Word From Uranus

‘ALSO splashing around in the waves this week is big-bottomed diva Jennifer Lopez, who chose to get over the cancellation of her marriage to Ben Affleck by heading for the sea in Miami.

‘Sorry, Jen. My horoscope told me to go to a strip club tonight’

Anorak fans will recall that last week OK! promised its readers world exclusive pictures of the wedding of the century – the romantic service, the dazzling cast of famous guests, the lavish wedding breakfast, the heartfelt speeches and of course the incredible party to celebrate the union.

Instead, they have to make do with yet more column inches of speculation as to why the wedding didn’t take place, including a useful contribution from OK! astrologer Justin Toper.

He says that we should not be surprised that the September 14 wedding didn’t come to pass because Mercury was in retrograde motion on that day, suggesting a lack of communication between the couple.

‘The rebellious planet Uranus reverted back into Aquarius, their opposite sign, on Monday September 15,’ adds Toper, ‘perhaps another indicator of why their marriage was suddenly postponed.’

Of course, like all good astrologers, psychics and other practitioners of the arcane art of mumbo-jumbo, Toper is an expert at predicting the past.

He is a little more sketchy on the future, saying only that both Affleck and Lopez crave being the centre of attention.

‘This,’ he says, ‘is fine – providing both are equally successful, otherwise one of them couple be left stranded, casting a shadow over an otherwise happy union.’

In layman’s language, that means that Bullshit is rising in the constellation, Stating The Bloody Obvious.’

Posted: 23rd, September 2003 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink