Anorak News | Animal Crackers

Animal Crackers

by | 16th, May 2003

‘ONE by one, our English traditions are dying out.

”Here boy…”

As historical origins have been forgotten, Guy Fawkes Night has slowly but surely become ”Fireworks Night” (or ”Bonfire Night” for those who still bother to burn a poorly-made effigy), and the whole thing will soon be totally overtaken by Halloween.

We here at Anorak have no great love for November 5th. It is after all, little more than an excuse to freeze to death while eating sausage sandwiches and watching a firework ”display” that is about as exciting as a magic lantern show to kids brought up in this age of computer-generated special effects.

So we are surprised to see that the RSPCA has chosen this late hour to launch a campaign for a quiet bonfire night, so as not to disturb cats, dogs, and urban foxes as they go about their lawful business of using our back gardens as public toilets.

The Telegraph reports that the organisation held a ”nice, quiet low-noise firework party” for MPs on Wednesday night, in an attempt to persuade them to ban bangers, rockets and other raucous pyrotechnics.

Eighty-seven per cent of RSPCA members want all fireworks to be banned outright, but the organisation claims that it doesn’t want to get rid of firework night altogether. Instead, it aims to make firweorks ”acceptable to animals” – which means nothing louder than 95 decibels.

How loud is that, you ask. The Telegraph says that it is the equivalent of ”the clap of a book landing from a table one metre high”.

And in case any readers are planning to drop the Chancellor’s Treasury report from tables of more than a metre in height on November 5th, just remember: we’re watching you.

Posted: 16th, May 2003 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink