Anorak News | Cereal Offenders

Cereal Offenders

by | 22nd, August 2003

‘SINCE we all want out little loves to be individuals, special, to stand out from the rest, here’s some advice, courtesy of the Times.

Vanessa at aged 10

Before Bianca and Jack go to school, feed them up on fizzy drinks, snack bars and junk. This way, they will stand less chance of getting 15 A-grades at GCSE like all the other humdrum kids.

In simple terms, eating crap makes you stupid. It can also make you physically slow, as a team at Reading University have discovered.

Children aged between nine and 16 who ate a hearty normal breakfast of cereal behaved well in physical tests. Those who had eaten junk food were reacting at levels normally associated with a person of 70.

This is not a cause for celebration among the older fraternity, who are, we are sorry to say, still shuffling laboriously along the aisles at B&Q, but cause for concern for the young.

At least with all the preservatives in the food they eat, however, children should remain in a vegetative yet comfortable state for many decades to come…’

Posted: 22nd, August 2003 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink