Anorak News | No Anna

No Anna

by | 18th, June 2003

‘TO paraphrase the legendary Sporting Times’ mock ”death of English cricket” headline, we signal the death of women’s tennis.

Good shorts, Daniela – but could you do something about the top?

Burn the bra and put it in small A-cup, this is the day when women’s tennis died.

Anna Kournikova has pulled out of Wimbledon because she has hurt her back. How this crippling injury came about is not known, but it’s unlikely to have involved picking up a championship trophy or leaping the net in triumph.

In other sports the loss of the world’s 77th best – and falling – player would be a mere blip on the radar, but in tennis terms it’s a disaster, the death knell of the female game.

What now will the papers have to write about with Anna not in attendance? We half expect woman’s tennis to disappear completely from the papers, replaced with more shots of David Beckham.

A shot of Becks hitting a tennis ball with his wife Victoria would give the game some exposure. But it would not be enough.

It is panic stations in the world of tennis, and scouts are looking up skirts and down tops for the next star of the game.

Daniela Hantuchova is one option. She’s tall, not at all bad looking and is from the frozen wastes of East Europe. She is also stick thin, which gives us something to focus on.

We will hear about her 44-inch long legs. And then we will hear that they are too thin. There are rules about 44-inch long legs, and Daniela’s will be seen as rule-breakers.

The Mail has already started the ball rolling, saying how the ”legs of Bratislava” have become the ”spindles of Slovakia”.

It’s all building up in time for the Wimbledon championships.

But something is still missing. If Daniela could just tighten the top and raise the hemline of her skirt, the sport of women’s tennis might attract the attention it is accustomed to.

Come on, Daniela, it’s for the good of the game…

Posted: 18th, June 2003 | In: Back pages Comment | TrackBack | Permalink