Amazing Feet

‘FEW attain true perfection.

Those who think Brad Pitt is the specimen of ultimate manhood should consider his toes. The Enquirer says that his feet are ‘ugly’ – and they are right.

Nicole always demanded a foot double for nude scenes

But nasty feet are big in Hollywood. Nicole Kidman is shown walking along the red carpet wearing open-toed sandals. And the Enquirer has seen the toes – all thirteen of them!

No, Nicole does only have the customary ten, but they are pretty awful, exposing a bright red bunion on one side.

Gwyneth Paltrow is seen walking up some stairs, a selfish move that causes an affront to the eyes as the heel on her right foot is exposed.

Is that a claw? No, just a bruise, but who knows what these things turn into without prompt treatment.

But the prize for ugly bits goes not to Brad, Nicole or Gwyneth but to Cameron Diaz who has hands that reveal her past as a char at the Sunny Glades Old People’s Home, Florida.

A smear of paint covers a small patch of her nails, and the crooked fingers are more lined than a zebra’s bum.

Thankfully, we in Britain do not have to put up with such horrors – a truth anyone who has ever sucked Vanessa Feltz’s toes can confirm…

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Posted: 25th, July 2003 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink