Jake Of All Trades

‘AFTER Davina, Anthea and Vanessa, we give you Claudia. If you want to get into this showbiz world, you girls had best have a name that sounds like a venereal disease.

‘If you’re out there, Jake, please come home – mummy needs you for another article’

This Claudia comes with the surname Winkleman, adding grist to our VD mill and leading to many schoolish laughs into our hands.

And for added comic value – this girl’s a natural – Hello! also introduces us to Claudia’s husband – PR boss Kris Thykier. That is Kris with a K, and Thyckier with a Y.

Reassuringly the couple’s son is named like every other child who isn’t called Joshua and Max and resides in the warm comfort of Jake.

But where is the little blighter? “Every day I’m desperately tempted to bring Jake to the Academy,” says Claudia, who unbeknown to millions presents the BBC’s Fame Academy, “but as much as I want him here with me, I’m also realistic enough to know that my head would be all over the place if he was in my dressing room.” She concludes: “It can only be a pipe dream”.

Mothers who like to keep their kids close might wonder about Claudia’s dedication to parenting. Why did she have him in the first place? “It was one of those philosophical situations where if it happened, it happened,” explains Claudia.

And sure enough it did – apparently. We still can’t see the little love, so like that other philosophical question about the existence of God (who’s also called Jake) we’ll have to take Claudia’s word for it.

Perhaps Jake’s crawled out of a window, since he was, as is the way with all Jake’s, born by Caesarean, a facet of her life Claudia is eager to share with the world.

She also tells us that she’s a size 12, did the Aktins diet for a full week, put on five stones while pregnant with the illusive Jake, and doesn’t sleep.

“But it doesn’t matter,” says Claudia. “I’ll sleep when he’s 13.” Or when his nanny stays over…’

Posted: 17th, September 2003 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink