Anorak

The Consumer | Anorak - Part 96

The Consumer Category

We bring you the chic and unique, the best and most bizarre shopping offers both online and offline. We offer you tips on where to buy, and some of the less mainstream and crazy, individual and offbeat items on the internet. Anything that can be bought and sold can be featured here. And we love showcasing the best and worst art and design.

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s Incredible Photos Are Robot Porn

ROSIE Huntington-Whiteley is taking over form Megan fox as the object of teenage boys’ adolescent daydreams as the Tansformers’ films love interest. She is also the face of Burberry, and the backside, bra, bosom and thighs of Victoria’s Secret, The … READ ON

Posted: 12th, August 2010 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Jedward Work As Foamy Gnome Ballast: Pictures

JEDWARD, the epitome of Simon Cowell’s gift to music and NOT mephedrone freaks have been launching the Rowntree’s Randoms ‘Foamy Gnome on the Roam’ tour, in Richmond Park. The Foamy Gnome has left his flatmates, Jedward, behind and is … READ ON

Posted: 12th, August 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comments (2) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Property Porn Pictures: A Look Inside London’s £140m Flat At One Hyde Park

PROPERTY porn time, readers, as we take you inside the world’s most expensive flat, a £140m property on the Knightsbridge side of London’s Hyde Park (dyslexic readers may read Hype Park).

The compact and bijou residence is a unit … READ ON

Posted: 11th, August 2010 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comments (5) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Sexy C-String For Your ‘Sexy Area’ – A Video

“THE Sexy C-String For Your Sexy Area” can be worn under “skirts, dresses etcetera”…

Your present-a is vewy interwested in fings. Next stop for her, readin’ der whevver on channall fyve in her C-string…

Small, medium or large? Or all … READ ON

Posted: 4th, August 2010 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Marks & Spencer’s Plus Fit Range For Fat Kids Is Typo Of The Year

MARKS & Spencer’s is offering for sale a uniform for the fat. They’ve beaten Gerry Cottle to it.

M&S is selling school blazers for obese three-year-olds and school uniforms in a size 18.

Says one shopper:

“I’ve been waiting for

READ ON

Posted: 26th, July 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Lucozade Linked To Hyperacticity: Pushy Parents Rush To Buy Stocks

HAPPY days for mums and dads looking to make their sons the next Wayne Rooney – the makers of Lucozade and Irn-Bru tells parents that the drinks may cause hyperactivity.

It’s no guarantee – but fingers crossed that without enough … READ ON

Posted: 25th, July 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Subtle Butt Is Your Personal Fart Neutralizer, With Video

YOU’VE experienced the wonder of “The Fart-Eating Blanket For A Better Marriage”. Now thrill to the Subtle Butt a filtering system for your anal emissions.

Says the blurb:

“Subtle Butt” is a piece of fabric that has

READ ON

Posted: 22nd, July 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comments (4) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Elvis Presley’s Autopsy Is For Sale: Pictures

THANKS to the good people at Leslie Hindman Auctioneers, you can buy some of the instruments used on Elvis Presley autopsy. It being what the King would have wanted. On August 12, 2010 – “just four days before the … READ ON

Posted: 21st, July 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comments (2) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Naked Meaty Peta Dumb Animal Pamela Anderson Is Banned In Canada: Pictures

PAMELA Anderson’s Peta vegetarian advert is banned in Canada. In the “sexist” adverts – which is not banned on Anorak – Pammy is inviting a cosmetic surgeon/ butcher to get to work on her “rump”, “ribs” and “breast”.… READ ON

Posted: 17th, July 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


World Cup Press Release Of The Day: The Three Lions Salad

THE World Cup is over – and it was over for England well before it as over for Spain. But how can the football be sued to sell ptroduct? McCann Erickson tries:

While the Three Lions failed to set

READ ON

Posted: 15th, July 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Rochdale Shopping Centre Installs The Iranian Squat Toilets

THE Rochdale Exchange has introduced Iranian toilets to capture the shoppers’ weapons of mass destruction.

The Iranian toilet is also known as the squat toilet, or the Nile pan. The user does not sit on the seat but rather hovers … READ ON

Posted: 14th, July 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comments (3) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Worst, Sexy, Weird And Greatest Company Names

PRESENTING a gallery of the world’s most unfortunate company names. You’ve seen the perverted company logos. You’ve thrilled to Ginger Minge and her nominative determinism class. You’re ready…

READ ON

Posted: 7th, July 2010 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comments (5) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Madonna’s Photos For Dolce & Gabbana: The D&G Foreskin Head Sock

MADONNA is back for more youthful fashion adverts, this time for Dolce & Gabbana. The D&G Madge Veil is available by mail order from D&GBabyPereneum.com. In one picture, Madge is handling a cock, perhaps trying to milk it for a … READ ON

Posted: 6th, July 2010 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Most Useless Female Products Ever

RETAILERS loves the sexes because they can package the same item two ways. Razor for him. A vibrating dildo razor for her. We kid you not. In this gallery of the worst female-only products of all time, we see the … READ ON

Posted: 24th, June 2010 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Funniest Receipts Ever

DO enjoy this collection of receipts with humorous inserts and plain wrong details. The waitress is “slow but tries”. That fine wine you bought in the bottle shop is “cat’s wee” to the store’s owner. What do you do with … READ ON

Posted: 24th, June 2010 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Moosical Beads Dirty Cow Toy Teaches Babies About Sex

THE Moosical Beads toy sings a song for the kiddies called “Learning colours and sex, yippee!”

SHOCKED mum” is Jodie Cairns, 20. She and her partner Zac Walker, also 20, “couldn’t believe their ears” … READ ON

Posted: 22nd, June 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comments (2) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


02 Sends Letter To Woman Called ‘Mr Pedo File’: Nominative Determinism Wins

THE letter from 02, the mobile phone company, is addressed to Bolton resident ‘Mr Pedo File’. No, not nominative determinism, mums and dads. and not Mr Paedo File, a domestic predator.

The story is not that generous. Jack MeoffREAD ON

Posted: 21st, June 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The World’s Worst Product Names, Presented By Only Puke Chips

WE now continue your look at nominative determinism in consumer goods with some more Sexy Foods and products. You will learn that Terror comes in a variety of flavours, an OAP tasts better in sauce, older boys love Oily Boy, … READ ON

Posted: 21st, June 2010 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comments (3) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Hello Kitty Engine Oil Is Coming To Kill The Birds

DOES your car have Hello Kitty engine oil? Does it deserve it? Are you a pryromaniac looking for edge?

Cats kill birds –  not just sea bird.

CATS!!!

Hello Kitty Engine oil – Yes its for realREAD ON

Posted: 21st, June 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


South Africa Gets The Rape-aXe Comdom With Teeth To Fight Rape

IN South Africa, Dr. Sonnet Ehlers has developed a condom with teeth to combat rape. Dr Ehlers recalls a meeting with a rape victim who proved to be her inspiration:

“She looked at me and said, ‘If only I had

READ ON

Posted: 21st, June 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comments (3) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Fake Chinese Condoms Lubricated With Vegetable Oil

FANCY buying a bootleg Torjan condom. Anorak’s Man in a New York pickle writes:

IF you’ve ever been to New York’s Chinatown, you know it’s the place to buy bootleg designer clothing and the latest faux Luis Vuitton totes or … READ ON

Posted: 19th, June 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Driffield Porn Burger Caravan Gives Customers A Free Porn Film With Every Burger And Drink

TO the porn fast-food caravan in Driffield, East Yorkshire – aka the Driffield Porn Burger Caravan – where all customers are, allegedly, given a free porn DVD if they spent more than £5 on food and drink.

The Driffield TimesREAD ON

Posted: 18th, June 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comments (2) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Ascot Hats In Pictures: The Sheikh Who Mistook Turn Ups For A Hat

BEFORE you get to see the hats of Ascot perched atop the head of knobs and knobesses – and few interlopers in clingy dresses and shiny shoes – a word on Sheikh Mohammed Bin Rashid Al Maktoum and his entourage … READ ON

Posted: 18th, June 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comments (3) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Lithuania Labels Exported Food With Official Swastika – Marketing Fail

LITHUANIA loves the swastika. It invites you to eat the swastika. In Moscow, you can buy imported Lithuanian food with the swastika on it – a kite mark for murderous hate and civic pride. Oh, no. the swastika is not … READ ON

Posted: 15th, June 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comments (9) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Inappropriate Child’s Toy Of The Day: The Orgasmic Toy Truck

INAPPROPRIATE Child’s Toy of the Day is the orgasmic truck. You’ve seen the sexy puzzle. You’ve sung along with the “Fuck With Me” toy teddy.You’ve read about the toy gun cosh. You’ve built an atomic bomb READ ON

Posted: 10th, June 2010 | In: The Consumer | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0