Little Justin Bieber’s fallen down a mine shaft and the only thing saving him from certain doom is his pull ups snagged on a rusty nail.
So, Cat Lassie. Go!
THE Vuvuzela. Everyone has an opinion on the World Cup bugle. But you can’t hear them for the f****g buzz of a huge kazoo.
You need action. You need a dog:
After the tabloid media has worked readers into a frenzy of fat-gutted patriotic bellicosity, it will tell the same readers how pathetic the thugs are who react with violence when England lose, or win.
Anyow. Do not mess with this one. He”s well up for it:
TO Kazakhstan, where police have stopped a drunk driver wearing ice-skates. Can he walk in a straight line? Hell, no. But he can leap like a salmon and spin like a top…
Nine lives of this:
IN Today’s Guide To TV Reporting, we remind you not to stand too close to the bus crash.
The media does like be at the centre of the story – but let’s not be a statistic, people…
DOGS. You like them. So. Here’s a video of a dog getting even on a car driven by biting off the licence plate. And that’s it…
Brazil is going nuts for the Surra De Bunda, Portuguese for:
“I did me back in picking up paper clips, luv.”
The Surra De Burra is now one of the Top Five Most Lethal Dances in South America.
Take them, away, Rosa…
BOYANKA Angelova does things with a ball that will make Robert Green and World Cup footballers feel ashamed.
Take it it away Boyanka…
INTRODUCING CBS 2′s Tony Aiello who joins When Animals Attack: Pictures Of Animals Going For People. Aiello is holding a female snapping turtle. So. how doe sit feel to be snapping turtle?
The answer is swift:
“I’d like to think I have a ‘nose for news. I’m glad my nose survived in one piece.”
“I knew the creature walked slow, but snapped quick. I sure found out just how quick. No wonder snapping turtles have been around for more than 50 million years. They know how to fend for themselves.”
But they need an agent. Next weeek, an intrepid reporter investigates how man-eating tigers got their name:
TO New Zealand, where two local criminal masterminds are using a rock to attempt a break in at Empire Skate, in Herd Street, Chaffers Marina.
Says Detective Sergeant Mark Scott:
“We can see from the CCTV images, one of the offenders is seen throwing a rock at the window which then comes down and hits him on the head, at which point they flee the scene.”
Wonder that the rock doesn’t just sink into the sponge-like matter…
IN Today’s Video Guide, we teach you how not to load a jetski into a van:
EAT your heart out Spelbound and chandi – Pee Wee Herman goat wins Britain’s Got Talent. Well, he should have.
The goat does impressions. He’s propably not even a goat..
He’s that good…
The man behind the camera tells us:
I shot this after she had been going at it for a while and she’s starting to slow down. She was throwing bottles at other customers before. I know she’s Russian because that was the language she was yelling at the poor store clerk and the security guard who tried to stop her. Six cops ended up coming, and the first one pulled his gun the second he turned the corner and yelled out “Raise your arms or I’ll put a bullet in your fucking head!” While this was going on, I bought some mac & cheese from a panicking cashier.
Smash and gab:
LURKER of The Day is this chap on Greek TV who wants to appear on the magic box dressed only in a sock.
Ankle, knee or leg warmer, sir?
Note: the image looks like a trailer for the Brady Bunch home sex tape.
She gives chase. They give chase.
The thieves’ bike crashes.
A bookscase flies. Then a cupboard…
Michael, breakfast is about Jesus Christ. Well, not the Pop Tarts, obviously – they are about the Devil. But the corn flakes are definitely Jesus’s…
All he needs is hammer, a car and closed window.
To help us, the hard of understanding, better know how a car window breaks when hit by a hammer, the reporter has a hammer and a window.
Roll VT. And check the door isn’t open:
Look on as the boy is playing on the escalator. His hand gets stuck on the handrail. He can’t get off – until he reaches the end. Behind him is what appears to be a blind man. He is doomed.
But then… – Because of someone called Jones (see below) here’e another version:
ON May 5th it was Mukhtar birthday. He’s a bus-driver in Copenhagen. Flashmobs are by a rule annoying tossers who crave organised ritual. But sometimes it can be touching:
THE Virgin Mary has been beheaded. Into the church she comes, held high on a plinth. The nuns look on. the men wait. They pause. Then they toss her to the floor and lob off her head.
Not to worry, though, the Virgin Mary has many heads, as our gallery shows…
BECAUSE the media loves nothing more than talking about the media and how important it is, here’s NBC correspondent Mark Potter in Louisiana to report on the BP oil spill for the Today show and to illustrate the story “Man Swallows Fly”.
Back to the studio for a heated debate…
He turned his back on showbiz and went to live on the Benji Refuge a refuge in Arizona.
Flipper, Cheetah and Skippy are all there.
And they don’t take too kindly to visitors.
IN this CCTV footage, taken from a Russian supermarket, the young man is leaving in the traditional fashion. He is having his collar felt and his genitals exposed. NSFW:
TO Saltergate for a match between Chesterfield v Bournemouth. A goal! A pitch invasion!! A wheelchair pitch invasion!!! Next up the wheelchair streak…