posted: 9th, October 2016 | In: Arsenal, Sports, The Consumer | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Howard Gayle and ‘Digger’ Barnes: When Liverpool FC rejected racism

Howard Gayle was the first black footballer to play for Liverpool. The State wanted to reward Toxteth-born Gayle for footballing whilst black and working with the anti-racism charity Kick It Out with an MBE (Member of the Order of the British Empire). But Gayle, 58, was unimpressed.

 

howard gayle liverpool

 

He explains why he rejected the gong:

If they want to be inclusive and accepting of black people around the UK and the Commonwealth, then they need to change the title of it – as it’s an exclusive club being an MBE or OBE or one of those gongs.

A lot of people around the world contacted me to say they accepted my decision and that the title of MBE did rankle.

In his book 61 Minutes In Munich, Gaytle talks about the racism that was rife in football and society. In the 1970s and 1980s, English football was infected by racism.

Gayle recalls an episode with Liverpool enforcer Tommy ‘Anfield Iron’ Smith.

Tommy tried to distract me by making nasty comments related to the colour of my skin. For a while, I somehow managed to restrain myself…

I received the ball, controlled it, and lashed a shot towards goal. Tommy Smith was on the other team and it hit him on the leg. It clearly stung and some of the other players started laughing. I had a smile on my face as well. I saw it as karma. Tommy responded with a tirade of abuse. It was ‘black this, black that’.

The place went quiet. Everybody could hear it, including the staff. He was a legend. I was a nothing. Nobody said a word.

I’d had enough of him (Smith): this bitter old man. So I went over and squared up: nose to nose. I looked at him dead in the eye.

“You know what, Tommy; one night you’ll be taking a piss at home and I’ll be there waiting for you with a baseball bat,” I said, calmly. “And then we’ll see what you’ve got to say.”

I wanted to start a fight with him. And then he walked away…

Graeme Souness was the only one that came over in the immediate aftermath. “Well done, Howard,” he said. “Tommy deserved that”. Graeme was a true leader.

Other might have just lamped Smith.

He adds:

After I left, John Barnes became the first black player to be signed by Liverpool from another club. He quickly earned the nickname of ‘Digger’, after Digger Barnes in the Dallas television series. Personally, I wouldn’t have accepted that because of its closeness to the ‘N’ word.

Hyper-sensitive? Seeing racial undertones in a nickname given to player who would be idolised at Anfield?

Things have changed. Now professional football might well be the lest colour conscious occupation in Britain – one in four of professional footballers is black.

Via: Guardian

Posted: 7th, October 2016 | In: Back pages, Books, Liverpool, Sports | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Mother gets ‘keepsake’ vibrator stuck up her anus

Emma Phillips, Wallasey, Wirral, is the trainee teacher who got a large dildo stuck in her anus (?). This is no secret. Emma has not been exposed or outed in some way. She wants to tell us all about her “embarrassing” accident because it is a “taboo” we need to be warned about.

She’s told her story to Mercury Press, who have sold it to the Daily Mirror. How you prove the story of the vanishing viby is a moot point. Emma just wants to tell us about it. And we are all ears.

And no giggling as “Emma offers a thumbs up from her hospital bed”. Let’s hope she washes it first and removed any false fingernails.

 

women with dildo stuck in vagina

 

One day her child will get to read about the tale of “Mum-of-one Emma Phillips”, her partner Lee Miller, 29, and the the 7 inch sex toy that “disappeared”.

Highlights are:

When she leaned forward she could feel it vibrating inside her bottom wedged behind her hip.

Lee tried to extract the toy with a fork handle and BBQ prongs before calling for an ambulance.

In Wrexham hospital Emma underwent the “minute-and-a-half surgery which involved placing a camera down her throat and the surgeon pressing on her stomach before manually extracting i”.

And “Doctors offered her the toy as a keepsake but she decline”.

Next week: I got a BBQ stuck inside my vagina.

 

Posted: 7th, October 2016 | In: Key Posts, Reviews, Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Cinema ticket alternative makes everyone look like George Clooney

Alcohol remains relatively good value. Cinema tickets less so. Laura Donnelly is shocked, telling Telegraph readers: “Alcohol now so cheap 13 pints can be bought for price of cinema ticket.”

Or to flip that: Cinema is so expensive you can buy 13 pints and watch telly for the price of one ticket.

She writes:

Teenagers are able to buy more than 13 pints of cider for the price of a cinema ticket, according to a new report which says children are being put at risk by “pocket money prices.”

Teenagers buying cider? Do they get it cheaper than the rest of us. She means people over 18, right?

The study from the Alcohol Health Alliance says supermarkets are selling alcohol at prices that are attracting children and harmful drinkers, because of the absence of minimum prices.

And now the facts:

Consumers could buy two and a half bottles of the cheapest white cider – Frosty Jacks – containing more than 13 pints for the standard £8.24 paid for an off-peak cinema tickets, the study found.

You can get big bottles of cider for the price of a discount cinema tickets. Why not forgo a peak-time trip to the cinema and buy a bottle of champagne?

PS: drink enough and everyone looks like a movie star – in glorious technicolour (yawn).

 

 

cinema ticktes

Posted: 6th, October 2016 | In: Broadsheets, Key Posts, Money, Reviews, The Consumer | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


This official Liverpool clock plays You’ll Never Walk Alone on the hour!

We are indebted to Pies for this gem of an item for Liverpool fans looking to buy a clock. The Bradford Exchange are offering this £197.94 ‘Liverpool FC Stadium clock’, an officially licensed piece of merchandise to enliven any wall.

It is what Bill Shankly and Bob Paisley would have wanted.

 

Liverpool clock ugly

 

Plays You’ll Never Walk Alone on the hour! Every hour!

 

Posted: 4th, October 2016 | In: Liverpool, The Consumer | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The 4,000 per cent cup of coffee hike that holds no water

As newspaper investigations go, the Mail’s look at the piece of coffee 30,000 feet in the air aboard a plane is weaker than a happy hour cocktail in Riyadh. In “Revealed: How low-cost airlines inflate the price of in-flight coffee by up to 4,000 per cent”, Qin Xie repurposes as bit of PR from Kayak.co.uk, which “looked at the prices for coffee on five low-cost airlines departing from the UK – Ryanair, easyJet, Thomas Cook, Flybe and Jet2 – and compared them with the cost of making the same beverage at home.”

 

Ryanair coffee

Budget airline unveils new low-cost seats

 

Unless you live aboard a passenger jet, the relative costs don’t hold water. But undeterred by the obvious, the Mail ploughs on:

For example, the cost of a cup of Lavazza coffee on Ryanair is the equivalent of £2.55 when converted from euros. But if you purchased the same coffee at supermarkets, available in 100g tins for £3, each serving comes in at just six pence.

This means a mark-up of 4,150 per cent was applied to the coffee.

What does a cup of coffee cost in high-street coffee shops, like Nero or Costa, or in a local greasy spoon cafe? Qin Xie doesn’t mention that.

But look out for the Mail campaign for the right for passengers to take aboard their own kettles, coffee granules and mugs.

PS –  And look out for other ‘revelations’ on other things that cost more when not bought in bulk and consumed in the home, like, well everything.

 

Posted: 1st, October 2016 | In: Money, Reviews, The Consumer | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0