Anorak News | Cheesed Off

Cheesed Off

by | 30th, August 2002

‘THE WORLD’S richest vagrant is getting it in the neck again from the Enquirer.

”Would you like cheese with that, sir?”

We have noted before how Brad Pitt’s appearance increasingly resembles that of a down-and-out ”street person”. Now the fragrant Jennifer Aniston is getting in his face – or at least, she would be if she could reach it through his beard.

The beard is described as ”horrible” by an ”eyewitness”, and we have no reason to doubt them. ”Jennifer can’t stand the face fur,” says a ”friend”. ”It irritates her skin when they make love.”

He has other faults, too, such as dressing in the same clothes day after day, which offends Aniston, ”a clean-freak who loves to take scented baths”. Lately she has been encouraging Brad to take them with her, apparently.

Then there is Brad’s fondness for pigging out on junk food like Taco Bell, Domino’s Pizza, Twizzlers, Frosted Flakes, Mountain Dew, ice cream, and of course beer (eight Ace, presumably).

But it is in this respect that the beard comes in handy for Jen. She has put Brad on a low-fat diet, so when he came home one night with ”some strange guck stuck to his beard” she was able to examine it with a magnifying glass and had no trouble detecting the tell-tale signs of burrito bingeing.

”That’s Taco Bell CHEESE!” she shrieked triumphantly (according to Lycia Naff’s forensically researched column). ”Well, from now on your beard will be my diet police. I’ll always know when you’re cheating on me!”

Cheating on Jennifer Aniston with a burrito? How low can a man go?

Posted: 30th, August 2002 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink