Anorak News | Beggars Can’t Be Choosers

Beggars Can’t Be Choosers

by | 22nd, May 2003

‘WHAT is the allure of Kat Slater? She looks like David Dickinson in drag. But apparently to Alfie Moon, she’s a living Venus. ”I love her, nanna,” he sobbed to a deranged Grandma Moon. ”I just don’t know what to do.”

Every man’s deepest fear

He could start by sleeping with half of Walford, as it certainly seems to be working for Dennis Watts. Walford’s latest wooden boy, Dennis, is having a revolving door fitted in Sharon’s flat to help him keep up with demand.

At last count, he’d gone through Sam, Joanne and Kat in a day. God only knows what the young women of Albert Square see in this charmless goon, but when the only other single men in the Square are Barry Evans and Ian Beale, it’s clearly a case of beggars can’t be choosers.

Kat has finally wised up to the three-timing cheat though when Dennis calmly presented her with a pair of knickers Sharon had found down the back of her sofa. ”These ain’t mine,” she spat at him. Indeed, any fool knows that Kat never wears them.

It’s clearly only a matter of time before Kat and Alfie get together and with one eye on the ratings, I predict a Christmas wedding.

Martin is back from prison a changed man. He’s changed from a scared schoolboy into a hardened criminal. And who says prison doesn’t work?

He persuaded Vicky to burgle the Mini Mart with him. Although how much out-of-date pork pies fetch on the black market is anyone’s guess.

Gus appointed himself as Walford’s own Nick Ross from Crimewatch and tried to stop the robbery.

But of course just at the moment he arrived at the Mini Mart a police car happened to be passing and Gus got himself arrested, which at least means he’ll get a storyline for a change.

The Square’s other resident buffoon, Barry, is also getting set up for a fall. Janine has managed to worm her way into his business and now into his home.

”I owe everything to Janine,” he told a worried Natalie. Indeed, who could be more qualified to advise people on how to make money from clapped out old bangers with several previous owners than Janine?

Posted: 22nd, May 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink