Anorak TV Category
Television and radio programme reviews, trailers, highlights, twilights and cinema news. Also the neglected gems from years past.
WHEN Iceland closed the air above the UK and Western Europe, birds sang and the skies were full of larks and emptiness. Then the skies reopened. The planes returned. Flightradar24.com and Ito World logged the changes in air space and created what looks like a sperm for each flight. Not much action over France and Spain but you get the idea…
WERNER Herzog Reads Where’s Waldo for your benefit and for the benfit of mankind…
ADVERT of The Day: How to put out a Japanese fire with your face. If you see a fire. If you want to help. Puncture your face with a large stick and do the right thing.*
* May incur light-headedness and death.
HOW’S the water? How does it feel? A reporter finds out…
THE Flip Flop man of Coachella is having trouble with his shoes. While you enjoy his mania, look at how clean and tidy the festival goers are. It’s not a music festival, it’s a GAP TV commercial. With Peaches Geldof on pants…
THE cameraman has run out of water and the man neds to know what the baboon knows: where’s the pond?
Spotter: Cynical C
IT’S Christiaan Van Vuuren, the Fully Sick Rapper. Vuuren, of Sydney, scored a drug-resistant strain of tuberculosis while holidaying Argentina. Back in Oz, he was placed in isolation. He’s been there since Jan. 18.
HAVING introduced you to Robot Mouth, we now bring you Robot Mouth sings Tralala in the style of Russian beat box legend Eduard Hill, aka Eduard Anatolyevich.
Take ‘em away, Robot Mouth.
(Robot Mouth also doubles as novelty singing sex toy for all your family parties.
Billy the Big Mouth Bass remains agog.)
PRESENTING the greatest fail ever – The Taekwondo Punch. Ahem…
Russell Brand, you can’t beat this for priapic wit. Vagina Nose is the future of TV presenting.
This is also how they keep Mick Jagger in tune.
And it’s also a Muslim safety glove.
WANT to see a video of a Russian bear wearing a négligée , dancing to Soviet rock? You do? Well, with Anorak TV, you’re in luck. This is what happens when Daddy Bear and Goldilocks had an affair:
THIS Week’s Driving Tip of the day is brought to you by the Russian driver who tried to navigate his vehicle between one car towing another car. In Russia, this is how you drive. You pick the shortest route and go for it. If anyone is in the way, hoot the horn. If a building is in the way, hoot harder…
MEET Scoop The Pelican. Scoop is on a Missouri television station, showing everyone how he got his name by cracking news stories and biting Walt on the penis. Twice. “Why is Scoop so angry?” Answer: because he can’t get at the braying, shrill-voiced harridan of a newscaster. Run VT. Run, Walt. Run!
DOES the Internet really exist or is it all just a conspiracy? “Join us in this quest for justice and truth where facts and fiction will meet each other on an epic battle in the name of journalism.”
Lin Yu Chun is the one.
CLAUDIO Montuori introduces the musical interlude of the day. In Lisbon, Portugal, Claudio Montuori is waiting to be discovered. Spike Jones – eat yer heart out. Ladies and germs, Mr Claudio Montuori…
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LISTEN up, cowboy. In today’s National Service Training Video we tell you how to toss a grenade. You toss a grenade..? Yes, you, madam, in the England whites and hooked hands. Yes, that’s right, you toss a grenade “far”.
In this video a Chinese soldiers tosses his grenade into the bunker wall. Problem is that he’s stood in the bunker.
EVERYONE wants to be a Single Lady with Beyonce. “You can be a Single Lady if you want.” So says Mum. Mummy knows best. Mums have been creating single ladies for eons. Daddy wants more from his son. Shiloh Pitt understands.
MOVE over Tiger Woods, make way for Miodrag Gidra Stojanovic. He holds the world record for ‘Serbian Push Ups”. Miodrag Gidra Stojanovic can thrust 50 in 10 seconds and 29,449 in 24 hours:
WHO needs Wayne Rooney to stamp on your goolies when you can make you own entertainment? Not that game lad:
EVER wonder what the Daily Mail sounds like? Anorak always thought it was the clack of marmalade-coated tongue hitting the roof of the Arkela’s mouth. What does spite and fear sound like? Surrey? It turns out it also sounds like Dan and Dan:
ON Russia’s version of QVC – QVCCCP – the wonderful Blade Sharpener Demonstration Fail is the go. Look on in wonder as with theses scissor sharpeners not only do you get a handy gadget but you ALSO get a man to switch the old crappy scissors for a new pair of blades that actually work.
THE week’s news round-up is brought to you by Finnish morning news anchor Kirsi Alm-Siira.
Vid Spotter: The Daily Wh.at
TODAY’S polar bear news is hijacked by Meow Meow the angry panda. Once pandas where the big bears on the news agenda. Then the polar bears started sitting on ice and melting it to make them look small and hopeless.
The media lapped it up and the pandas were shafted. One a brighter note, with less gawping, the pandas have been shagging like Jesse James at a Tiger Woods pro-priest invitational and there are now millions perhaps billions of them.