Anorak News | Phil Her Up

Phil Her Up

by | 21st, October 2003

‘IT’S a safe bet that if Prince Philip did bump off his daughter-in-law, he didn’t employ an Indian to rewire the electrics on her car.

‘I’ll kill her, you eat her. OK?’

What he did do – or so the Sun reports on its cover page – was instil a sense of fear in Princess Diana and make her believe that he has masterminding a plot to kill her.

This was, as the paper screams to the world, “DI’S AGONY”, a pain which has now been brought into the public sphere by Diana’s former confidant and butler Paul Burrell.

Such news might well tickle the Queen, but it’s not gone down too well with Diana’s children, Harry and William, who are, according to the Express, “devastated” by the butler’s antics.

Harry and William are too busy having fun just now to make any comment at all, so Royal biographer Penny Junor steps gamely into the frame and offers her opinion.

“Can you imagine how upsetting this will be, particularly coming from a man whom they once thought of as a friend?” asks Penny.

Perhaps, but no more upsetting than some of the previous comments made by one Mohamed al Fayed, shopkeeper and father of Diana’s last boyfriend, Dodi.

“I am only asking for the answers that any devoted father would want of his son’s murder,” says the man in the interesting shirts.

“Blair must accept the time is right for a public inquiry. Delay will look as if he is colluding in a cover-up.”

Until that inquiry, the only cover-up we can cite with any degree of certainty is the one in today’s Mail, where Paul Burrell is overseeing the dressing of Diana’s corpse.

For the record, as Diana lay dying, she wore a black, three-quarter-length dress with high hemline and black shoes.

Having dropped off his choice of outfit, along with an apt lipstick and a powder compact, Burrell returned to her hospital bed to see that her hair had been “beautifully blow-dried and in her hand she had Mother Theresa’s ivory rosary beads”.

It’s am image that will bring solace to her legion of fans, and those devastated boys, and remind us that even in death you should endeavour to maintain standards and look your best.

A new range of Diana Funeral Attire is available at Harvey Nichols and, via mail-order, through Anorak.’

Posted: 21st, October 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink