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Watts Next

by | 25th, July 2003

‘DENNIS and Dalton had a ‘worst impression of a gangster’ contest this week and, in a shock result, Dalton was declared the winner. His prize was a bullet in his head to put him (and us) out of his misery.

Dennis had persuaded Phil not to kill him and the pair decided that the only way out was for Dennis to kill Dalton. ‘You’ve been like a dad to me,’ sobbed Dennis to Dalton as he promptly shot him in the head.

God knows what he’s going to do to his real dad when he returns to The Square.

Phil celebrated the news of Dalton’s demise by proposing to Kate over a curry. He had planned on cooking a romantic meal but nanny Joanne had other plans. Joanne is turning into a quality ‘Hand The Rocks The Cradle’ style mentalist.

After telling Phil that Kate slept with Dennis, she’s now determined to scupper his marriage plans. Unfortunately, the best she could come up with was pouring fish paste into his pasta sauce.

She tearfully ran out of the house and straight into Dennis’ arms, who decided she needed a special sort of Watts comforting which involved her taking her pants off. Like father like son, eh?

Back chez Mr Potato Head, Kate was just about to reply to Phil’s proposal when the Walford Flying Squad burst in to question Phil about Dalton’s murder. Walford police seem to exist for the sole purpose of investigating Phil Mitchell. If they ever do arrest him, they’ll all be out of jobs.

In some of the most distressing scenes on television since Jeffery Archer’s prison release was broadcast, in a bid to stir Barry’s ardour, Janine was shown in wet hot pants and a vest top, washing the cars in the car lot.

Bizarrely, rather than projectile vomiting, both Barry and Paul who was standing nearby, fell for her ‘charms’ and both asked her out on a date. Janine agreed to both but later revealed to Paul that she’s planning on fleecing Barry for everything he’s got.

‘He deserves it,’ smirked Janine to Paul later in bed. Indeed, anyone who fancies Janine is clearly so mentally subnormal that he shouldn’t be running a business in the first place.

And on the subject of mentally subnormal, Gary’s in the doghouse with Lynne for helping Laura prepare for the birth of their baby. Lynne is understandably not pleased to discover that Gary’s been building a cot and giving the baby presents of West Ham baby-grows (that’s definitely not right).

After giving him a ‘it’s the baby or me ‘ ultimatum, Gary agreed to go round to Laura’s to tell her he couldn’t see her any more. Of course, as soap-timing would have it, Laura happened to go into labour at that very minute.

Gary may be off the hook soon though as, between us, Laura may have entertained more than one gentleman the night she got pregnant. Jordan and Jodie watch out – there’s a new kid on the block.

Posted: 25th, July 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink