Anorak News | Time Bandits

Time Bandits

by | 17th, September 2002

‘WITH war with Iraq averted for at least the time being, the papers are looking for other ways to show how we are all doomed.

”I dunno what it says, but I reckon it’s pub time”

And the Mail finds the evidence in time. It unearths researchers who ”reckon” that 31 per cent of eight years olds cannot tell the time from a clock with hour and minute hands – what the paper calls a ”traditional clockface”.

To the man and woman in the street this might not be such bad news, but to Nick Seaton, head of an entity called the Campaign For Real Education, it is like spitting in the Queen’s face.

”It’s very serious that many children are not being taught how to tell the time effectively,” he says.

Because where would we be if we didn’t know the hour of the day? Well, we wouldn’t know when we hit 16 and were able to buy fags, or 18 and entitled to get blotto in the pub (at least until such a moment when the landlord inexplicably called ”Time”).

You see, time is important, and time spent with our children is golden.

According to more of the Mail’s cutting-edge researchers, parental affluence is an effective shield against the evils of drugs.

Apparently, youngsters who are close to their mother are more likely to be straight, and if dad’s around they’ll do well at school.

And if you do well in class, you can, in time, earn lots of money, and then pay for the surgery that will stop time in its tracks.

And then when asked how old you are, no-one will be able to tell for sure.

Posted: 17th, September 2002 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink