Anorak News | Carved Up

Carved Up

by | 19th, September 2003

‘OPRAH Winfrey is half the woman she was. The missing half can be seen congealing in a bucket outside the offices of Doctors Nip ‘n’ Tuck, our friends with a scalpel.

Oprah spots dessert

And, boy, do they ever work hard for their money. The Enquirer says that it took the docs seven hours to carve the excess flesh from Oprah’s frame.

Sure the $100,000 she paid the plastic surgeons for their time was useful, but the real reward comes when they see what Oprah looks like now, or will do as soon as the bandages have been taken off and the scars are heeled.

With the help of an insider, the magazine conjures up an impression of what the presenter will look like come her grand unveiling.

The eyebrows are lifted, not quite into a look of astonishment, just enough to suggest the merest hint of surprise, as if Oprah’s dessert that’s just arrived at table is bigger than she’d dared hope for.

The implant inside her jaw, gives her a more rugged, handsome face. And her breasts have been reduced and lifted. They now have a “more youthful, perky look”.

Liposuction to her thighs, knees, stomach, arms and that manly chin add to the streamlined appearance. A keen campaigner for the underprivileged, Oprah will be heartened to hear that the siphoned off fat has been sent as cooking and heating fuel to a small city in Zambia.

And the conclusion is that Oprah looks amazing. She’ll soon be up and ready to get back on her chatshow, and tell the women of America to be happy with themselves, not to worry about fat and to be confident, assured and honest in everything they do.’

Posted: 19th, September 2003 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink