Just Desserts

‘DAVID Blaine will be disappointed to know that Hot Stars columnist Kerry Katona does not care what he does next.

For his next stunt, David Blaine will try to survive without oxygen for 48 hours in Kerry’s cleavage

That revelation, which comes in the top-heavy former Atomic Kitten’s weekly column, will be all the more hurtful for the street magician because he has always followed Kerry’s career closely.

Indeed, we imagine that right now he is poring over the world exclusive interview with Kerry and husband Bryan McPudding in this week’s OK! magazine.

If so, he will learn that the couple are keen to move on from Bryan’s stag night infidelity and will be happy to hear that ‘their marriage is as strong as ever’.

‘I love Bryan so much and I believe that our love is strong and I wouldn’t throw our marriage away,’ says Kerry.

‘The media like to blow things up,’ says Bryan – although, in the case of his wife’s chest, any further inflation would surely cause a nasty explosion.

‘I love Kerry and that’s the end of it.’

So let’s talk about something else – and where better to start than with a portrait of the couple on their wedding day that is so cringingly awful that it has to be seen to be believed.

Even OK!, which this week manages to describe as ‘star-studded’ a christening where the most famous guest was Jade Goody, is lost for words.

So let’s see what else Kerry has to say in her Hot Stars column.

Well, she’s not surprised that Anna Kournikova is quitting tennis, she thinks it’s great that Vernon Kay has signed to Radio 1, she says that the only reason Pink snogged Kristanna Loken was for shock value and she reckons Martine McCutcheon looks great.

‘And if her figure is all down to sex with her boyfriend, James Tanner, like she says it is, well, fair play to her,’ remarks our Kerry.

‘Who’s going to go the gym when they can have sex?’

Certainly not your husband, Kerry – although judging by the size of him, he hasn’t been getting a lot of shagging recently either.’

Posted: 27th, October 2003 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink