Anorak News | Uni Bombers

Uni Bombers

by | 18th, August 2003

‘WOO-HOO! Al-raaaaaght!

Trinny and Charlotte knew their A-levels in Hugging And It’s Impact On 20th Century Media Studies would come in useful

Forgive our excited celebrations, it’s just that we here at Anorak have just received our A-level results. And, without wishing to sound conceited, we’re rather pleased with ourselves. Straight As all round, since you ask.

What’s that? You all got straight As too? What, even you with the runny nose and the funny trousers? Oh dear, that’s rather taken the shine off it.

But at least we’re going to Oxbridge and you’re not. What’s that? You’ve fulfilled the Oxbridge criteria too? This can’t be true – has the world gone mad? Can’t someone do something?

The Times reports that with A passes running at record levels,

the bigwigs from Oxford and Cambridge have decided to take decisive action.

Cambridge abandoned its entrance exam in 1987, and Oxford followed suit in 1995, but with A passes running at record levels, the colleges are finding it impossible to distinguish between the millions of applicants with perfect exam marks.

The Times reports that the Oxbridge bigwigs are now considering reintroducing their own exams in order to separate the wheat from the chaff, the men from the boys and the sheep from the goats.

We here at Anorak welcome such a move, although it is hardly necessary. A simpler test would suffice. Anyone using the word ”Uni” would be immediately disqualified. The rest would then be asked to spell ”university”.

If the number of successful candidates was then too small, the remaining places should be distributed among those from the top public schools. That would soon sort things out.

Posted: 18th, August 2003 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink