Big Brother 8’s Sex Chimp
THIS year’s Big Brother will feature a…
Ok. To make it even more exciting, we’ll let the audience participate.
This year’s Big Brother will feature:
a) An orange bigot with nipples adapted to dispense curry sauce (left) and vodka and pineapple (right)
b) A chimpanzee called Armani
c) A bisexual nymphomaniac
They might all be correct answers. But the Star today sticks with the sensational news that Big Brother 8 will be populated by a twentysomething-year-old secretary who can’t get by without sex.
Readers may well recall last season’s Richard, who arrived under the banner the “Sexual Terrorist”.
On one level Richard was right: the idea of sex with the Canadian pedant was truly terrible. But on the other level– the idea that he would prowl the Big Brother rooms like an urban guerrilla, threatening to blow (up) everyone and everything in sight was overstated.
So what of this new sex addict? She is blonde. She claims to have slept with more than 200 lovers since her teens.
An insider tells us:
“Having a bisexual contestant who also happens to be a nympho is a double bonus because you’re definitely guaranteed some romps.
“With the show lasting three months, she is gonna be chasing the lads – and the lasses – every week. This girl has no inhibitions whatsoever.
“All wannabes are always asked: ‘Would you have sex on TV?’ And most of them say ‘Yes’, thinking this will guarantee them a place on the show.
“But in their heart of hearts they would never have nookie in front of millions of viewers.
“But producers can suss who is lying and with this woman they could see she would live up to expectations.
“She made no bones about the fact that she’d have sex on telly, or, indeed, anywhere.
“She even joked: ‘I’ll have it in the car park in front of Davina, if you want.’ So it looks like all the housemates are going to be in for a shock when she turns up.
“The girl is sex mad.”
Big Brother 8 promises to be quite some show. What with the binge drinking, the fighting and the sex, it will be like watching CCTV in better focus…
May 19th, 2007 at 11:35 am
[...] Big Brother 8?s Sex Chimp - Anorak.co.uk (satire)Big Brother 8?s Sex ChimpAnorak.co.uk (satire), UK - 13 minutes agoBut the Star today sticks with the sensational news that Big Brother 8 will be populated by a twentysomething-year-old secretary who can?t get by without … [...]
May 19th, 2007 at 1:33 pm
What a load of crap, i used to like big bro but this sounds horrid!!! has that girl got no respect for her family, if she wants to act like a dirty unpaid whore then so be it but im sure her family wont enjoy the abuse they will get on the street for it. Dont get me wrong Im far from a nun myself but id never put my family through that.
May 19th, 2007 at 8:28 pm
ew?
May 21st, 2007 at 11:35 am
We think it is a great idea!!!
We’re not lesbians or nethin but wat a great way to make people watch it!
After wat happened last series we think it will be quite funny and it int that they have no respect they will just be having a laugh … who doesnt!
We quite like the idea of the bath in the bedroom, im sure people will be very dirty in there … get it ?!?!?
Anyway we are counting the hours so we hope you will enjoy the series as much as we will
May 21st, 2007 at 6:20 pm
an “unpaid whore” ? w.t.f.
May 30th, 2007 at 3:55 pm
Counting the hours!
http://www.myparkmag.co.uk/articles/celebs/tv-news/big-brother-is-back.jsp