Corporate Hostility: Premier League Business

ALL you need to to win the Premier League - or at last compete - is to get your club a billionaire owner. Manchester United and Chelsea are rich, and they come first and second, again.

Mark Steel looks at some other possible new chairmen:

Now it’s Charlton that may be bought by Middle Eastern businessmen. No billionaire feels complete any more without a football club. As Sunderland have been promoted, they’ll probably be bought by the Queen. And her Christmas speech will begin “This was a year that will mostly be remembered for the frustrating 2-2 draw at the Reebok Stadium.”

Tottenham will become the subject of a bidding war between Osama Bin Laden and Kim Jong-Il, supreme leader of North Korea. The Bin Laden bid will win because of his superior record in arranging facilities at training camps, and his experience of providing funds for new team members when the old ones need replacing. The board will announce that this proves his committment to a squad system. Then there’ll be those interviews with fans on Sky Sports yelling “The main thing is whether he can get us into the quarter-finals of the Uefa Cup”, and before each home game as the new chairman takes his seat they’ll all sing “Holy Jihad na-na-na-na-na-naaaa.”

Anorak

Posted: 9th, May 2007 | In: Twitterings Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink