Anorak News | A Serious Undertaking

A Serious Undertaking

by | 22nd, July 2002

‘IF Norris wants to live long enough attend the next Shirley Bassey tour, he’s going to have to stop annoying Richard.

Richard finally lost his temper with Norris after he successfully persuaded Rita not to hand over her life savings.

‘I think I’m going to have to shut you up,’ growled Richard as he grabbed Norris off the street and drove him to the hammer house of horrors – where both Dougie and Patricia met their ends.

After a spot of light terrorising, Richard let a shaking Norris go. Richard has got through all his little old ladies’ savings and with the cost of the wedding building up, he’s getting desperate.

Gail let slip that Audrey had just told her that she was going to leave them everything in her will. ‘But I plan to be around for years to come,’ reassured Audrey. Not if Richard’s got anything to do with it. He’s already asked Archie the undertaker to do him a quote.

And on the subject of Archie, it seems as if he’s in demand amongst ladies of a certain, post-menopausal age.

Blanche is broken-hearted that he’s dumped her for not being able to keep her mouth shut (which would be an advantage in a younger girlfriend) and now Audrey’s asked him to take her to Gail’s wedding. Maybe it’s the eau de embalming fluid that gets them going.

Doreen, Maxine’s mum, is continuing to wreak havoc at her daughter and son-in-law’s. She’s now hired Les as a handy man (surely the biggest contradiction in terms ever), who promptly charged Ashley 60 quid for laying a lawn with chunks of turf stolen from Weatherfield Comp.

Maxine and Ashley insisted on driving Doreen home but only to find that her husband had changed the locks. If only they’d thought of it too. Having discovered that she’s got nowhere else to go, the Peacocks had no choice but to take her back in again. I suspect it won’t be long before Ashley’s pencilling in the services of Archie himself.

On the other side of the Street, Kevin the gerbil has asked to move back in with Sally and ‘the girls’. Is this man some sort of masochist? Few men escape with their lives from the clutches of the Black Widow of Weatherfield. It’s difficult to have any sympathy for one who actively chooses to go back for more.

Besides, everyone knows that gerbils can’t live on a diet of spaghetti hoops and fish fingers. ‘

Posted: 22nd, July 2002 | In: Strange But True Comment | TrackBack | Permalink