Kate Has Her Phil

‘PHIL’S decided to make a dishonest woman out of Kate by asking her to marrying him. And this being Soapland, only two weeks are needed from proposal to wedding day.

‘Mashed or dauphinoise, I wonder’

Phil’s depressed as his only family members attending are Billy and Sam. “Why does everyone leave me?” he asked Sonia over a cheery conversation at Jamie’s grave. Call me naïve but putting people in comas, stealing their children and leaving them dangling off cliffs isn’t the best way to ensure plenty of cards on your birthday.

As anyone who’s picked up a tabloid in the past week will know, Lisa is set to return on Phil’s wedding day, determined to get Louise back. Unfortunately for both Phil and viewers, there aren’t many clifftops around in Walford.

Someone else who could do with being pushed off a very high cliff top is Martin Fowler, who’s taken Janine’s title of ‘Most Slappable Character’.

After much pleading from Pauline, Derek agreed to pretend that it was him who grew the cannabis on the allotment. “You don’t know ‘ow much this means to me,” lied Martin, “I’ll never do anyfink like this again.”

Perhaps it’s all the gear he’d smoked but Martin seems to have developed a very short memory as that very evening he was on his mobile, making another drugs deal. Hopefully it won’t be too long before he gets addicted to crack and tried to peel his own skin off.

Billy’s scam to rob Angie’s Den to pay back Charlie had the police fooled but not Walford’s Number One Gangster, Andy. Andy has demanded hush money from Billy (presumably to pay for acting lessons).

Billy turned to the hardest person he knows to sort him out, someone who makes hardened Eastend men turn pale – Kat Slater. Billy asked Kat to ‘sort Andy out’. God knows what Kat interpreted that to mean but Andy’s now sending her dozens of red roses.

Another working girl who’s making quite an impression is Janine. Barry has fallen for her ‘charms’ completely and is handing her wedges of cash to buy clothes and food. Unfortunately for her though, when Paul told her to ‘suck Barry dry’, she didn’t realise he meant it quite so literally.”’

Posted: 5th, September 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink