Anorak News | House of God

House of God

by | 22nd, August 2003

‘”WARNING: church can make you ill.”

Dear Anorak, my wife doesn’t understand me and my kids are a pain…’

That’s the headline in today’s Times. And it can be added to what we already know: church can make you pregnant; church can make you irresistible to pre-teen boys and girls; and church can give you acne.

This new warning comes in the Telegraph where Irish Roman Catholics have been advised not to breathe in church. If they do, they could take in the smoke from burning incense.

Dr Jim McDaid, a transport minister in the Dublin government, argues that inhaling incense is like smoking tobacco, it contains carcinogens which damage the system.

In short, church gives you cancer.

Although before you do leave the pew for good, the Ven Geoffrey Sidaway, an Anglican, says that market stalls, discos and bingo are on their way in.

“Extending their use is a way of breathing life into our church building,” says Sidaway, who is also Archdeacon of Gloucester.

Which leads to a few more facts about church: it gives you the chance to make a few bob; and if you get a line across, diagonally or all four corners, it gives you a barely used coffin to live in until the second coming…

“House of God!” – as they shout out in a church in Gloucester’

Posted: 22nd, August 2003 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink