Anorak News | Stoned Free

Stoned Free

by | 29th, September 2003

‘ONE way we can all get cancer is by smoking. But if you blend cannabis with your tobacco you will be too high and goofed to know about it and simply die in blissful ignorance.

Smoking weed makes you more attractive to the opposite sex

The added bonus is that you will not have asked for treatment and so not drained the NHS of its limited resources.

Problem is that too few of us know how to take the drug. Just how do you roll a joint? And what are hot knives and magic pin tricks?

In the interests of reducing hospital waiting lists and keeping us all as happy as the Blairs, a Government advice service has produced a booklet – fashioned to resemble a packet of Rizla cigarette papers – telling us squares how to skin up and get high.

The Sun has seen the work, produced by that careers advice service Connexions, an agency set up by the Department of Education and Skills and with a £450m annual budget, and spoken with a few teacher types.

They are routinely up in arms, upset that pupils are being tutored into how to use drugs. They are outraged, disgusted and shocked.

The 3,500 children who have already been given the guide, written by the Clued-Up Posse, will now be skilled in the art of rolling a perfect joint – something worth half a Media Studies A-level, or a whole GCSE.

But The Mail is horrified, and dutifully tells its readers what children are being taught.

“The resin (sticky stuff) from the plant is usually heated, small bits broken off, mixed with tobacco and rolled into a fag-sized or bigger joint,” says the reproduced advice.

Having swiftly discovered that the Mail makes less than ideal smoking paper, the Mail’s readers learn that cannabis may be smoked on its own in pipes or bongs or on heated knives.

The one issue not addressed is where to get the stuff.

But fear not, if you sons and daughters of Mail readers can’t find any weed, mum’s Valium and dad’s Prozac will produce a similar effect.’

Posted: 29th, September 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink